Stardust Page #5

Far too young and radiant

to belong to just one man!

It's share and share alike

aboard my vessel, sonny boy!

If you dare even touch her...

You may think you're showing

a Iittle spirit in front of your Iady friend,

but if you talk back to me again,

I'II feed your tongue to the dogs,

you impertinent Iittle pup!

-Sir?

-Better! But still interrupting.

Let's see.

A hanging's always good for morale!

Maybe we'II watch you dance

a gallows jig!

Or perhaps I'II just tip you over the side

and have done with it!

It's a very Iong way down.

PIenty of time to reminisce

about your pitifully short Iives.

PIease, Iook, we're just trying

to make our way home,

back to a place called Wall,

where I come from.

What did you say?

I said we were trying to get home

to Wall.

That's one Iie too many, my son.

-Wall?

-Shut up.

What's he saying?

Thought you could just wander

onto my patch, did you?

-He is. Yeah, he's gonna...

-And Iive to tell the tale?

AII right, go, on the deck, on the deck,

on the deck! Now, go, go, go!

Big mistake, Mr. Thorn!

And the Iast one you'II ever make!

-No! No! You brute!

-Come... Come on!

-You murderer! You pig!

-Come on! Get up! Get up!

I'm taking the girl to my cabin,

and mark my words,

anyone who disturbs me

for the next few hours

-will get the same treatment!

-What? You'II...

No, you idiot!

I'II sling you over the side as well!

Oh, yeah.

Captain's busy. So should you be.

Get in there, wench!

So, that went well, I thought.

Now, tell me news

of my beloved England.

I want to hear absolutely everything.

Hang on.

I can't believe your crew fell for that.

And where in God's name

did you get that mannequin from?

Oh, it works every time.

An ounce of bargaining,

a pinch of trickery,

a soupcon of intimidation, et voila!

The perfect recipe

for a towering reputation

without ever having to spill

one drop of blood.

Ever try to get blood stains out

of a silk shirt? Nightmare.

Right. I still don't understand

how they won't recognize me.

Tristan, dear boy, when I'm done,

your own mother won't recognize you.

Now, we've no time to waste.

We have only two hours

before we make port.

First and foremost...

It'II be so good to see you

out of those dreary clothes.

So very small-town errand-boy.

Howlingly parochial.

Here. Tres you.

I wore it as a younger man.

I hate to throw anything away.

You know the day you do,

it'II come back in fashion,

be oh, so de la mode-

Now, you, darling.

I have some Iovely dresses.

Take your pick.

Oh, no, really, I'm fine.

Honey, you're wearing a bathrobe.

Now, England, England.

I want to hear everything.

-You're not from England.

-Oh, no, sadly, no.

But from my earliest youth,

I Iapped up the stories.

People always told me they were

nothing more than folklore,

but my heart told me they were true.

As a boy, I'd scurry away

from my father at the market

while he did his deals

just to peek over the wall,

dream of, perhaps, crossing it one day,

seeing England for myself.

Really? So you...

You were here Iooking over there.

Oh, yes.

-Hair.

-Hair?

Mind you, I did my best to fit in.

Tried to make my father,

Captain Ghostmaker, proud.

Forged a decent reputation

as a ruthless marauder

and cold-blooded killer.

But my father died.

I always promised him

I'd take over the family business,

keep the old girl flying.

You have no idea the Iightness

it brings to my heart

being able to confide in you

charming young people.

The pressure of maintaining the

whole Captain Shakespeare persona

for the sake of the crew, I don't know.

Sometimes...

You see, I'm very much

a man of my own creation.

Even chose the name specially.

Took me ages.

See, I'm thinking

Iegendary British wordsmith.

My enemies and crew are thinking,

"Shake! Spear!"

It's Iittle things Iike that make me happy.

I don't understand that.

Surely it would make you happier

just to be yourself.

Why fight to be accepted by people

you don't actually want to be Iike?

Yeah.

Why would anyone do that to himself?

Exactly.

Port ahoy! Ready the Iightning barrels!

Hurry up.

Yeah. Doesn't seem very fresh.

I'II be honest.

Shall I give you a Iittle taste,

young Ferdinand?

No, no. Oh, there you go.

Brilliant. Like they're cheap.

I think it's still crackling,

very much alive, still tres fresh.

-So, name your best price.

-For 10,000 bolts?

Ten thousand bolts

of finest quality grade A.

Yeah, but it's difficult to shift,

isn't it? Difficult to store.

If I get the Revenue Men in here

sniffing round, what's the...

Best price, 150 guineas.

Gentlemen, put the merchandise

back onboard and prepare to sail.

Gentlemen, put the merchandise

back onboard and prepare to sail.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

-Ferdinand, always a pleasure.

Hold on. Hold on. One minute.

Hold on, cuddles.

-Oh, he's...

-One-sixty. One-sixty.

Seeing as I'm feeling

particularly generous today,

I'II settle for 200.

Two hundred? Okay.

You're having a Iaugh.

Have you had your head in that?

Has he been sailing up

where the air's too thin?

-You're being very rude.

-Not anymore.

-Two hundred.

-One-eighty.

-Two hundred.

-That's not negotiation.

I'm changing my number.

One-eight-five.

-Did I hear 200?

-From you, you did. Yeah.

-You said 200.

-If I did, you're a ventriloquist.

Okay, one-nine-five. Final offer.

One-nine-five it is.

So, with sales tax, that's, Iet's see, 200.

Brilliant. Put it in the back.

Unbelievable. Here.

Yes? Can I help you?

Nosy.

Have you heard any of these rumors

going round about a fallen star?

Everyone's talking about it.

You get your hands on one of them,

we can shut up shop. Retire.

-Fallen star?

-Yeah.

-Nothing on your travels?

-No.

Not even a Iittle sniff of a whisper?

Everyone's going on about it

down at the market.

Which market?

The market near the wall?

Yeah.

Well, Ferdy, you're wasting your time

Iistening to gossip

from the kind of pond scum

trading down there.

-Well, if it...

-Oh, my word! Speak of the devil.

Oh, yeah? What were you saying, then?

Oh, what a wonderful woman

you are, Sal.

How the world wouldn't be

the same place without you.

You Iook great.

You've had your feet done, haven't you?

But, you two, you have business

to attend to. Sal. Ferdy. Good day.

Come on.

I've got something new for you.

Captain Shakespeare.

Stand down!

Meet my nephew,

the fearsome buccaneer,

Tristan Thorn.

He'II be joining us for our journey home.

I have the perfect gift

to keep you amused on the way.

Oh...

Right, you Iazy dogs!

Let's get young Tristan

on his way home!

Touche.

I'm impressed.

Yvaine, I know what you are.

No, no. Have no fear.

No one on this vessel will harm you,

but there are plenty who would.

Your emotions give you away, Yvaine.

You must Iearn to control them.

You've been glowing

more brightly every day,

and I think you know why.

Of course I know why I'm glowing.

I'm a star.

-And what do stars do best?

-Well, it's certainly not the waltz.

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