Staten Island Summer Page #7

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is you talking to?

Okay. You know what?

What the f*** am I saying?

Who the f*** am I to say that?

I am so sorry.

I am so, so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I don't mean that.

I don't mean sh*t like that.

I gotta get out of here.

He's hilarious.

These violations

are pretty minor.

I think we can

work something out.

No, no, we're not

"working something out."

Rules are rules.

Yeah, but not really, right?

Who hasn't peed in a pool?

It's nothing that dramatic.

I pee in the pool all the time.

Come to papa.

It's gonna blow! Go! Run!

Sh*t.

So, how's your mom?

I couldn't help it,

dawg, I had to do it.

What the f*** is going on?

I had to do it. Look,

look, look, I'm sorry.

Calm down, dawg.

Here, here, here. Peace offering.

All right?

Thought I was gonna kill him.

I know.

Is this weed? Yeah.

Oh, tough. Thanks, guys.

Hey, wait. What's this I hear

about a party tomorrow?

Oh, there's a party

at Great Kills.

Bring whoever you want. Bring your friends.

Bring your moms.

Just bring whoever you want.

My man Pixy Stick.

Is that me? I'm Pixy Stick?

Cool. Pixy Stick.

Aah!

Whoo!

Out you go.

Don't touch me.

Out you go, little Skootcher.

Shut the f*** up.

All right. Have a

good Labor Day, guys.

Looks like Chuck's got

the pool all to himself.

Just think, next time you're

here, you'll get arrested.

Oh, man.

I just ran, like,

30 blocks. Terrible.

What's going on?

Where the hell were you?

I was running an errand.

Who cares?

Chuck sabotaged us.

Chuck sabotaged us?

Danny's the one

who hid the booze

in Dolores's shed.

Which is pretty f***ing stupid for

a kid who's going to Harvard.

Are you being serious right now?

The booze is not what blew up the shed.

It was the fireworks.

Whoa. Hey! Whoa!

Don't blame this on me.

Kisses not disses. Okay?

What's going on?

There's no party?

No party.

Because we also don't have jobs, man.

We're done.

I'm f***ing out of here.

This is bullshit.

Hey. Anthony, stop.

Mary Ellen, stop.

Let's go.

Did they tow my f***ing car?

You don't even know what I had

to go through to get weed.

Which I got.

I had a gun pointed at my head.

I had to ride in the back

of an ice cream truck.

I had to do fake cocaine.

This entire thing sucks.

This whole plan has been

f***ed since the beginning.

Krystal's not coming and

Rachel doesn't even talk to you.

F*** you, Danny.

I don't care about Rachel.

Or Krystal.

I don't even care about the party.

I just wanted to have

a last weekend with you,

where we're friends.

That's bullshit. We've been

friends our entire lives.

We'll hang out

every single summer.

We're not gonna be friends.

I canceled my entire trip just to hang

out with you on our last weekend.

Boo-hoo. You cancelled

your annual trip,

which you'll go on for

the rest of your life,

to hang out with someone who's not

gonna be in your life anymore.

I hope you have

a great time at Harvard

and you make

something of yourself.

Because I'm gonna go

rot in my parents' basement.

Should've gone to

f***ing Disney World.

Yeah, you should've.

Good work, little fella.

Never bet against the Casino.

Good God.

Hey.

Jesus.

What are you doing here?

I never left.

And, in a way, I never will.

Well, until your

parents find me.

Look, bud, I promised your mom

that I'd try to scare

the crap out of you

because she cuts me a deal

on my Valtrex.

But honestly, if I had

to do it all over again,

I'd f***ing ride, man.

I would ride that f***ing bike every

f***ing day of my life. Okay?

Okay? You feel me?

Come in again. Yeah.

No regrets. No regrets.

Except the herpes. That I

would not do all over again.

So put a hat on your bat, okay?

Put a condom

on your penis. Right?

And I'm watching Aladdin in the

other room if you're interested.

Starting it now.

I kind of need to

know pretty quick.

Because of the seating arrangements.

Oh, I got a seat.

Hi.

Hey.

Your mom said you'd be here.

Yeah. Didn't want to

give diabetes the day off.

Look, man, I'm really

sorry about yesterday.

You're right.

I was being a dick.

It's true, we're not gonna hang

out as much this next year, but

you're still my best friend.

And there's still one last day

of summer we have together.

All right, this better

be good, Harvard.

Start talking.

Okay, guys. Thanks for coming.

Okay. We are still going

to have this party.

For all the lifeguards that have

ever worked at Great Kills.

This is our club, and we can't

let Chuck take it away from us.

Yeah, f*** Chuck.

Well, if we show up, he's

just gonna call the police.

Then we give him

just what the doctor ordered.

Jesus. What did

the doctor order?

Oh, I just took, like, every pill

I could find in my mom's office.

Plus the Vicodin that they

gave me for my wisdom teeth.

Wait. So what, are we going to

walk up and be like, "Take these,"

and he'll be like, "Okay"?

Well, you know how you can

bake weed into brownies?

Yes.

What if we just made,

like, pill brownies?

Hmm.

That actually might work.

How do we get the pill

brownies into Chuck?

Why are you guys

all looking at me?

Now, this is what we call,

in Staten Island, shopping.

There you go. And that

is called a Staten Island key.

Steak, oh, you look delicious.

"Thanks, Chuck."

Let's make you beautiful.

Chuck.

Oh. We're actually closed right now.

This is a private event.

Wow, that is some

Speedo you got.

This is actually an apron.

That's the...

Wow.

They should call you UPS, because

you are carrying a package.

Thank you. I come from a

long line of big penises.

My dad had a big dick,

and my grandpa before him,

and his father before him

supposedly a very

big dick as well.

Ugh, okay.

What does a girl

wear to a party?

Probably not this. Right?

Listen, I brought you something.

Ta-da!

Ms. Greeley.

Yeah. It's because you've been

doing such a terrific job.

Just a little thank you.

Well, thank you. It's...

Try that. All right.

Oh, yeah, take the whole thing.

Oh, baby.

It's a bunch of powder.

Don't stop there.

Huh? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey.

Hey, I got a good idea.

Hmm. Why don't we go inside?

Oh, yeah. We're just getting a

little too much sun. Right?

Okay, you're the guy.

I'm so sick and horny.

I feel good. Whoo!

And also, like, really,

really bad. Oh!

Coming through.

Congratulations, Wendell.

You are officially a thief.

Do not tell a soul.

Hey, Rachel.

Didn't notice you there.

Oh, wait, I did.

You're on my dick.

I've got to go to the bathroom

real quick.

Oh, these are very good.

Come on, Chuck.

All right, let's rock 'n' roll.

There's that road.

Come on, Chuck, finish the job.

Kill 'em all.

I need everybody to

remain calm. Okay?

I am a future member of the

United States Navy. Okay?

And I just...

Holy sh*t.

Who are you? Shut up.

Nah, you look great.

It's kind of nice.

You have a lot of cleavage out.

Skootch!

What's wrong?

Chuck probably changed the lock.

Hey. Goof us and Gabby,

we got 200 people here.

Can we speed

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