Stillwater Page #3

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You know, Variety

can go f*** themselves

and for your information

I'm in the works right now

with a f***ing whale.

Have you heard of

Martin Scorsese?

That's amazing.

Dead mobster number four is

the perfect role for you.

(laughing)

Whatever, I don't

entertain criticism

from Helena Bonham

Carter wannabes.

Sure you don't?

Mmm.

(laughing)

You're a man of few words,

but you know how

to hit that thing.

Silence is golden, man.

That's deep.

Yeah.

Oooh.

(coughing)

[Vera] Wow.

(laughing)

Right on, man.

You know what, man?

I know it's more mainstream,

but I still feel shady.

(laughing)

This coming from the guy

who used to put video cameras

in the girl's locker room.

There's no evidence

that that was me.

Holy sh*t.

Who remembers the night

that we got stuck on

the f***ing roof, right?

- Yeah, at the Dog Way Club.

- Yeah, I remember this.

It was like two in

the morning, easy.

Got a carton of eggs

at our f***ing feet

and we're trying to chuck

'em across the street,

hit a f***ing car

on the highway,

like a semi-truck or something,

except no one could

f***ing do it.

- No, no, except Dawson.

- Except for f***ing Dawson.

Dawson.

Unbelievable.

Kid's got a f***ing cannon

attached to his shoulder.

He leans back, puts

one in the air,

hits the f***ing windshield

right in the middle.

The guy's f***ing blind.

Yeah, dude, that thing

screeched to a halt

in the middle of

the f***ing highway.

Completely dead stop.

Buddy f***ing pulls out a

revolver out of his boot.

He just starts

aiming at the air.

"I will f***ing end all of you."

(laughing)

It was out of control.

F***ing slept on

the goddamn roof.

Couldn't leave.

I remember that.

Richie's mom tore

us a new a**hole.

Sure did.

Plus we had to explain

why Leech pissed himself.

I didn't, I

didn't piss myself.

Man, f*** you guys.

[Richie] All right.

(laughing)

So, I guess there's a

bad boy in there after all.

I guess so, if

you dig deep enough.

(laughing)

You know they say

pot won't kill you?

Well, it did once.

And when I came back, my

life was changed forever.

(laughing)

I was there.

This will enlighten

you in many many ways.

Is that right?

(bong water bubbling)

(exhaling)

(dance music)

[Vera] Holy sh*t.

I know, right?

Right?

That's what I'm talking about.

(laughing)

[Fauna] Holy sh*t.

You know, if I may be

so bold as to suggest,

(coughing)

let's really get

this night going.

What is that?

Potion eight.

All your favorite

pyschotropic effects

rolled into one little

piece of glorious heaven.

This sh*t is no joke, man,

but there's like virtually

no hangover the next morning.

Did you make

that yourself, man?

I learned it from the

ancient druids of Stonehenge.

They used to take it annually

on the winter solstice.

When I died, I visited

the Akashic records.

There you could learn

anything and everything

about human history,

like even how to craft these.

You're welcome.

You'll thank me later.

F*** it, man.

You can't listen to

captain here anymore.

It's been like 15 f***ing years.

F*** yeah.

When in Rome

or Stillwater, or wherever

the north woods f*** we are.

(laughing)

(laughing)

That was easy.

Pass it down.

Pass it down, pass it down.

Hell yeah.

Get me one of them.

Dawson, come on, man.

Yo, seriously,

this sh*t is like nothing

you've ever experienced before.

Would I ever steer you wrong?

(laughing)

Guys, strength in unity.

[All] Unity in strength.

[Richie] Oh.

F***ing jocks.

(heavy rock music)

(vomiting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(urinating)

(eerie atmospheric music)

Coop.

Coop, wake up, man.

Hey, you all right, buddy?

Coop.

(intense orchestral music)

Guys, get up.

Guys, get the f*** up.

Leech, get up, man.

Willie, Jack.

Sh*t.

Oh, god.

[Leech] Dude, it's like,

what, the ass crack of dawn?

Aw, f***.

What the hell happened

last night, man?

That's an

interesting question.

Dawson, what's going on, man?

It's bad, it's bad.

[Willie] What?

Dawson?

Dawson?

Maybe he's passed out.

No, f*** you, dude.

F*** you, dude.

You don't know.

This ain't cutting off

somebody's bunions, man.

This is f***ing life.

I'm a doctor, Leech.

I know a dead body

when I see one.

No, bullshit, man.

Bullshit.

(crying)

Oh, f***, dude.

Oh, f***.

Dude.

How the hell did this happen?

He fell, man.

Why'd you have to

put his tent so close

to the f***ing edge for?

I didn't roll him

out of it, did I?

- F*** you, f*** you.

- Guys, does it really matter?

We need to get help.

Jack, do you have reception?

The booster's

only reach so far.

We're literally in the

middle of f***ing nowhere.

I still can't

believe he's dead.

He's f***ing dead.

What the f***?

[Jack] So, what now?

I'm gonna go find the girls

and that f***ing Wizard.

(ominous atmospheric music)

He's right.

Maybe he'll tell us what the

f*** happened last night.

Willie, you knew

then, didn't you?

Didn't you?

Kara, easy.

Go ahead, Willie, continue.

I only brought enough for me.

I'm not playing mom

to you man-boys.

Where are the others?

I was wondering the same

thing about you a minute ago,

as in I have no idea.

What happened last night?

A lot of sh*t

happened last night.

Luckily, only some

of it was homoerotic.

Listen, chick, we're

done with your attitude.

Easy, Richie.

She obviously has no idea.

No idea about what?

(eerie atmospheric music)

[Leech] He looks

so small from here.

[Jack] What are you, five?

So, what are we gonna do now?

We need help.

No sh*t.

I mean, we get help, Richie.

We can't just leave him here.

There's like bears

and vultures and sh*t.

Vultures?

Dude, this isn't

the f***ing Sahara.

[Jack] No, he's right.

We should drag him

up here or something.

No, we shouldn't do that.

No, Will, we should.

No man left behind.

Look, man, we're not

gonna move any bodies

until the cops come over

here and sort all this out.

[Jack] What is

there to sort out?

He fell from a steep ass cliff.

I mean, you checked

his vitals, right?

He's gone, man.

You don't think

it was an accident.

(ominous atmospheric music)

I don't work in forensics.

I just think we all

don't know what happened

after a certain point, so we

should all just figure all

that out before we

start moving bodies.

[Richie] What the hell

are you trying to say, man?

Spit it out.

He doesn't have

one broken bone, man.

Not one broken bone, not one

scrape on his whole body.

There's no way he

fell down this cliff.

He's got a huge

f***ing gash on his head.

A gash?

You think you're gonna

fall down a cliff

and just get a gash?

So, wait wait wait wait wait.

What are you trying to say, man,

that one of us killed Coop?

No, it's not

possible, not possible.

None of us could've killed Coop,

but that f***ing Wizard.

I knew that guy was a piece

of sh*t the minute he arrived.

Hey, you don't know him.

He wouldn't hurt a fly.

She's right, dude.

He wouldn't.

So, don't go accusing

people who aren't here

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