Stolen Summer Page #5

for six months. Remission? Means

it's still kind of there, but it's not really

bothering me. I swear, my hair wasn't this

light before. Was the fire scary? I don't know what happened. I was upstairs playing

in my room, and then I saw a lot

of smoke. Then your dad came in

and saved my life. But it's nothing like the fire

drills we do in school. Speaking of school,

what grade are you in? I'm going into second over

at Briarwood. I'm going into third

over at Holy Cross. What's it like to be Jewish? I don't know. Good. I'm Catholic. What's that like? Noisier. Things are usually noisier

around here, but it's been quieter because

of the shiva. You should've been

at my Uncle Jim's funeral. You would've thought

it was a birthday party. My mom said that everyone's sad

because the person died, but then again, they're happy

because he gets to go to Heaven. Jewish people can't go

to Heaven. Why not? 'Cause they're Jewish. God doesn't let Jewish people

into Heaven. But if you're interested,

maybe I could help

you get to Heaven. Yeah? Yep. All I have to do

is convert you. How do you do that? I don't know. I've never actually converted

anyone before. So what can I do in Heaven? Anything you want. They call it Paradise. Sounds good. So when can we start? Meet me at your synagogue

tomorrow. Alright. We got a rain delay? Man: Yeah, 15 minutes, Joe. Oh, yeah? Alright.

Well, we'll stay here. [ Thunder rumbles ] So, Danny's a good kid, huh? Yeah. His hair's short

because of the medicine, but it's growing back. You didn't try

saying anything to him about what we, uh,

talked about, did you? But, Dad, Danny wants

to do it, also. What did I say? His family is Jewish. He's Jewish. They don't want to be

Christian. But it's a quest. Your quest is called off,

my friend. But I promised Danny. We're meeting

at the synagogue -- No, you're not! You don't go trying to convert

Jewish kids the same way they don't come

over here trying to convert us! But he wants to do it. I said no, and I don't want to

hear another word from you! You do not go to that temple

anymore. You do not bother Danny

or his family anymore. And, so help me, God, if I find out you've been

going over there, you're gonna get the spanking

of a lifetime, and you're gonna be grounded

until you're 16, do you understand?! Yes, sir. [ Birds chirping ] Mr. O'Malley. You lost? Hey, Father. No, I'm not lost. I just have a lot more

questions than answers. Ah. [ Sighs ] Where are you going? I'm just gonna check out

what this place looks like from your seat. That's my chair.

Don't break it. Do you get the collection

money? [ Chuckles ] No. Why,

did someone tell you I did? No. But then,

how do you get paid? [ Sighs ] Don't you need to get

home, Mr. O'Malley? Your job is to help people

get to Heaven, right? Yes. But have you ever actually seen

someone in Heaven? No. Well, then, how do you know

if they made it to Heaven? Faith. Faith? Yep. Believing in something

completely without actually having

any proof of it. Faith. I-I don't have any proof

of Heaven, but I have faith it exists. What's the best way

to get to Heaven? Believing in Jesus. Living the way he taught us

to live. Well, how do we know

if we're doing that? Is there, like,

some kind of test? Well, your life is the test. So, then, you have to die

to find out how you did

on the test. I guess so. Don't you just once

want to know if one of the people you pray

for made it to Heaven? [ Sighs ] In due time. What's the purpose

of Communion? To make a part of Jesus

a part of us. Well, then, why do I have to

wait till third grade? I mean,

wouldn't it help me now? The church believes

that Catholics should fulfil

a few requirements before they earn the sacrament

of Communion. Like passing a few tests. Yes. So if I pass all the tests,

I can get Communion? Yes. Thanks, Father. You cleared up

quite a few things for me. [ Horn honking, birds chirping ] What are you doing? Our quest has to be done

in secret. Our mission

is now undercover. Why? Just follow me. So, this doesn't actually really

look like it's undercover, but why are we undercover? Well, 'cause. So, what's our mission? To get you to Heaven. Right. So, how am I gonna get

to Heaven? I don't know. You gotta have some ideas. Well... we're gonna have to set up

some tests. Have you taken

any of these tests? Next year, I have to complete

First Communion training. What's Communion? This piece of bread

that's Jesus. And you eat it? Yeah. Gross! So I should do the

First Communion training, shouldn't I? Well, I haven't done it yet,

so I don't know what it's like. But we can make up some tests

of our own. How about something like

a Bruce Jenner? Win the decathlon,

go to Heaven. Yeah, something like that. And then we should have

a gold-medal ceremony. Gotta have a medal. Communion can be our medal. R-i-i-i-ight. Hey, wait up! No, I'm gonna beat you! [ Train rumbling ] Did you know

that my mom and dad don't let me on the El

without them? Yeah, but Father Kelly

at the church, he always talks about

this risk reward. So you'll be okay if your

parents find out. You'll just explain to them that

the risk is worth the reward. Okay, anyways, listen. I heard Bruce Jenner say that the key to winning the

decathlon is to stay focused. You stay focused on

the decathlon, forget

about everything else, and then, uh, you can, uh, get to the Communion part

of it. In the summertime

when the weather is hot You can stretch right up

and touch the sky When the weather's fine You got women, you got women

on your mind Have a drink,

have a drive... If you see my sister,

just start running. But how will I know

it's your sister? I'll be running. Right. ...if her daddy's poor,

just do what you feel Speed along the lane... Oof! You gotta watch where

you're goin'. You okay? They seem to be starting younger

and younger these days. ...we're not dirty,

we're not mean We love everybody,

but we do as we please... Come on. Listen... you have to get serious. Bruce Jenner is faster,

stronger, and can jump higher

than anyone else I know. So I figure that that's how

we should do the decathlon. Okay, I'm fast. Well, first you have to be

baptised. [ Giggling ] Ahh! Ahh! Amen! I think it would've been easier

if you were a baby. On your mark... get set... go! [ Breathing heavily ] Alright! Good job! Thanks. One, two, three,

four, five. ...we'll go driving

or maybe we'll settle down Try to throw past

that line. [ Grunts ] Whoa.

That was a good throw. So, what else can we do? Well, in the Olympics,

I've seen them do hurdles. But what could we hurdle? [ Sighs ] [ Both chuckle ] Go for it. Hey! Hey, you! Whoa! [ Laughing ] Oh, shoot! Whoa. We really need the right rock

to do this. You want the surface

to be flat like this. My record's, like,

five skips. Okay, maybe that was

a little too hard. This one? Yeah, you could try it. Might not work,

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