Stay Cool Page #8

I think it's just cosmetic.

Really, I'm sorry.

I'll take care of it.

You know something, son!

Your smart-ass attitude is not

welcome at a time like this!

I'm sorry.

I think it's cosmetic only.

It's coming out of your allowance.

I don't get an allowance, dad.

Well, I mean your inheritance!

So, how is the speech coming?

Haven't even started

working on it yet.

I know.

Scarlet, something-or-other, called.

Scarlet called?

Said you were in

for the night.

Dad, you're trying

to ground me?

You don't think you were

gonna take the Cadillac!

I think I've got 2 feet.

I think I can walk over to her house.

Pick up the phone.

Pick up.

Come on.

Damn it!

Sometimes you have to take action.

I discovered sitting in the back of the class

doesn't get you the grades or the girl.

So, I moved up a seat.

By that time, Lauren was in

danger of flunking chemistry.

This was the perfect scenario

for Boy Genius to swoop in

and rescue the Damsel-in-Distress.

The token town gay!

I was 500 pounds, Henry!

because t took me a while to figure out

that I was craving the wrong ding-dong.

Hey, did you like what I did

to your dad's car?

Stop and wait for me!

Stop that!

Hi, how you doing?

That's right.

What are you gonna do?

Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho!

Easy!

Henry...

I'm tapping out.

What's going on here?

Now, let him go, ok.

Oh, yeah!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Leave.

B*tch.

I had to make Lauren excruciatingly

aware of my existence.

When moving up a seat didn't work,

I became her chemistry tutor.

But the only thing that was heating up in that class

was on top of the Bunsen burner.

I'll admit I made it a little more complicated

than it needed to be,

but I wanted to spend as much

time as possible with her.

I was distracted by her beauty,

her soft pale skin,

her haunting eyes

and her silky hair.

Somehow I managed to guide her

to an "A" in the class.

The day she thanked me with a hug and

a kiss on the cheek

was the happiest day

of my life.

I felt as if I'd been touched

by an angel.

That was the day

she signed my yearbook

"stay cool."

I thought it was code for

"I love you forever."

Henry?

Yes.

What are you doing here?

Is it too late?

No, no.

Um, come in.

It's my bike out right there.

Oh, yeah. Yes.

Cute.

One of the reasons that I was calling

was because I'm reading your book.

I was just wondering

how much of it was true.

Uh...

Everything but the laid part.

Yeah.

Ah-oh.

Um,

the girl in it that you write about, Lauren,

Yeah.

I was really moved

and touched by...

You wrote about her

so beautifully and...

And I thought she must be really special

and inspiring.

She's both.

Oh, who is she?

Who do you think she is?

Scar!

Jeez...

Scarlet!

Get out here!

Brad.

What are you doing, huh?

Go home!

Is he here right now?

It doesn't matter!

It doesn't matter?

Can you just leave, ok?

Huh?

I'm gonna call the police, Brad.

I'm gonna beat his ass!

Super tramp!

No, no, no. don't.

No, Scarlet.

Whetherit's tomorrow or next week,

he's gonna come after me.

He wants me.

He wants to kick my ass.

So let's go do this.

Here's your little

pansy-ass BMX!

How about that?

That's right!

Kick his ass!

How about that?

Yeah, kick his ass!

Better never catch you

with her again.

How is he?

I don't know yet.

He can see you now.

This way.

Hey, guys.

What did you do?

Is that it? Just here?

Yeah.

Oh...

And a couple ribs, too.

Mmm.

I told you.

Didn't I tell you?

I told you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's get some of that

dried blood off.

We never got to play doctor, did we?

Mm-mh.

And you don't make this a chapter

in one of your books either.

Ok, ok.

Ok?

Mm-hmm.

That's good.

Mm-hmm.

Stay behind a typewriter.

Fist fighting.

Now, I'm gonna get a doctor...

Hey!

Hey, wino.

Look at you.

Yeah.

Is Scarlet here?

Yeah, she's outside,

man.

There, that hurts.

Check this out.

Yeah!

I'll be back in the morning.

Yes, I did.

I did, I...

I told you I read it,

and it's crap.

It's...

it's crap.

I told you the first...

Nobody will care about it.

It's a story about manure salesman.

No one will care at all!

Henry?

Henry? Henry, if you

can hear me, this is Javier.

Hey, Javier.

Oh. So much for being in a coma.

Your pain killers kicked in yet?

What is that?

That is the review

in your hometown paper.

Uh, "let's hope Mr. McCarthy

doesn't repeat any of his dribble

"during his commencement speech

this Friday."

Um, don't worry.

I think she meant "drivel."

Um, "It didn't inspire.

"It nearly made me

slit my wrists."

Who's this?

Who's this fields woman?

You know, I don't know,

you know.

I probably did something to her.

You know, probably egged her house

or something.

Who knows at this point.

Well, we need to get you out of here before

your next review is in the obituary section.

No. I wish I could.

But I can't.

These people don't like you!

I get it.

Look,

I can get you out of your

commencement duties

as well as this Kat-TV interview

scheduled for later today.

We can be on the first flight

out of here.

Javier, if I leave now,

I'm gonna be writing about this

for the next 20 years.

I want a new subject.

"How Lionel Got Me Laid out"?

Help me get to graduation.

You can pick up your

prom photos today

after school in room 113

between 3 and 4.

And now to John candle

in sports...

Excuse me.

Dios mio.

They'd think we're pushing a book

about domestic violence.

You know what?

I got a punch-in.

Mm-hmm.

I don't know where,

but I got one.

Ok, I'm gonna take a moment

to digest that

'cause that's what people

like in their writers.

They like a little... sort of

rugged sort of beat-up look.

I think you're on.

...Henry McCarthy.

Hello, West Rockville students.

Today, I'll be talking

with one more student,

an author, Henry McCarthy.

Now, I was wondering if

you could share with us

how you came up with this title

How Lionel Got Me Laid?

Sure. It's based on the singer.

So his music was

influential?

Yeah, yeah.

He had a lot to do with it.

though I wasn't as popular.

I mean, he was popular,

but we listened to other music.

But, yeah, Lionel.

Lionel shoulda got a lot of people laid.

I developed a philosophy in my last

days of high school.

I realized as long as I just concentrated

on being alive

and stopped worrying about a future

I couldn't predict

and the past I couldn't change

then my time on earth would be a

hell of a lot more enjoyable,

and I'd probably get laid.

I figured, at least once.

Years later, I noticed that the lessons

I'd learned in high school

were being repeated

in my life over and over.

There didn't seem to be

an end in sight.

I was an a student in school.

Why did I feel like a C- in life?

Did I need to go back to West Rockville

for a refresher course?

Ow, ow, ow.

Ow, ow? Ow.

Got you pretty good, didn't he?

Mm-hmm. He did.

You know, I can help you.

All you have to do is tell me

who did this to you.

Ah, ah, ah.

It's nothing. It's nothing.

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