Staten Island Summer Page #2

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like a hornet Mexico City.

Talk to me about it in,

like, 20 minutes. Not now!

Just... Victor, just take care of the nest.

Get out of here.

God. Get your face out of here.

Chuck, all right,

I'm on it, man.

Are you still there?

Yeah, I'm on it. Okay.

Thank you for the opportunity.

Am I the only one

that's normal around here?

Look at that horse.

That one's brown as hell.

Oh, Danny.

Why can't you just man up for

once in your life, okay?

This is the last

weekend of summer.

I am being a man.

The only reason why I'm going is

because it means a lot to my parents.

Okay, well, the staff

party is this Saturday.

And you know what? Danny,

it means a lot to me.

I have been laying track

with Rachel all summer.

And she's finally into me,

and I think I'm gonna S the D.

Suck the dick?

What? No. Seal the deal.

Why don't you just say that?

Because it's a shorter way...

It doesn't matter. Okay?

The staff party is the culmination

of the entire summer.

It's basically summer prom.

And you know what happens

at prom, Danny?

Girls S the D.

Seal the deal. Suck the dick.

Are you not listening?

It's like a milestone

in their lives.

It's like the moon landing.

But instead of a pole

going into the ground,

it's our d*cks going into them.

Ow!

God, man. Whoa!

Harvard.

The party is officially on.

Whew!

Danny's favorite chicken.

Okay.

Not only do we have access

to all four parks

plus Typhoon Lagoon,

so bring your suit,

but... Drum roll, please.

We got Fastpasses.

Nice.

Remember when you

used to stand up

and recite the entire

Jungle Cruise?

'Cause you had

the whole ride memorized.

And you, you'd put your arm inside

your shirt like the hippo bit it off.

Yeah.

I was terrified one time.

I'm really excited.

It just kind of sucks

that I'm not gonna be here for

my last weekend with Frank.

Mmm.

Well, you know, I mean, Frank...

You two are gonna keep in touch.

Mmm-hmm.

You're gonna make

new friends at Harvard.

You know. And who knows? Maybe

you're gonna meet a couple of

cute ladies. Oh!

Maybe not her, but...

It's just that you and Frank...

Honey, you're just on different paths.

You know?

And again, we love Frank.

Yeah, love him to death.

Hey.

Sorry that took so long.

I got distracted on my phone.

I was playing a new game.

Oh, yeah? What's that, Frank?

Oh!

It's like Whac-A-Mole, but

with penises and glory holes.

And you just,

like, whack the penis

back into the glory hole,

so it doesn't...

Doesn't, you know...

I understand.

How's the Disney planning going?

Oh, my God. Dude, do you

remember that one time

where you did

the entire Jungle Cruise

and everybody laughed at you

because you looked

like a f***ing moron?

All right, you, I'm gonna go shut

that door and open a window.

Maybe knock down a wall.

I just hear the cat kind of

screaming a little bit.

Guys, you gotta check this out.

Look at all these

beautiful women that.

Danny's gonna be

going to college with.

Oh, what is that?

Dog and Elephant Quarterly?

Why do you even have that?

Because I found it.

Look at this girl.

She's a butter everything.

She'd be hot

"but her everything".

Hey, Frank, serious question.

Have you ever seen yourself,

like, in a mirror?

Because actually,

on a Frank scale,

that girl's, like,

a hundred Franks.

And on the Mary Ellen scale,

she's about half a Mary Ellen.

That's a compliment,

what you've just said.

Mine actually was

not a compliment to you.

What's the brochure like

for your parents' basement?

This isn't about me.

This is about Danny

banging someone decent

before he goes off

to Monsters University.

What I don't understand is, why

you need a party to get laid.

Why don't you just go out

and just bang something?

Yeah, you say that because

you hook up with moms.

Moms don't need

a party to have sex.

They need a glass

of shitty wine.

Hey, Anthony.

Hi.

Happy noon.

Oh, man.

Ladies, I brought lunch.

Doctors say you don't get the benefits

of wine until the third glass.

No way.

I know. She's great, isn't she?

No, no, not her.

Her.

I had been perfectly content to

leave Staten Island forever.

But just when I thought I was

out, it pulled me back in.

Krystal Manicucci.

She was the undisputed

Queen of Staten Island.

And she was the most beautiful

woman I'd ever seen in my life.

Don't do that. You're giving

me the heebie-jeebies.

When you stare like that,

you look like a serial killer.

Bro, you got to forget about Krystal.

All right?

Why? So you can get with her?

No, even I'm not that stupid. All right?

Her dad's Leo Manicucci.

Like on the side of

all those heating oil trucks?

So?

So, the dude's old school Mafia.

Okay. You guys know

my buddy Tim?

Well, his friend Dave asked her

to the sophomore-junior

semiformal. All right?

Well, he found out,

went to the dude's house,

ripped out his mailbox and f***ing

beat him half to death with it

in front of his whole family.

Oh, my God. Are you serious?

Yes.

That's the most ridiculous

thing I've ever heard.

Shut up. Then don't believe me.

All right?

Oh, I won't.

It's your f***ing funeral.

Man, that thing is messed up.

There's probably, like,

a thousand hornets in there.

Now go spray it.

No way. You go.

All right, fine.

But don't move.

Okay, that's not going to work.

I think we need to take

this to the next level.

Yeah, damn right we do.

Yo.

Hairy Melon.

Wassup? Uh, question.

If I got to transport,

like, 144 passengers

and I have,

like, a 36-seat van,

how many trips is that gonna take?

Probably, like 11.

I think it's more like four.

Yeah. No, no, like,

those weren't the numbers,

I was using a couple of different

groups of numbers. So...

If you want,

I could help you study.

Like, I used to do SAT prep.

Yeah, okay. Well,

SATs are for pussies.

I got my own system. It's gonna be fine.

And I do not need your help.

So don't you worry

your pretty little head.

Yo. Bullshit.

There's no color called indigo.

Yeah, there is. It's in the rainbow.

You know, Roy G. Biv?

A guy named Roy G. Biv

invented the rainbow?

How do you invent the rainbow?

I think it's like,

if you're really gay

and it rains...

Coming from the sky.

It's wine-ado.

Anthony. Hi, Ms. Greeley.

Hi, Anthony.

I was wondering

if you could assist me.

It would be my pleasure.

Let me see that.

Ms. Greeley, I am worried

maybe you've had, like, a little

too much to drink forever.

We're breaking a lot of rules.

We have lifeguards drinking.

There's glass by the pool.

Oh, my God. What are

you, the wine police?

Yeah. What are you going

to do, arrest me?

Boo! Aah!

Anthony.

Would you say

you have a big dick?

Hmm?

Wow.

Well, well, well.

My old buddy, Skootch.

What's up, pal?

Working on the CPR dummy?

It's not perfect form

and the stomach's on fire, but

just watch out for that.

So, you got any

big plans this weekend?

No?

That's funny, because

last weekend of summer,

I remember

when we were lifeguards,

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