Step Sisters Page #7

It's like old leather couch and wet dog

and hair gel and...

It doesn't matter.

I'm done being proof

of how liberal you are.

That's what your Prius is for.

Beaded vacation cornrows?

Really?

[SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, I guess we all know

who's responsible for all this.

- Dean Berman?

- Miss Libby.

Enough with the slut-shaming.

What are you, a virgin?

Yes. I'm a Catholic.

- Stop fighting.

- The white girls crashed and burned.

The ones who were there

when the show started?

They did just fine.

It's a shame that I was the only one

who took this seriously.

[AMBER] Are you kidding me?

[SHOUTING]

Stop! Stop!

This is a sh*t show!

Right? We would have been fine

if you had showed up on time...

No! I'm talking about your sorority!

Nobody respects you guys

because you don't respect each other.

There is zero sisterhood here.

Danielle, why did you choose

these girls at rush?

Why did you choose Amber?

Because I knew if we ever needed help

dropping and-or popping it,

we'd have an instructor.

What about my face

is giving you joke time?

She was a tough broad.

In a campus full of girly-girls,

I thought...

well, here is this badass chick

who's wicked smart,

sees through bullshit,

and plays by her own rules.

I respected that.

[JAMILAH] OK.

What about Saundra?

Saundra's...

unique.

And fashionable.

She had a bad experience

with another sorority.

I knew their loss was our gain.

OK. This is great. And Libby?

- Her father's very wealthy.

- Come on.

I don't know!

She's...

like an innocent little redneck.

That's not a compliment. That hurt.

No, no. I knew that other houses

would try to turn her into a New Yorker.

She needed a place where she could

let her confederate flag fly.

Uh-uh. No.

- Not literally.

- [SAUNDRA] Not at all.

And me?

I know saying nice things about me

gives you the squirts,

but you're kind of on a roll.

You were an insurance policy.

I knew that...

if I ever had a bad day for the rest

of my time during college...

that you'd be there to cheer me up.

Your positivity is as infectious

as it is nauseating.

Thank you.

Eyelashes are gonna pop off.

Oh, my God, you guys.

There's real love here.

You've got to use it.

This doesn't have to be the end.

There's a way that you guys

can prove to the Greeks

and the rest of the school -

hell, to yourselves -

that you are some badass,

stepping-ass b*tches.

That you are a real sorority

and a force to be reckoned with.

How can we do that?

We donate $100,000

to the 40th Street Community Center.

It's Dean Berman's favorite charity.

All we have to do...

is win Steptacular.

It's the regional step show

I told you about.

First prize is a hundred grand.

We didn't even place

at a student step show.

- How are we gonna win at a regional one?

- You choked because your teamwork sucked.

Trust me, if you get that back,

if you build up the sisterhood,

I promise you have a real shot.

I say, hell yeah. I mean, all in favor?

Excuse me. I am the president.

I will conduct the votes.

Look, we had a good run.

Let's just quit while we're ahead.

For the record, when this goes to sh*t,

I told you so.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

[SBB CHATTERING]

[BETH] I love you. You're the best.

[AMBER] Sometimes...

- Cheers.

- [BETH] She loves us.

[JAMILAH] Hey.

- Hi.

- Leaving after one drink?

Are you sure you're an SBB?

I know, right?

Nah, I've got to go.

- But thanks.

- Oh, OK.

Hey, Beth.

- Can I borrow your phone?

- You bet.

[CELL PHONE BEEPING]

Thanks. Good night.

Hey.

Want to chat?

When you bounce from foster home

to foster home, a...

a sorority feels like a stable family.

I didn't tell the girls because

I didn't want to be an SBB charity case.

Yeah, but stripping?

Why not just bartend at Fleck's like Beth?

I make a thousand dollars a night.

Are they hiring?

I'm sorry you've been

going through all this.

What, you think white girls

can't struggle?

The struggle is real.

Please tell me your stripper name.

Bob.

[JAMILAH] OK, this is a teamwork exercise.

Your arms will stay linked up,

no matter what.

Your sisterhood is your bond.

Do not let it break.

Not ready! I'm not ready! Oh, my God!

- [DANIELLE] Oh, Libby!

- I'm sorry. I got so scared.

You need to look nasty...

Furious. Demonic. This is your haka.

[SHOUTS] This is your war cry.

[SCREAMING]

- [JAMILAH] Guys!

- [DANIELLE] That was aggressive.

[SHOUTS] Scare them broads

off your island.

Because this... This is your island.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

SBB Island!

[SBB CHANT LOUDLY] SBB Island!

SBB Island!

- SBB Island!

- Come on!

[BETH GRUNTS]

[SCREAMING]

[RHO BETA MU GUY]

Can I get an "ugly" on three?

- One, two, three.

- [SBB] Ugly!

Alright!

[SCREAMING]

[DANIELLE YELLS] We're bonding here!

Get him! Get his nuts!

[JAMILAH] No, guys! No! No biting!

Word on the street is that you sent

White Malcolm X packing.

Should I believe the streets?

- You can this time.

- [KEVIN] Perfect.

Because I have planned

possibly the sickest date

in the history of courtship.

But it's time sensitive,

so we should get going.

OK, I'll just go change.

No need.

You won't be wearing that outfit for long.

Presumptuous.

- And dead wrong.

- Not like that.

It's just,

the best date ever requires...

a little wardrobe change.

[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

Well played, Harris.

Very original.

[KEVIN] Yeah.

So...

What are your Theta girls gonna say

now that you're out of the nerd closet?

This is not an image I plan on projecting

to my Thetas.

You know, it's like there's this

awesome chick inside you, right?

But then on the surface,

it's like work, success, motivation...

You wouldn't understand.

- You have white parents.

- What is that...

Bougie black parents are tough. Perfect

black girls did not read comic books.

I had to steal them from my guy friends.

I don't know.

It's like I got so good at doing exactly

what I was supposed to do that...

it didn't really leave time

to find a passion.

You could always be a zombie slayer.

Relax.

You'll figure it out.

It's that simple, huh?

It can be.

So, why are you single?

Uh...

Every girl I tried to date

was crazy, flaky,

and in the last case,

a lesbian.

I feel her pain.

Me too.

So...

Actually,

I have a confession to make.

I am...

sane,

I'm dependable

and mostly...

heterosexual.

[PARTY GUESTS GROWLING LIKE ZOMBIES]

[THUMPING]

[GLASS RATTLING]

[GLASS SMASHING]

[BANGING ON DOOR]

I'm from Kappa next door.

You shook our house.

We lost a row of

totally irreplaceable shot glasses.

Hello? I was talking to you!

I think you're ready.

What?

[BETH SQUEALS]

[DANIELLE] Oh, my God.

I need a shower now.

[AMBER] My b*obs are sweaty.

[JAMILAH] Hey.

What's up, ladies?

Well, this is one lame surprise party.

Mom?

Soror Yvonne.

I am not calling you "Soror Yvonne."

Did you violate the sanctity

of our sisterhood?

Have you betrayed all of your black,

Greek brothers and sisters?

Those are very abstract questions.

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