Strange Brew Page #3

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Doug

I see. Well, perhaps one of THESE [pulls out donut] would refresh your

memory, eh?

[Secretary hesitates, then snatches donut]

Secretary

Well, the day after HE died, his brother Claude married his wife and

took over the entire brewery. But there's a daughter...[she pauses]

Doug [to Bob]

Go, eh?

Bob

It's my last one!

Doug

Go!

[Bob give his donut to the secretary]

Bob

It's a jelly.

[Secretary takes donut]

Secretary

She just turned 21, and legally inherits the whole brewery.

Bob

So SHE'S the new boss?

[cut to boardroom]

Claude

However, today I've asked Pamela to stop by so we could present her

with this honorarium and temporary share transfer agreement.

Henry

In other words, you're buying her out!

Claude

No one is buying anyone out, Henry. This is a temporary arrangement to

relieve her of the burden of ownership so that she can continue with

her studies.

Henry [to Pam]

Do you WANT to be relieved of the burden of ownership?

Pam

Well, I don't know. Five million dollars is an awful lot of money.

My mother might have accepted your proposals, but I don't! Forget it,

uncle. I'm taking over the brewery!

Lawyer

There's a legal question to be considered here... Essentially this is a

vote of trust.

[cut to Bob and Doug wandering aimlessly in the hallways]

Bob

Come on, we're lost.

Doug

We are not!

Bob

We're lost in the brewery!

[Doug wrestles with Bob until LaRose emerges from doorway]

LaRose

Who are you?

Doug

Ah, yes. We have an appointment with the president--the new president,

not the one who died--of the brewery. Mr. Claude Elsinore. Perhaps

you've heard of him?

LaRose

Come on, I'll show you.

Bob

You know how that is? That's Jean LaRose, the Montreal Canadien

Rookie-of-the-Year two years ago, but he doesn't play hockey no more.

Doug

Take off, he's a cop and he knows you're lying about the mouse in the

bottle and he's going to arrest you and I'm going to be a witness.

Bob

I've got that guy's hockey card all over my room!

[cut to computer room, monitor shows Bob and Doug fighting]

Ted

Looks like LaRose's picked up those two hicks.

[cut to office]

Claude

But you don't know how to run a brewery! Who will handle the day-to-

day operations?

Pam

Henry Green ran it for my father, he can run it for me!

Henry

I'll help all I can. Excuse me. I just don't want to step on Smith's

toes.

Pam

Who?

[There's a knock at the door]

Claude

What? We're having a meeting!

LaRose [entering]

These gentlemen here say they have a meeting with you, eh?

Claude

When? What meeting?

Bob [to Pam]

Hey whiplash, how's it going?

Pam

Just fine, thanks.

[Pam and LaRose lock eyes to the tune of cheesy music]

Claude

What is the reason for this?

Doug

Are you Claude Elsinore?

Claude

Yes.

Doug

Well, we found this mouse in a bottle of YOUR beer, eh? Like we was at

a party, and a friend of ours, a cop, had some and he puked. And he

said 'come here and get free beer,' or he'll press charges.

Claude [looks at bottle]

Henry, could this have happened?

Henry

Well, not so long ago, when there were MEN on the bottling lines,

this sort of thing DIDN'T happen.

Pam

So let's get some MEN on the bottling line!

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[SCENE EIGHT - The bottling line]

Henry

Welcome to 1984, the age of automation and unemployment. The rise of

the machine and the fall of man. The end of the human era. [to Bob

and Doug] You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?

Doug

What? We can't hear you. We've got these things in our ears, eh?

Henry

Watch your step and remember, Big Brother is watching you. Put these

on [hand them goggles]. Safety requirements. [to Bob] Your job is to

watch the bottles on this line, watch them for mice!

Doug

What's my job?

Henry

Help him.

[Bob and Doug count beer bottles. Bob grabs two beers.]

Bob

You got an opener?

Doug

Yeah, I stole this! [he opens the bottles]

Bob

Two at a time, eh?

Doug

Yeah...to our new jobs, eh?

Bob

Cheers!

[cut to computer room]

Smith

Let me see what you've got.

Ted

Ok.

Smith

Good. Now bring the lunatics from the Institute. I want to see how

the drug in the beer is affecting them.

Ted

They're responding to the sounds...watch this. [plays organ -- the

lunatics run through tunnel to the brewery and suit up for hockey] Ok,

basically it's the same system, with a new addition. Specific tones

are still linked to motivation, but now we've added color

distinction. So, object A will attack object B, or black will attack

white, or vice versa. I'm going to try the whole thing out tomorrow.

Smith

Same concentration of formula?

Ted

Yes.

Smith

Good, that means we're right on schedule. Just one more test, and

then we are ready for the world! Light them up.

[Ted punches up lights on world map]

Smith

Thank you.

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[SCENE NINE - Elsinore castle--Claude, his wife, and Pam at dinner,

well dressed and eating KFC]

Claude

You know, Pamela, I don't want you to think that your mother and I

don't understand how you feel about losing your father.

Mother

If it had been ME, you'd have been over it by now.

Claude

It's easy to wallow in self pity--the hard thing is to go on living.

Mother

We always have our memories. The Colonel is dead, here we are still

enjoying his chicken!

Pam

Don't you think it's a little unusual to get married so soon after the

funeral?

[Claude shifts in his chair]

Claude

More bean medley, dear? [gives beans to mother]

[cut to McKenzie home]

Mom

Well, where'd you boys get all this beer?

Dad

You stole it, didn't you!? I'm calling the police!

Bob

No way, dad. This was free beer, dad. There's more outside.

Dad

How much more?

Doug

Oh, about ten or twelve cases. We got jobs at Elsinore brewery. We

work there now, eh?

Dad

Do you hear that, honey? They got JOBS! They got FREE BEER!

Hahahahahah!

[Bob and Doug go to retrieve more beer]

Bob

We're really in good with our folks now, eh?

Doug

Yeah, well let's not blow it by sleeping in and being late for our

first day on the job.

Bob

Well, why don't we stay up all night?

Doug

Beauty.

Dad

Honey, call the neighbors! Never mind, I'll do it myself! [on phone]

Hey George, the boys got jobs!

[Neighbors wake up and tell dad to shut up]

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[SCENE TEN -- Brewery--Pam walks in, sees Bob and Doug sleeping on

couch in lobby]

Secretary

They were here when I got here.

Pam

Guys!

Bob

Shut up, ma. [wakes up] Oh, geez! Good day, eh? We got here too

early...we was just waiting.

Pam

Well where's Henry Green? Weren't you supposed to meet him here?

Bob

Geez, I just got up, eh? I don't know.

Pam

Ok, well come on. You can't leave this mess here, so I'll show you to

the cafeteria and then we can go and find Henry Green, ok?

Bob [to Doug]

Get up!

[Bob and Doug bonk heads and begin fighting]

[cut to cafeteria]

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