Stir Crazy Page #3

---

'cause they also have...

the most liberal good time program

in the country.

If the bottom should drop out

from under you innocent bad-asses...

that's one bright spot

to look forward to.

- What is he talking about?

- Do you know what he said?

- The bottom falls...

- Should the bottom fall out?

"This filthy roach-ridden reality...

is inspiring..."

What did that second policeman say to

you when he grabbed you by the throat?

- Man, I don't f***ing believe you.

- "Man, I don't f***ing believe you-"

- Fabulous!

- You don't get it, do you?

You think this is

the Count of Monte Cristo?

We're in trouble. This is the real deal.

We're in deep sh*t.

You and I are innocent.

You know that, I know that,

and somewhere outside...

The two guys who really pulled

that bank job know it too.

But the cops don't know it!

Donahue! Monroe!

I am entitled

to a private interview.

Forget it.

- Hello, sir. Are you here for us?

- I believe so.

I'm Skip Donahue.

This is my buddy Harry Monroe.

I'm Len Garber,

your court-appointed lawyer.

- What a pleasure it is to see you.

- Do me a favor.

Call this number for me.

It's my girlfriend, Cindy Laurence.

- They won't let me make a phone call.

- This is very important to him.

- Of course I will.

- Tell her we're at our cousin's.

- There's been a huge misunderstanding.

- A huge misunderstanding.

I am more or less familiar

with the case.

You know that we're so innocent?

Isn't there some lightning stroke

you can use to cut through this garbage?

This isn't funny anymore.

Do they know I hate confinement?

All I can do is shower them

with motions...

and try to keep

the prosecution off-balance.

- I've already filed two.

- You've only filed two motions?

- How about a dozen on me?

- We're dealing with robbery and assault.

In this part of the country you might

as well have set fire to the Pentagon.

Will the defendants rise.

Considering all the facts and arguments

presented by both counsel...

and after careful deliberation...

I find the defendants

guilty as charged.

Do you wish to waive the right

to a presentence hearing?

- No.

- Yes, Your Honor.

Taking into account the severe

and ruthless nature of this crime...

and the bleak prospects

for your rehabilitation...

I hereby sentence you

to serve 125 years...

in the custody of the commissioner

of the Department of Corrections.

Wait! No, no, no! Wait!

No. Sit, sit, sit!

We didn't do it!

- There's a misunderstanding.

- That's right.

We didn't do it.

- Our lawyer told us to come up...

- I know I didn't.

He's joking.

He means we didn't do it.

- We didn't do it.

- Have you got the right case?

This is Monroe and Donahue.

Harry Monroe.

Look under there.

Black, tall. Black man.

- How much does that mean in actual time?

- Thirty years, tops.

I'm gonna be a dead old man.

I don't wanna do 125...

I don't wanna do one.

I don't even want to do a hundred.

I can't.

I'm gonna kill this mother...

I am fighting mad

about what happened in there.

It's not the end of the world. What

do you think our next move should be?

- I'll get the appeal going.

- 125 years!

- Stop it! It's only 30 years.

- Oh, God!

Can you get your staff

to press a little harder?

Like track down those guys

who really pulled it off?

It's only a one-man show.

But I have a cousin

visiting from Massachusetts.

She's a terrific social worker,

could be helpful.

125 years! I won't be able

to have grandchildren!

Thanks.

It's chilling.

It's frighteningly real.

It's almost surrealistic. Cold...

Will you shut up, at least till we

get out of this mess you got us into.

Let's go. No slow buckin'!

- Sir, how come...

- Shut up, a**hole, and move out.

This is ridiculous.

This is from the Middle Ages.

How do they expect you to move anywhere?

I'll bet you this whole thing

is illegal too.

- Excuse me, sir.

- Keep movin', turkey.

Get up!

You're gonna have to learn

the hard way, fella.

I was right. This is illegal,

and he knows it too.

Jesus! The man

ain't never gonna learn!

Maybe after they whup him

upside the head a few times.

- Just get into the flow of it.

- I'm trying.

- Don't fight.

- I'm not fighting. It's fighting me.

What you up for, sweet pants?

We're innocent, man!

I swear we are!

My name ain't no goddamn

"sweet pants-"

Holy sh*t!

I think I have the swing of it now.

This is much better.

- Thanks.

- Sure.

- My name is Skip Donahue.

- Jesus Ramirez.

Nice to meet you.

What brings you here?

I've been here seven years, seven years

away from my beautiful Teresa.

Today I was in court,

an appeal hearing. Lost again.

They accuse me of robbing several banks.

But no way! I was drunk and all.

I'm positive I only robbed one bank.

How about you?

My friend and I were doing

this song and dance act...

Must've been pretty bad.

Excuse me, Major. I'm not very good

at these written tests.

I think you get much more

of my original flavor in oral...

You know, I'm just about to lose

my patience with you.

I was trying to explain...

Keep writing, sh*t-face.

Two pears, three apples...

Listen to me.

A kid tried that once

at Camp Minnekanie in Vermont.

I hit him so hard that his braces

ripped the whole upper part of his lip.

His mother had to come get him

in the middle of the season.

- What do they put in those dollhouses?

- What do you think?

- Us?

- Yes! You got it on the first try.

- Harry?

- What?

- We're in prison.

- Welcome to the real world.

Not a minute too soon,

I might add.

Brace up. Be strong.

- What?

- I don't think I'm going to make it.

Hang on, man. Don't mess up.

Just think about our appeal.

Skip, please.

Excuse me, sir. Could I...

Wait a minute.

I'm not a troublemaker.

No more hitting.

Did you hear what I just said?

No more hitting. Turn around.

You want to stay late tonight?

I said turn around!

Let's get outta here!

Come on, Silver!

I'm freaking.

Giddyap! So long, suckers!

He thinks he's a horse.

Help me!

Don't hit him!

Please, he's sick.

He's having a fit.

He don't have his fit pills.

He's got 'em, honest.

Vietnam. Please don't hit him.

Help me, Harry!

Oh, sh*t.

It's okay.

You did it.

- He's okay now.

- I'm okay.

It's out of my system.

- You okay?

- Yes.

- He's okay.

- I'm 100 percent.

Please, okay? Just this once.

It's okay.

Pretend it's okay.

- He's okay. See?

- Yeah, we're okay.

- Works okay?

- Yeah.

- He's okay.

- Nothing but tops.

For God's sakes.

You're gonna get us in trouble.

It's all right.

I can't take it!

- Mama!

- Come here.

Take your pill.

Three seconds, you'll see, it's over.

1001, 1002, 1003.

Finished!

- Hup, hup two!

- What did I tell you?

Let's go back in line.

Here we go.

Thanks very much.

- Here we go. What's next?

- This way.

All right.

- Yes?

- I'd like some spare ribs...

French fries and a big, juicy

cheeseburger with a chocolate malt.

Thanks.

I can get you some of those things,

especially the cheeseburger.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes