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Steve Rannazzisi: Breaking Dad Page #4
- Year:
- 2015
- 70 min
- 47 Views
down on the bench,
and they're just staring at me,
and I'm like,
"Oh, see all your friends
"Look at that kid.
Look at him!
"He just caught the ball! Yeah!
"Sit on the bench and watch him.
Go ahead.
Study the game.
You'll fall in love with it."
No, they [bleep] hated it.
They're running around.
So now I send them all
out there.
I send all 17 out there.
"Here we go!
"Tyler, short-shortstop,
"right next to
second-second base.
"Go get it, buddy.
"Yup, Mason, go walk
around the field,
"pick up the cigarette butts,
put them in your hat, buddy.
"Get the whole perimeter.
"You know how you do it.
"Jackson, go follow him.
Make sure he doesn't eat them.
Just bird-dog him for me, okay?"
17.
And they're cute.
You know, they're six.
and uniforms and hats.
And they're standing
out in the field.
And, really, the only thing
they have in common
is that not one of them
gives a [bleep] about baseball.
Not one kid wants to be there.
Not one.
Now, I have a kid
who goes out to right field,
and he throws--
he brings a soccer ball with him
and he plays soccer.
He practices his soccer drills.
Right in right field.
It'sBend It Like Mason
in right field.
I got another kid
looking for the biggest rocks
he can find,
and he picks them up,
and he throws them at the kids
on the other bench.
Not interested
in the game at all.
Rocks at [bleep] kids.
Unbelievable arm, by the way.
Fantastic arm.
Take the rock out of it,
put a baseball into it,
it's like pissing in the wind.
He's all over the place.
Put the rock back in,
he's like a Middle Eastern kid
fighting back the army, just--
every time.
Right down the middle.
I got another kid
who cups his farts,
walks over to his teammates,
and he just [bleep]
throws them at them like this.
And I made that kid the captain.
That kid is the captain.
Put a C on that kid's chest.
That builds team spirit.
That's camaraderie.
You can't fake that energy.
As I sit on the mound,
six hours a week,
just throwing the ball.
"Come on.
One of you [bleep] just hit
this ball forward, please."
Nobody ever hits
the ball forward, nobody.
It's like the Halley's Comet
of Little League.
It feels like it never happens,
but when it does,
it's magical.
That's when all 17 kids
on the team,
regardless of positioning,
they now check
back into this game,
and they run to that ball.
There is no more team.
It isBraveheart,
every man for themselves.
I've seen fishhooks,
eye gouges,
kids diving
on top of one another,
making a little
six-year-old human pile.
Because they all want that ball,
every one of them.
'Cause that's
the coolest kid of all.
The kid who gets the ball,
he gets to come out of the pile,
raise it over his head,
and then throw it
over to first base.
But guess what.
Nobody's at [bleep] first base,
nobody,
including the kid
that hit the ball.
As soon as he hit it,
he just dropped his bat
and just ran into the pile
to get his [bleep] ball back.
I don't blame him.
That's more fun that running
around some stupid dirt bases.
Yeah.
17 kids, man.
And not one Dominican.
They could not find me
one Dominican kid?
I got Tylers, Chances, Masons.
There wasn't a Raul,
a Manny, a Big Papi
[bleep] hanging out anywhere?
No?
Not for Coach Steve?
Okay. Fine.
All right.
I'm looking at two
12-year-old kids online
They're Dominican.
They're very skinny.
I want to get them
over here, guys.
I want to put them
in school, maybe.
See if they have
they can bring with them.
I want to build a winner.
That's all.
Don't put Coach Steve in charge.
I'm gonna win.
'Cause the problem I have
is that the kids on my team,
they don't want
to play baseball.
They don't.
If you asked my son
what he wants to be right now--
Batman.
Superman.
That's it.
That's his jam, superheroes.
He wears a cape.
Like, that's his
everyday outfit.
Underwear, cape.
Like, his cape is his favorite
thing in the world to wear.
He runs around the house,
[bleep] cape,
"Look at me, flying and sh*t."
So now he wants to wear a cape
Yeah, so I'm gonna
ask the parents in here,
what would you do
if your son or daughter
wanted to wear a cape
Do--some people say, "Do it."
You are the sensitive people.
No, the answer is,
practice, okay?
No.
He came to me,
and he was like,
"Daddy, I want to wear a cape
to Little League."
I'm like, "No, buddy.
No cape at Little League."
"Please, Daddy.
I really want to do it."
"No. Buddy,
you cannot wear a cape."
"Please, Daddy.
It'll make me run faster."
And I'm like, "Fine, [bleep] it.
Wear the red one. Just wear it."
And he wears the red one,
and now once one kid
wears a cape--
yes, that's why
the answer is no.
Once one kid wears a cape,
now all the kids want capes.
All the kids on my team
want capes.
We play--half my team shows up
in capes now.
Half of it.
We play other teams,
those kids see our capes,
and they're like, "Oh, sh*t,
we want capes too!"
They're telling their parents,
"We want capes!"
Their parents come over,
and they're yelling at me,
and it's such a difference
between the mom and the dads.
The dads come over like, "Dude,
"what's with
the [bleep] capes, man?
"This isn't the Justice League.
Cut this sh*t out, okay?
It's baseball."
The mothers come over like,
"What you're doing
for those handicapped kids
"is unbelievable, sir.
"Unbelievable.
"Thank you.
You're a pillar
of the community."
My son, he struck out,
which--you don't really
strike out in Little League.
It's more like, "Yeah,
"let's just put that sh*t down
for a second
and give it a break."
So he was--
it was his turn up
coming up soon,
so he was in the on-deck circle,
and I could see
he was a little nervous.
He was, like, fidgeting
in the on-deck circle.
So I went over to him,
and I'm like, "Hey, buddy.
Don't even worry
about that last time, okay?"
I'm like, "That was crazy.
"This time, you just
concentrate on the ball,
"you swing hard,
you have fun,
and just don't worry about it."
He's like, "All right, Daddy."
He's like, "Daddy, I'm not
gonna strike out on this one."
I'm like, "I know, buddy.
He's like,
"I'm gonna use the force."
And I was like, "Yes, buddy.
Concentrate. Use the force."
So he gets up,
and he's got the bat back,
and he's looking--I can
see him really concentrating.
And then as soon as that kid
lets go of the ball,
my son just drops the bat
trying to control it.
The ball comes and smashes
into his little leg,
crumples him to the ground.
Yeah, all the parents,
like, "Oh!"
I'm like,
I didn't know what he meant,
"Use the force" like that!
Who saw that coming?
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"Steve Rannazzisi: Breaking Dad" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/steve_rannazzisi:_breaking_dad_18884>.
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