Status Update Page #7

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I think it's time for dessert.

Kyle... would you give me a hand in the kitchen?

I'd love to.

- Look.

- Enough of that.

- You're the greatest.

- Now there's a real man.

Mm, smells good, what's cookin' Kath?

You and me.

Mrs. Alden, what are you... doing?

Let's run away together,

far, far away from here.

Uh, your husband's in the other room.

I love you.

You need someone more flexible.

I was a ballerina, you know.

That's great, whoa!

Oh, I like that game.

- This is out of control. This needs to stop right now.

- I'm totally out of control and I don't give a damn!

- Hi, Pet.

- No, no, no, stop!

Hey!

Come to me, my little pet.

Come to me!

- Mrs. Alden, chill!

- Just don't ever say no.

Stop! Stop!

Oh, oh, yes! Oh, baby!

More, what?

Okay. Come on,

don't do this to me, YOUniverse!

YOUniverse, come on, what are you doing?

Kyle! Come back, Kyle!

- Take me with you!

- Oh God!

Take me to Paris!

Oh, you didn't!

- Wear berets!

- Oh, goodness!

Frere Jacques, Frere Jacques, Dormez-vous~

Send me nudes!

Wait up, wait up, wait up, two minutes!

What?

Uh, excuse me, ma'am?

Excuse me, have you seen the Bearded Dude?

Could you be a little more specific?

Real weird, makes bird noises...

he had a kiosk, over here,

and he sold phones.

Are you sure you're in the right mall?

Because, we don't allow sales carts in here.

Yes, I'm in the right mall.

I've seen him here twice!

Sir, are you under the influence?

I'm not even old enough to drink.

I need the YOUniverse app!

Sorry.

Maxi? What's going on?

They're fighting again.

- And I know you didn't get that job.

- It fell through.

I mean seriously, what do you want me to do,

put in an application at the local coffee shop?

Let me tell you something, that's never gonna happen,

because that ain't me, babe.

I did not ask you to come here,

but you came here on your own.

I don't know why.

Do you want it to work?

Show me that you're trying!

You need to be responsible.

Don't come at me with responsibility,

you always do that.

Listen, I know about responsibility, all right?

- Oh, do you?

- Hell yes.

- Do you?

- Yes.

You know, Kyle still thinks that you

wanted him to live with you...

and I pulled him away from his dad...

and moved him across country,

because I'm a bad person.

And I don't dare tell him

the truth, I don't dare.

It would break his heart.

I'm sick of covering for you all the time.

I'm sick of being the bad person.

Who took a dump, in Anthony's trumpet?

Nobody?

'Cause that's what it sounded like.

So let's try that again.

One, two, three.

You took on the love and played the fool

I found there's no getting over you

All of the~

All right, the only problem I have with what

you just did, is that it sounded terrible.

You know what?

Whatever's going on between you two...

figure it out... fast!

All right, from the top, here we go.

I'm sorry. I can't do this.

You can't do it?

It's your song, you wrote it!

You're gonna have to do it without me.

Wait!

You shouldn't quit... I should.

No no no, actually, you shouldn't quit either.

Neither should~ Stop quitting! Everybody stop quitting!

The Slam is in five days,

you can not quit, Kyle.

I just did.

All right, let's make some noise, for coach Milligan,

and our undefeated, hot hockey team!

Thank you. Thanks.

We came in second place last year.

One point shy...

of our first trip to the state championship in 20 long,

agonizing years.

The last 365 days have been,

very tough, on coach.

I shed a lot of tears.

My wife and dog left me.

I woke up one morning,

naked in a chicken coop.

And I, might, have killed a man.

And... ah but...

that is all in the past, because, tomorrow night...

we get our first shot at redemption. Yes!

The reign of the Bulldogs is over!

This is the year of the Hawks!

I would like to hand the stage over,

to the captain of our team...

and the man who is

gonna lead us all the way...

to the Connecticut Cup, Kyle Moore!

Wow thanks, thanks so much, ah.

It's been a fast and furious

ride ever since I got here.

Don't you mean fast and fraudulent ride?

He's got you all believing, he's a singer...

and a hockey player... and worst of all...

a heterosexual.

But he's none of these things.

Not without, his magic, app!

He's got a magic app, on his phone...

that allows him to be,

whoever, and whatever, he wants!

This boy you all worship, is a lie!

You're an idiot!

Boo!

It's the truth! I'm telling you!

Did you hear me? It's a magic app!

- All right, come on, let's go, buddy.

- He's a nobody! He's a... nobody!

Wait, wait!

Hold on I...

I gotta be honest about some things.

It's true, four or five weeks ago,

I'd never played a game of hockey in my life.

I never ice skated,

I've never even held a stick.

He's like the Roy Hobbs of hockey!

No, listen to me.

I don't deserve any of this attention, I'm a~

An incredibly modest superstar!

No! I'm trying to tell you! I'm a fake, a phony!

I don't even know who I am.

A role model to everyone here tonight.

Exactly!

Unless we lose to the Bulldogs,

and then he's dead to everyone of us.

Let's light this fire!

Kyle?

Dani... Dani, wait, please.

What do you want from me, Kyle?

You have everything.

You have the fame, the glory.

You even have the girl.

What more could you possibly want?

I don't want any of it.

This, these clothes,

this isn't me, you know that.

If I could take it all back right now...

if I could erase everything, I would.

- Okay, then why don't you?

- Because I, I can't.

You can't?

Look... everything Brian said, was true.

There's this app, and everything I wish for comes true.

And I wished that I could sing,

so I could get close to you, and then it happened,

and then, so did everything else, and~

I wanna take it all back Dani,

but there's nothing I can do.

Let me just get this straight.

You've been a jerk,

because of an app?

- I know it sounds crazy.

- You know what's even crazier?

I wrote Drowning,

the day after you took me on the Ferris wheel.

Hey, can I have your autograph?

It's been a really long~

Turn down for what!?

You ready to get up?

I'm not going to school today.

What now?

I just don't want to go.

Well, that's not really a reason.

You have to convince me

to let you stay home.

What is it?

What's going on with you?

I posted some things on social media,

and I've hurt people.

And it all keeps getting worse, and...

I've really messed up.

Okay, well... when you mess up.

And you're gonna mess up.

The only thing you can do

is take ownership of it...

and try to make it right.

That's it.

It's like ripping off a Band-aid.

It's gonna hurt,

but just do it, and it's done.

And look, social media,

that stuff isn't real, you know that.

It's just everybody's highlight reel of...

the stuff they want you to see.

It's all bullshit.

It's bullshit with a filter on it,

to make it look pretty.

Let's eat. Get up!

Hey, Mom...

you look really pretty today.

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