Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot Page #2

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I've had a few problems

since my cleaning lady left.

Maybe she's lost in there.

Pineapple chunks?

- They're your favorite!

We've got them here too.

They don't taste the same.

- It's canned, exactly the same.

My son, the gourmet? Ha, ha.

Come on up, darling.

This is the way we clean the house,

clean the house, clean the house.

This is the way we clean the house,

early in the morning...

Oh God, make her stop!

Thank you, God.

I owe you.

What's this?

Oh, Joe's gun.

Look at this, all greasy and dirty.

Let's see...

There we go.

This and this...

Some of this...

Let's see... A little of that...

That's gonna be good!

Where do they keep the bullets?

Oh, not in there.

What's this little thing here?

Oh, goodness gracious.

Yes, that's where they are.

Okay, we'll wash those too.

This is the way we wash our gun,

wash our gun, wash our gun...

This is the way we wash our gun,

early in the morning.

Going to clean that out

really well. That's fine.

Go ahead, make your bed!

What did you do to my gun?

- Nothing, I cleaned it.

You ruined it!

You took all the bluing off!

Chlorox? Great!

It's going to blow up in my hand now.

Try to do something helpful...

Nice and original.

You get barked at! Come on, Pix!

Mom, I'm sorry. It's an old gun.

I don't use it any more.

Breakfast!

- Mom!

Nothing I haven't seen before.

- Would you turn around please?

Both of you!

God.

Pixie and I thought we'd pop

into the station, see where you work.

Did you cut yourself?

No!

- Need some iodine? - No!

A Band-Aid? - No!

The station is out of the question.

Absolutely unequivocally.

We'll talk over breakfast.

- I'm serious.

What did I always tell you?

Breakfast is the most important meal.

Start on these, and I'll scramble

some eggs. - I don't like eggs.

If you don't eat them for breakfast,

they'll be waiting for you at dinner.

Bye, sweetie, have a nice day.

Oh, Joey...

You forgot your lunch!

We're not off

to a very good start, are we, Pixie?

Know what we should do?

We should get

Joey something a little special.

Let's see...

You want to get out here?

I mean, look at this place...

Ridiculous! I'm from Newark.

If you want stopping power,

this is your baby.

Charter Arms,.44, Bulldog.

No, my son's is bigger.

I got a bottle brush down the barrel.

You put a brush down the barrel?

Yeah, I wanted to clean out...

Never mind.

Okay, bigger. How about this?

That's it!

Taurus, PT,.99, long barrel.

Punch a hole through a Pontiac.

How much? - $450. - $450?

- The Bulldog is only $325.

No, I want the big one.

Dont suppose you gift-wrap? - No.

I'll take it like that.

- There's a cooling-off period.

Give me your driver's license.

I'll do the paperwork.

In 2 weeks it's yours.

- I need it today!

Sorry, that's the law.

Can I have it back?

Come on, Pixie.

Hey, lady!

You want to buy a gun today?

You got a gun for sale?

You do?

- Step into my office.

Lightweight, adjustable stock.

- No!

I want a Taurus.99 long barrel.

Your son will love this.

What'll he do with that? He carries

his gun under his jacket. - Wait!

Wait a minute. Here, here.

What about one of these?

You've seen Miami Vice.

This is a Mac 10.

All the big dealers love this gun.

I don't think that's exactly my Joey.

That's a full automatic. That means

You can cut down trees with it.

How much?

- $500.

$350.

They're there.

- Great.

Bless you.

- I'm coming down with something.

You've got allergies.

- I've got a fever.

The Santa Anna wind's very heavy.

What do you know about it!

Yeah? - Mr. Parnell, we've located

the misappropriated merchandise.

If you're certain it's ours...

then repossess it.

- Yes, sir.

Bless you. - Let's go?

- To work! - Let's go.

Do you want to sell me the gun,

or sit dreaming about $500?

Okay. Dont forget that extra clip.

Nice doing business with you.

Come on, Pixie!

He's going round the front.

Damn!

Morning!

There you go.

- Thanks.

Hangover?

Heartburn.

What did you eat for breakfast?

Juice, fruit, milk,

eggs, bacon and sausage,

hash browns,

toast, pancakes,

honey rolls,

Cocoa Puffs. There's more.

You must've been starving.

- I wasn't hungry.

My mother's visiting.

Well, when your mamma cooks,

she cooks.

Mind you...

breakfast is supposed

to be the most important meal.

Thank you, Tony.

Have a nice day.

- Hey, Joe. - Yeah?

Thank God you've arrived.

- Why?

Your mom's here.

- My mom? - Yes.

Chicken pox?

Looks very good in spots.

Told everybody it was freckles.

Mom, are you okay?

- Fine. These things happen.

What things? - She witnessed

a murder. - A murder?

Yeah, downtown.

- What were you doing downtown?

Shopping. Just relax. Have a cookie.

- Shut up!

Maybe I should get the lieutenant...

- What's going on?

Nothing.

- I'm a witness.

Who is this?

- I'll introduce you.

Ross, you better shut up, I mean it.

- This is Tutti, Joey's mom.

Joey's mom?

- That's right, Gwen.

My mom.

As you can see,

it's been a shock for her,

so I'm taking her home.

Mrs. Bomowski is one of my

principle witnesses. - Your witness?

It's my case. Your mom's happy

to stay to the end of the month.

You said what?

You are so beautiful, Gwen.

That lovely hair and that smile.

Joey, if you'd worn your retainers,

you could've had teeth like that.

Say goodbye, we're going home.

- Not so fast.

I want to interview the witness.

What are you trying to do? - To you?

- This is just ridiculous!

It's ridiculous

your mother witnessed a murder?

No, Ross sticking his head into it.

I can't transfer it to you.

- He's told her to stay in town.

She's supposed to go back Monday.

- That was before the killing.

Can't we fly her back? If she stays

past Monday, I'll kill her myself.

What's wrong with you?

She seems wonderful. Warm, caring...

Obviously crazy about you.

- Crazy is right.

She talks to total strangers

about my diaper rash!

She loves you, Joe.

- Her love is driving me nuts!

Either way, she's staying.

Joe, come on. How bad can it be?

Two, three weeks tops.

This is about us, right?

This is about revenge?

Are you suggesting

I would use my rank? - Yes!

Dont let the door hit you

on your way out, Detective.

You can call me Lieutenant.

Dont be so gloomy! Think of all

the time we'll spend together.

Dont you want to hear my plan?

I want to brush my teeth

and go to bed.

You and I can crack this case.

When we find the killer,

you'll probably be promoted.

And things will work out with Gwen.

Goodnight.

I didn't tell Ross what I really saw.

I held it all back for you.

You're joking, right, Mom?

- No, it's not a joke.

You can't fool around with homicide.

You need this to get promoted.

I don't want a promotion.

- You're only a sergeant. - I like it.

Next you'll tell me

you like where you live.

I do. Mom, I'm happy.

I don't want to get promoted.

I don't want to get married.

I like my life.

I can wear my underwear more than

once, leave the toilet seat up...

Watch what I want on TV.

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