Stay Cool Page #3

That's positive thinking. That's the

power of positive thinking right there.

I found it!

I've got the yearbook!

These, thank you

very much.

Here you go.

That color works on you, Bob.

You find him?

Is he hot?

Hmm.

Henry McCarthy.

You know him?

We had chemistry.

You've got chemistry with that?

Yeah, chemistry class.

He was such a sweet guy.

He always tried to help me.

No, he's taking advantage

of your lack of intelligence.

That's how geeks work.

Oh, I feel bad now.

Are you kidding me? There's like a

thousand reasons why you forgot him.

Looks like something

from the old days, like my dad.

So you're gonna call him back?

I can't call him. I mean,

he probably thinks I'm a total b*tch.

Well, you are.

I mean, come on.

Hey, what'd happen if

I took one of these right now?

Anal leakage.

Yeesh!

Already ditching, huh?

Oh.

Shasta O'Neal.

Senior class committee.

Shasta.

You weren't in class today.

I didn't do my homework.

Oh! That is not good.

No.

I figured I came in here, I'd probably

get better insight in the class.

And?

As far as I can tell...

the library is still the sanctuary

for the socially challenged.

Attention!

Get down.

Get down!

Come on! You know the drill!

Down!

Get down!

Crisis alarm!

Aren't we supposed to

leave with the fire alarm?

It's not a fire alarm.

It's a crisis alarm.

A crisis alarm?

Yeah.

Someone could be on campus

with a gun.

Oh.

Relax.

Nobody has a gun, ok?

It's just a drill.

Oh. How often do you guys

do this drill?

A couple times

a week.

Oh.

Lovely.

Hello?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Is this too late to call?

This is Scarlet Smith

from high school.

Yeah. Scar...

You called me?

Scarlet?

Hey.

Hello?

Um, that's all right, dad.

I got it.

It's for me.

It's a little late.

Dad, it's a girl.

Come on.

Hey.

Hi.

How are you?

I'm...

My life's just a little bit

crazy right now.

I'm... in the middle

of moving.

I'm sort of in the middle

of everything.

It's good to hear

from you.

I'm temporarily living

with my mom right now.

And so I'm dealing

with that, too.

Henry McCarthy.

How are you?

Good, good.

How are you?

It's good to hear

from you.

And then I saw her,

Lauren landers.

And something extraordinary

happened.

But, even though we'd gone

through grade school together,

and she'd never noticed me,

suddenly she had blossomed

into a woman.

And from that point on

she haunted my every moment.

She's what?

One day in the middle

of our junior year

Lauren bumped into me

in the hallway.

I copped a feel on my lower arm

near the elbow.

It was lightning.

Tomorrow night.

7:
30?

Yeah. That sounds great.

That sounds fun.

That's perfect.

All right.

She walked away,

and I stood there like an idiot

whispering to myself.

Lauren.

I wondered, "so is this

what love feels like?"

Hello?

Henry, wake up.

It's Javier.

Hold on. I don't get...

Hello?

Just a second.

I don't get reception.

Henry?

Hold on.

I have some news.

Hey, man, are you ok?

Henry?

Guess what? Great news.

A major studio wants an itsy bitsy option

on your book.

Uh, I doubt it's itsy bitsy, but...

The only thing is they tested

the name of the book,

and they wanna update

the title from Lionel.

What... what'd they wanna do?

What do they wanna change it to?

They wanna go with

something more modern

like Linkin Park.

Linkin Park?

Oh, I don't think Linkin Park

gets you laid, but...

I guess women 15 to 25

tested best to Linkin Park.

And males 15 to 35 seemed

to like it, hands down.

Hello? Henry?

Yeah...

Trust me.

Remember you wanted to

call your last book

"My Testicles were

the Last to Drop"?

And I said, "I know you

went through that,

"but that's not a great name," remember?

I doubt Linkin Park

gets you laid.

Of course they do.

Do they get you laid?

Great. I'll tell them

you agree.

You treat desiree nice,

She'll treat you nice.

She does like to be...

Manhandled now and again.

I'm not gonna take her anywhere

you don't want her to go.

She needs to get out

and socialize.

Oh, damn it.

If you'd like, if it makes you feel

more comfortable,

I'll just rent a car and it will be easier.

No, no, no.

No, no. This is caviar

on a hook.

Ok.

Oh, dear.

She's already making me

break out.

Let's have a little

look here.

Be careful.

My God. What is that?

Your parasitic twin?

I think I see an arm.

Ok, good. Ladies!

Come on. Privacy please.

This isn't a tourist attraction.

Have a look here.

Ok. Ladies.

I'm gonna need a cold compress,

some herbal tea,

a nice light foundation

and a donut.

Donut?

It's for me.

I know. I know.

Come on. What are

you gonna do?

Well, not much

at this point.

It's subterranean.

I mean, we could attack it,

but the outcome would be disastrous.

And we're talking a 7-day war

that the world would notice.

This is Scarlet-related.

Stress-related. This is...

(If) I do something, what can I do?

Relax.

Do you like a little Tibetan balance

or a little whale sounds?

Let's go! Cold compress!

Senior year, somehow I had the karmic good

luck of sitting beside Lauren in chemistry class.

But all I could say to her was

"would you like some help

dissecting that frog?"

Henry?

Scarlet.

Hey.

Hey.

This is really weird,

huh?

No, no. I just...

I keep thinking about...

Henry from chem and, you know,

like the kid, and...

and I'm sitting across from you.

I'm just getting used to it,

you know.

That bad?

No! No!

It's just, you know,

Henry from class was...

And you're now, you're this...

You know, you're a man

with facial hair and a beard.

Yeah, that just happened

like...

It just... you still look the same.

Ur...

Is... is that good or bad?

You're really pretty.

Thank you.

Yeah.

That was awkward, huh?

I'm a pharmacist.

That's good.

It's depressing

handing out anti-depressants.

It's all right.

I could spin it though

Ok.

and say I was a small town

drug dealer

for the past 10 years.

I don't feel like I'm where

I should be, you know.

Yeah, well, we all kinda ain't where

we think we should be,

but, you know...

Yeah.

Well, you've clearly done something.

They asked you to do

the commencement speech.

Yeah, I wrote a few books.

You write books?

Well, if people actually read it

would maybe mean something.

I'm sure you have many fans out there

who read your books

and I would like to be one of them.

So, I'm gonna get it.

Where do I get it?

Where do I get it?

I'll get you a copy.

No, I wanna buy it

with my own money.

I wanna buy it.

All right.

Well, bookstores have it.

They'll have

the most recent copy.

Ok.

It was... it's good to see you.

It was really good

to see you, too.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

So, what's the name

of your book?

Um, How Lionel Got Me Laid?

Oh. Ok, just a moment.

Um, who's Lionel?

Richie.

As in "dancing on the ceiling" Lionel Richie?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Him.

Lionel Richie got him laid?

I don't... perhaps, maybe.

I have to read it.

Well, sounds like a winner.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes