Stir Crazy Page #6

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- We don't have a few more days!

The stock's been delivered to the farm,

the rodeo contracts are out...

And Doerin Prison's

a big jump ahead of us already.

Bein' from the East, I thought the kid

would be a little softer in the crotch.

He's soft, all right.

You just don't know

where to kick him!

What are you talkin' about, my appendix?

Hey, man, I know about appendix.

I had my appendix

taken out already!

Help!

I had my appendix taken out...

Officer, help me!

Please, help!

What you in for, brother?

There's gotta be

some kind of confusion.

They said my appendix grew back,

but I had it taken out years ago.

- What about you?

- I came here for a hernia operation.

- They cut off one of my nuts by mistake.

- Say what!

They said

I didn't need it anymore.

Now I can't eat,

I don't sleep...

I got no enthusiasm,

don't write my woman no more.

I'm supposed to get out next year,

but I don't care whether I do.

You sure take it calm.

Ain't nothin'

I can do about it now.

But look, they got this Korean doctor

just set foot in this country.

- Make sure you don't get him.

- That's right.

- He's the one made the mistake on me.

- Korean, right.

Jesus Christ!

What's the matter with him?

Oh, man, that's just Johnson.

He's on a hunger strike, so they're

force-feedin' him to keep him alive.

Thank God.

There is some humanity in this place.

They're gonna electrocute him

next month.

Mr. Frazier?

How do you go?

That's the cat did me.

Make sure you

cover up them jewels!

Hello, Donahue.

What can I do for ya?

I'm ready to make a deal.

Oh? What kind of deal?

I want my own team.

And I want a bigger cell

with better ventilation.

What's the matter?

Has Grossberger been fartin' on ya?

Settle down, Wilson!

- I don't make deals, Donahue.

- Oh, I know that.

But I think in this case

it might be arranged.

- Good.

- I wanna win that trophy.

I'm countin' on you

to go balls out for it.

I only have one speed:

Balls out.

That's the spirit.

You're gonna be outta here while

you're still a relatively young man.

I'm looking forward

to that a lot.

- I guess we got ourselves a deal, huh?

- I guess so.

Ride 'em, cowboy.

I want an inmate-guard on them

every minute.

- Graham'll keep on eye on 'em.

- Put Blade on Graham.

Right.

Get on down all the way.

Get on down.

Hey, sucker!

Sh*t gonna start now, man.

What you doin'

joinin' the rodeo...

City dude like you,

suckin' up to the warden?

He's not sucking up

to the warden.

We're just havin' a little fun.

We showed some aptitude for this.

- That's all.

- Aptitude? You hear that?

Lay off him, Blade.

The man just doin' what he gotta do.

They were gonna cut the dude's nuts off.

- Ain't that right?

- I don't wanna discuss my nuts.

- Work your tail off, cowboy.

- Don't sweat it so hard.

Get shoved aside by someone who wouldn't

know one end of a pony from another.

Now he may be goin' into the rodeo,

but that don't mean he's comin' out.

What a horse.

Jesus, what a beauty.

What a sweet,

beautiful face he has.

Look. He's listening to us.

He's listening to every word

that we say. I'll bet you anything.

Sweetheart, here I come.

Don't be misled, my friend.

He's a chute fighter.

He will try to kill you in the chute.

He'd like to kick your head off.

I don't think so.

I'd love to try him.

- Don't you think you're rushing this?

- Did you see the look he gave me?

This is a sweetheart.

This is a little pussycat.

Although, I'll tell you the truth,

I've never ridden a real horse before.

Try to remember:

No spurs on the belly.

- No spurs on the belly.

- Spurs up high.

Well, this should be a snap.

Let her rip!

Skip! Are you all right?

I'm all right, fellas.

I just wanted to know what it was like

to get thrown. Grossberger, I'm fine.

You can put me down now.

You know, you get a little

overprotective sometimes?

Okay, where is that sucker?

Now let me explain to you

about bulls, okay?

A bull is the most evil,

disgustin'...

And crafty sucker in the world.

He'll snot on you, fart on you...

do anything he can

to mash out your brain.

The worst kind of bull

is the one that won't do nothin'.

Just stand there, look at ya.

That means he's studyin' you,

soakin' up your weak spots...

And rememberin' 'em for the time

he gets to prance on your head.

Blade, you got it wrong.

I'm a clown.

I shoot the firecrackers

and the soda water.

There's a little car,

ten midgets in it, we all get out.

- That ain't no rodeo clown.

- I know...

A rodeo clown is the most

dangerous job in the world.

He's the one that gets

closest to the bull!

- He gets the best of the bull.

- I don't want the best.

Hook to the left!

Hook to the side!

If the bull rider is in danger,

he's got to protect him...

even if it means

gettin' his ribs pulled out...

- And bein' freight-trained!

- Freight-trained?

That's right.

Run over, just like a freight train.

Only with a bull, it's worse.

'Cause a freight train don't back up

and finish the job.

Later on I'll teach you the proper way

to lie on the stretcher...

when they come to pick you up.

- When they what?

- Right.

Now, let's practice tryin'

to sucker the bull out the chute.

'Cause the warden wants you in one piece

till after the rodeo.

- Then your ass belong to me. Got that?

- What about balloons and stuff?

Now, every bull has a secret word

that makes him crazy...

Sends him into his wildest ride.

Your job is to

figure out that word.

Bull?

Let me see.

Rumplestiltskin?

Bull.

Malt liquor.

Come on, bull.

Hey, sexy.

Sh*t.

Oh, you motherf***er!

Congratulations!

You found the word!

Over there.

How are you?

I'm a little groggy from looking

at records of tattoo patterns.

Who got which, when, where.

So far nothing.

The court refuses to act

on the little girl's word.

Doesn't look too good, huh?

Can you think of anything

that we might've overlooked?

Some small piece of evidence?

- Anything?

- Anything.

This may sound silly,

but have you seen A Place In The Sun?

A Place In The Sin?

With Elizabeth Taylor

and Montgomery Clift?

- Yeah.

- That's my favorite.

Your favorite?

That's your...

That's my favorite too!

What does that tell us?

It tells us that maybe we're not such

strangers as circumstances would imply.

Maybe we're not.

You know...

I'm working on a new play,

and I just wondered...

would you like to come

to the opening night with me?

I'd love to.

Maybe we oughta get you

outta here first, though.

Shoot.

Rodeo man

Oh, rodeo man

Put my entry down

Got an old bullwhip

And a new pair of spurs

And I'm gonna take your town

Oh, rodeo man

Down in the valley

The valley so low

Hang your head over

Hear the wind blow

Hear the wind blow, love

Hear the wind blow

Hang your head over

Hear the wind blow

Roses love sunshine

Violets love dew

Angels in heaven

know I love you

If you don't love me

Love who you please

Put your arms 'round me

Give my heart ease

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