Staten Island Summer Page #8

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this sh*t up please?

I finally got you all.

Like a fly to a spider.

One, two, three, and

we end this all. Ow.

Oh, no, it's too much.

Frank, get your

finger off my testicles.

I can't hold him.

Mary Ellen, help.

Finish it.

They don't respect you, Chuck.

No, Chuck! Kill them!

You're secretly my hero.

Chuck is so sexy.

Thanks.

You've done well, my son.

You've brought

the spider to the fly.

Thank you, Father.

Now choose a bride

and bear us a child.

No need. I shall

bear the child myself.

Yeah.

Oh, what's that, Chuck?

Chuck says, "Let's party."

Yeah, boy, get in there.

Get it up. Get it up.

What took you guys so long?

Whoo-hoo!

Whoo!

Let them remember.

This is Zion,

and we are not afraid.

Whoo!

Hey, what's up?

What type of sh*t is that?

All right, all right,

let's see some IDs.

Yeah, let's see

some I-double-Ds.

Hey. Guys, if you're going to

have sex in the pool,

can you at least do it

over by the filter?

Sure.

Sinners.

Yeah!

What do I do?

Pulled it off.

Yay. Oh!

Dude, we did it, man. Hey.

Is Krystal coming?

It's cool, though. She's

out of my league anyways.

You're the best, man.

She doesn't deserve you.

Honestly. Thanks, man.

I think I'm gonna

go for it with Rachel.

Really? Yeah.

You should.

Oh, Rebecca, you should

totally go talk to him.

Frank hates me.

Okay. But that's obviously his

weird way of flirting with you.

He's a little weird.

He's funny, though.

So go talk to him.

And I am going to go find Skootch.

Ew!

Gross. He's like 40.

All right. Well,

better leave you to it.

Yeah, f*** off.

Good luck. Thanks.

Okay.

F***. F*** me.

Okay, I got this.

Hi. Hello.

Hi. Hey.

Hi.

Hey...

Do you want to go

smoke this weed?

Um...

Sure.

Yeah? Yeah.

Cool.

After you. Okay.

F***. F*** me.

Hey, you guys want to hold a

real police gun for a second?

Don't worry, the safety's on.

Wait.

Now it's on. There you go.

Whoo-hoo!

Be careful.

Don't touch the shoulder.

I like your shed.

Thanks. Perks of

having the baby pool.

Wait, I thought

you didn't even like me.

Yeah, you've been, like,

really mean to me forever.

Are you kidding? I just

thought I was flirting.

Really? Yeah.

I thought I made that

really obvious.

It's crazy to think that we're

rocketing through space, you know?

It's like we're moving at a mile...

Million...

Mmm.

I was going to get a drink, I think.

Do you want to...

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, let's do it.

Anthony.

Who deserves a thank you?

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Little Mermaid, would you

get me a refill, please?

Oh, she's so cute.

She's so cute.

She's very cute. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, look at these.

Now that is a Navy chest.

Are you kidding me?

Check this out. What do you

think about these, hmm?

Navy chest?

I'm a f***ing idiot.

There you go.

Hi.

You came.

Yeah. I couldn't miss the biggest

pool party of the summer.

I did have to use a rival

rickshaw company, though.

I'm telling you, those other

guys, they're not authentic.

That's what I hear.

You look really

beautiful tonight.

Oh!

We are having fun now.

You, you're so romantic.

I love it.

Whoa! Let's get comfy here.

That's nice, right? You okay?

Kinky.

I'm gonna be right back, okay?

You better be. Because I

got a sitter for tonight.

Right. You're sitting on this.

Wow, okay...

Balls on the bull's-eye.

Hang tight. Bye, Ms. Greeley.

Should I get a condom? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah.

Okay.

Here it is, totally sealed.

Wait, what is this?

Is this a Magnum?

Let me see.

Oh, yeah, I guess. The ushe.

Oh, um...

I don't think I can do this.

What? Really?

Because I don't want to have

sex with a weird giant dick.

Whoa, I don't have a giant dick.

I have a big dick.

I don't have a big dick.

I have a very average dick.

I just like a little extra room.

It's like baggy pants.

Gross. No, it's not.

Okay, look, look, look.

You're going to like the way

it looks, I guarantee it.

Are you sure? Yes.

Mary Ellen?

Did you have fun

with Ms. Greeley?

Took you long enough.

Are you going to

take your shirt off?

No, I'm okay.

I want you to. Why?

Because I like your body.

I want to see it.

Really? Yeah.

See? That's much better. Yeah?

Cannonball.

Oh, I can't stop.

Rachel. What?

Rachel!

What?

What?

Did you just call me Rachel?

No. Are you kidding me?

No. That was a joke.

Where's Danny Campbell?

I don't know Danny Campbell.

Rebecca. Wait.

It's perfect. It was a joke.

Everyone loves Rachel.

No, they... Well, okay.

Where's Danny Campbell?

Hey, you.

Where's Danny Campbell?

Oh, sh*t.

We have to go.

Rebecca! Rebecca! Rebecca!

Hey. Where's Danny Campbell?

I don't know. Where are your

f***ing manners, a**hole?

Whoa, hold on. Wait a minute. This

is my dawg Pixy Stix right here.

Hey, police. Freeze.

What the f*** is this?

Everybody just chill out.

Who the f*** is this dude?

Yo, that's Victor.

He's maintenance.

All I know is that I've got a lady

situation that's exploding right now.

And your whole

"Where's Danny?" routine

is just not working for me.

I have to go f***ing deal with her.

Get the f*** back.

Whoa, whoa. I'm right here.

Okay, Danny's right here.

You thought you were sending it to

her, but you sent it to me instead.

Mr. Manicucci...

Leo, I...

I don't know what you think my

intentions are for your daughter,

but I swear I am a gentleman.

You're a gentleman?

You text her

a picture of your dick.

What? Why would I send you

a picture of a dick?

I would never... Look at this.

Dad, stop. He would

never send that to me.

Okay. We're gonna settle this

once and for all right now.

We'll find out

whose picture this is.

This way.

Rebecca! Rebecca!

Go back to partying.

That's correct.

Teenagers, please

resume your drinking.

And a party it is.

People are crazy, man.

Hey.

Hey, Leo.

How's your daughter?

Come on. We're gonna go

for a little ride, Chuck.

Yeah, hop in.

Oh.

I call shotgun then,

all right, boys?

Look at you two.

You smell great.

Dad.

What are you doing?

Make sure you have her home

by midnight.

He's just kidding.

I don't have to

be home till 1:
00.

Hey, guys,

you guys got to see my dick.

Hey. Do you want to maybe,

I don't know, go somewhere else?

Yeah.

Rebecca.

Rebecca.

Rebecca, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Okay? I'm really sorry.

Ow!

Okay, I deserved that.

Okay.

I also deserved that.

Aah! Okay, no one

deserves that. Oh, man.

Being a twin sucks.

You know that?

Yes. I understand

what it's like

to be compared to other people.

Being fat sucks, too.

So does staying home

from college,

especially when your best

friend's going to Harvard.

You're not fat.

And you're really, really beautiful.

You're gorgeous.

And I did think

you were Rachel at first.

But I'm really happy you're not.

And honestly,

I feel really lucky that

I even got to kiss you.

Honestly?

A thousand percent.

I'm really hungry. Could

we go back to the party?

Yeah, let's go.

Rachel...

I'm joking.

You better be joking.

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