Stardust Memories Page #10

- No. The car broke down.

- Out here carousing. I don't believe this.

What does everybody want

from me? Leave me alone.

I don't wanna go back.

I'm tired of everything.

I'm tired of my lawyer and my

accountant, and I can't help anybody.

I can't help the Cancer Society,

and I can't help the blind

people and the kidney victims.

I can't help my sister, and I

don't wanna get married, Isobel.

It's the last thing I need now is

a family and a commitment and a...

- Isobel!

- Sandy?

- Isobel.

- You know you're my hero.

- Oh, my God!

- He's dead!

It's a shame. Poor fool, he's dead,

and he never really found

out the meaning of life.

I treated him. He was a complicated patient.

He saw reality too clearly.

Faulty denial mechanism.

Failed to block out the

terrible truths of existence.

In the end, his inability to push away

the awful facts of being in the world

rendered his life meaningless.

Or as one great Hollywood producer said,

TToo much reality is not

what the people want.

Sandy Bates suffered a depression

common to many artists in middle age.

In my latest paper for

the psychoanalytic journal,

I have named it OOzymandias Melancholia.

Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Well, Sandy Bates works

will live on after him.

Yeah, but what good is it if I can't

pinch any women or hear any music?

And, now, in this classic scene from his

Academy Award winning motion picture...

I would trade that Oscar

for one more second of life.

...he deals with the subject of

immortality, a subject that plagued him.

In this film, he played the part of God.

This was not easy, folks, because, you know,

I didn't know what the hell I was doing,

and I don't have a good voice for God.

He received an Academy Award nomination

for his convincing portrayal of God,

although they had to

use another actors voice.

And though this plaque

is not an Academy Award,

and it's presentation is posthumous,

I want to present it to that great

comedian, the late Sandy Bates.

Here you go, Sandy.

Thank you very much.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

I'm very honored to get

this, you can imagine. I...

You know, some time ago I had a love

affair that ended sort of unhappily,

and just a little while back,

just before I died, in fact,

I was on the operating table,

and I was searching to try and find

something to hang on to, you know.

Cause when you're dying,

your life suddenly really

does become very authentic.

And I was reaching for something

to give my life meaning,

and a memory flashed through my mind.

It was one of those great

spring days, a Sunday,

and you knew summer would be coming soon.

And I remember that morning Dorrie

and I had gone for a walk in the park.

We came back to the apartment. We

were just sort of sitting around.

And I put on a record of Louis Armstrong,

which was music that I grew up loving.

It was very, very pretty,

and I happened to glance over,

and I saw Dorrie sitting there.

And I remember thinking to

myself how terrific she was

and how much I loved her.

And I don't know. I guess it was

the combination of everything,

the sound of that music, and the breeze,

and how beautiful Dorrie looked to me.

And for one brief moment, everything

just seemed to come together perfectly,

and I felt happy.

Almost indestructible, in a way.

And it's funny, that simple

little moment of contact

moved me in a very, very profound way.

Sometimes, I wonder why

I spend the lonely night

Oh baby, oh I know

Dreaming of a song melody in my memory

And I am once again with you

When our love was new, oh baby

Each kiss an inspiration

That was long ago, now my consolation

Is in the stardust of a song

Beside a garden wall

When stars are bright you were in my arms

The nightingale tells his fairy tale

Of paradise where roses grow

Though I dream in vain, oh baby

In my heart it will remain

My stardust melody

The memory of loves refrain

The memory of loves refrain

Cop-out artist!

That was so beautiful.

Why do all comedians turn

out to be sentimental bores?

He's all right. He just fainted.

- I'm sure it's just nervous tension.

Dorrie.

He had some hallucination about

being shot with a. 32 pistol by a fan.

Dorrie.

Isobel. Isobel!

- Come here. I wanna talk to you.

- I don't want to talk to you.

Isobel, don't be silly...

I came to invite you to

my brothers restaurant.

My brother Ozzys got a terrific restaurant.

- Armenian food. My mothers the cook.

- I don't eat Armenian food.

Mr. Bates?

We need a picture of you, you

know, maybe sitting at a table.

- No, no, no.

- Itd really be terrific.

- Whats the matter?

- The Rolls-Royce.

Yeah, it's mine. This is mine.

I already went through that.

- Well, we found a. 32 caliber pistol.

- Yeah, that's mine, too. I carry a pistol.

I have a thing about Nazis. It's

a little paranoid weakness I have.

You have a permit, I'm sure.

I don't need a permit. I never

shoot the gun or anything.

But, you know, I've had

family that's had problems,

and that kind of thing, so I keep it.

- I'm sorry, but...

- It's strictly a Nazi...

I'm sorry, but well have to have you

come down and answer a few questions.

That wont be necessary. Really.

You can make an exception

in my case. I'm a celebrity.

Listen, I want you to come and live with me.

No, thank you.

- Really. I don't want... Don't be ridiculous.

- You make me feel ridiculous.

I've been under stress

lately. You know what I mean?

The broken romance and the death of a friend.

- Go find Dorrie. She's much better for you.

- No, no. Dorrie. That's over, believe me.

I don't want to hear you.

I love you. I mean, I've

really thought everything over.

I'm telling you, this has been a

very, very interesting weekend for me.

A lot of very strange

thoughts went through my mind.

And I feel very differently

about a lot of things.

- I am not your type.

- Yes. No.

You like those dark women

with all their problems.

Those dark women? No.

- They give you a hard time and you like.

- And you think I like that? Right?

No, you're wrong.

I'm telling you, I was thinking about

a lot of unusual things on the weekend

and I feel much... I feel

lighter. Do you know what I mean?

And I had a very, very remarkable idea

for a new ending for my movie, you know?

We're on a train, and there are

many sad people on it, you know.

And I have no idea where it's heading.

It could be anywhere. It could

be the same junkyard. And...

But it's not as terrible as

I originally thought it was

because, you know, we like each other,

and, you know, we have some laughs,

and there's a lot of closeness.

And the whole thing is a lot easier to take.

I don't like it.

- You don't like it?

- It's too sentimental.

So? But so what?

It's the good sentimental.

That's what you... You know,

it's... And you're...

There's this character that's based on

you that's very warm and very giving,

and you're absolutely nuts over

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