Stay Cool Page #4

Um, the book is in aisle E,

and that's alphabetical

by author.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Ok, fess up.

Nothing happened.

No, you are smiling like

either he was really cute

or you're totally embarrassed you

even went on a date with him.

It wasn't a date.

Oh, come on.

I will not tease you, I promise.

He was bald and fat, right?

No, he was...

What? Mustache?

Hey!

Was he wearing pleated jeans?

He was ok, really. Darcy, he was ok!

So he was like one of those weird divorced guys

...with, like, 18 kids.

Hmm? Well, he must have

been pretty ok

if you're willing to

invest in this relationship.

I'm not. I wouldn't...

You are buying his book!

I would never read

something for a guy.

Ooh! Got it!

Bingo! Author's photo.

Let's see what "ok" looks like.

Does that really matter?

Uh, yeah. It's the only thing

that matters.

Do you wanna dilute

your gene pool?

Well, betting it all on looks got me

living with my mother at 36 years old.

Please, I love your mother.

Wait a second. Is this him?

Yeah. Yes.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Well, he is actually

kind of cute.

I know.

I wonder whether other geeks

got hot after high school.

You're so pretty,

When we get pretty blond hair on...

Oh, you're so pretty

Why can't Scarlet be 500 pounds

with 5 fat kids

and then all would be fine?

All would be wrapped up.

Life would go on.

Why can't that happen?

World peace depends on it,

my friend.

I'm gonna act like

that made complete sense.

Beautiful.

Nice choice.

Henry, hey!

Hey, Shasta.

Hi!

Hey!

How are you?

Good morning, Mr. McCarthy.

May I see your speech?

I'm still working on it.

Is there a problem?

Indeed, you do have

a problem.

As stated before,

I, the faculty and the committee

will need sufficient time

to review your speech.

Without our review, it is highly unlikely

you will be able to deliver the speech.

That being said, when can we expect

to see something, Mr. McCarthy?

As soon as I do.

I want one.

Every morning...

Hi!

Hey, Scarlet.

What are you doing?

Just seeing what

you're doing.

Oh, this speech.

I'm just trying to get it going.

Oh! How... how's it going?

It's not going.

I gotta....

Well, how about

a distraction?

I could use that.

I could do that.

Meet me out front.

Oh, ok.

I wanna know

who this Lionel guy is.

I'm going out.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Oh. Hey.

It's a school night,

dumb-dumb.

I'll be back later.

To Mrs. Looch who's looking for

any reason to crap on me.

Mrs. Looch.

How come we call Mrs. Loochenberger

Mrs. Looch?

Say her last name.

Loochenberger.

Looc-henberger.

Looch...

Yeah.

Like hookenberger.

Loock... Loockenberg.

Yeah, see. Did you not

have a Looch ready to hock?

Totally. Why did you

do that to me?

It's so gross.

That's where she gets

her name, right there.

She's still trying

to fail me.

You've got to let it go, Henry.

Those who can, do;

and those who can't, turn into Mrs. Looch.

Do you think you could drive?

Yeah, sure. No problem.

Would you mind?

No, I'll drive.

Ok.

Hold on. Watch it.

All I need is a DUI.

Oh!

Get anymore lights on that truck?

Oh, it's Brad.

Oh, God!

The Brad? Your Brad?

No. My ex-Brad.

Is he aware of that?

Ah, he will, you know.

He has a disability.

He doesn't hear things that

he doesn't wanna hear. So...

Can you lose him?

Why?

Yeah, just trust me.

If you can lose him, do it.

Wait, you think he's gonna

kick my ass?

Yeah, well, he doesn't want it as a donut and

a tea party and, like, shoot the breeze

about the great times you had in high school.

Maybe have some drink.

Oh. Hang on. Hang on.

All right.

Did we lose him?

I don't see him.

I think we lost him.

Hold right there, driver!

Hands where I can see 'em.

Nice and easy.

All right.

Out of the car.

Come on, come on.

Hands on the hood.

Yes, take it easy and

let's spread 'em there.

Oh, my goodness.

Going a little fast, don't you think?

Yeah.

Sorry, officer.

You know, this is a school zone

through here.

You know what the speed limit is,

don't you?

Uh, drive 25.

Been drinking tonight?

No, sir.

Sure about that?

Yes.

New York. That figures.

What the hell, McCarthy?

Bird!

Yeah!

Come on!

Bird, You look good!

Thanks.

Didn't recognize me dressed like a pig, huh?

Well, it's...

You're...

Yeah, yeah.

I dropped a couple pounds.

Uh, I'd say more than a couple.

Like 2.

maybe... Yeah.

Had the surgery done.

No more deep dish pizzas for me.

I was gonna shoot you

there, man.

That was intense.

Glad you didn't.

Who's your buddy here?

Eh!

That's uh...

Scarlet Smith, isn't it?

Yeah. Scarlet.

Right on, um...

You've got Scarlet Smith

in your car?

Yeah, we were just...

You dick!

Isn't she with Brad Nelson?

I think they broke up.

Hey, I ain't saying nothing.

Ok.

You sleeping with her though?

No, no, no, no.

We're just talking.

Nah, I'd rather not know.

Officer 320 responding.

Sorry, duty calls.

Might wanna take it

a little bit slower there.

It's good seeing you, McCarthy.

You look good, bird.

You do, too.

Watch your back and...

(if) you need to borrow my handcuffs,

you let me know.

Have a good night!

Look, I'm so sorry.

And I should have told you

that Brad is...

Yeah.

Totally still Brad.

Brad, yeah. I've kind of

figured that.

Yeah, he just hasn't really...

accepted that we're over for good.

It's all good.

You can drive?

Yeah.

All right.

Ok, goodnight.

Ok. All right.

I'll call you.

Coach Nelson, I'm free!

Come on, come on!

Come on, Coach.

Coach's going in for a slam.

Foul!

You fouled me because

you're late!

You're standing out there

and scratching your balls.

Chalk it up.

Speaking of a set of balls...

You and I need

to have a little chat.

About what?

About Scarlet.

Nothing's happening.

You're damn right nothing's happening.

And if you're planning on something happening,

you and I are gonna have problems.

Hey! Hey! Coach...

Coach Nelson's gonna throw down!

...I'm not gonna coming at you!

Now just pick one.

Just throw the first punch.

Let's take this into my office.

Come on.

Coach is in trouble!

Ooh!

All right, boys,

what's the issue?

Oh, we can sit here all day

if that's what you both want.

I'll tell you this,

we will resolve this issue today

in my office before either

of you leave.

That clear?

Let's start with you, coach.

No, I'm sorry, Chuck.

I was just minding my business,

teaching my students,

trying to coach my team

when numbnuts decides to confront me.

Really, Brad?

numbnuts?

Can we just stick to the story?

Can you just tell him what happened?

How you were walking the hall without a badge.

He's walking the hall

without a badge, Chuck.

I wasn't issued a badge.

They didn't give me a badge.

I didn't need a badge.

I don't need a badge.

I'm walking down the hallway, principal

Marshall, minding my business.

He's walking down the hall,

pops his head in.

He tries to interrupt my practice.

Just trynna win another state championship, Chuck.

That's so unnecessary, Brad.

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