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Strange Brew Page #6
- PG
- Year:
- 1983
- 90 min
- 619 Views
Bob
Well make up your mind, eh?
Doug
He was sleeping.
Bob
Well, maybe we should go back and feed him?
Doug
What, in case the party goes all night?
Bob
We got two kegs!
[Doug slams on the brakes, almost causing Claude to run into the van]
Bob
What are you doing!?
Doug
Uh, I was just testing the brakes, eh? They felt a little soft.
Smith
[as van turns off route] Where are they going?
Claude
I don't understand it! I gave them a map. It was all very clear!
Smith
Follow them...
[Bob and Doug pull up in front of their house]
Doug
Ok, don't be a hog, eh? We just have time for one quick one...
Bob
Ok...last one in the house is, uh, a big idiot.
Doug
Take off, eh?
[Doug yanks Bob's collar and enters house]
Doug
I win, eh?
Bob
[surveying messy house] Aw, geez, look at this. Dad really got into
the beers, eh?
Doug
Where are they? Mom? Dad?
[Bob and Doug blunder into their parents room to find them 'bonding']
Dad
Take off, eh?
Mom
Get out!
Bob
Sorry...
Doug
Geez, I didn't think that they still...
[Hosehead confronts them as they leave, growling]
Doug
Get him his bowl quick, or he'll kill us!
Bob
Yeah, he's got a funny look in his eye!
[Camera shows Hosehead's view -- Bob and Doug appear as T-Bone steaks.]
[cut to car outside]
Smith
What the stink are they doing in there?
Claude
Would you like me to tilt your chair back?
Smith
Shut up.
[cut back to house]
Bob
Twenty cans ought to be enough, eh? [to Hosehead] Listen, we're going
to a party. Don't eat the furniture.
Doug
[fiddling with pants] I've got to get some new underwears! [he produces
the disk from the lab]
Bob
Geez! Bootlegs!
Doug
You remember where we got this?
Bob
Yeah, it was when we were running off them pirates, eh?
Doug
Yeah, was that a dream or what?
Bob
It was no dream, it was in your underwears!
Doug
Ok, let's see...this is one of those new square records that goes in a
record player that's, like, on it's side.
[Doug places the disk on his turntable]
Bob
No way, that's an EP from some British new wave band!
Doug
Take off! You don't know.
Bob
Yeah, they bootleg those, eh?
[Doug plays the disk...it begins to squeal]
Doug
What do you think?
Bob
Sounds like a British new wave band!
Doug
Not my style of music...hey Hosehead! Here's another one for your
collection! [tosses disk to dog, who catches it in his mouth]
Bob
Beauty! Hank Aaron...I wonder if he can hit?
[cut to outside of house]
Smith
There they are!
[Bob and Doug stumble into van]
Bob
Hey, who's driving, eh?
Doug
I am, because you're too loaded to drive!
Bob
I am not! I'm just getting warmed up for the party, eh?
Doug
You can't drink and drive at the same time, you hoser!
[van takes off, leaving a pool of brake fluid behind. Claude follows.
Cut to LaRose on motorcycle, heading for the party, wearing his hockey
mask.]
[cut to Smith's car]
Claude
It's nice to get away from the brewery, you know. Take a little
drive, you know.
[cut to van]
Bob
Did you ever notice that, like, in movies when they're driving they
don't look at the road for a long time?
Doug [turning to Bob]
Geez, no, I never noticed that, eh?
Bob
Yeah, it's because they're being towed by a rig.
[Doug nearly front ends a truck...cops start following them]
[cut to Smith's car]
Smith
We have them now!
Claude
Just like I told you...
[cut to van, which has started to careen down the BIG hill]
Bob
What's going on? Will you stop this thing? Come on!
Doug
The brakes aren't working!
Bob
Try the parking brake!
Doug
Take off! The parking brake NEVER works! [takes hands off wheel] No
point in steering now...
Bob
Take off! You steer this thing!
[van enters pier area, the back doors fling open and the keg containing
Henry tumbles out and is struck by the pursuing cop car. The van goes
up a ramp of crates and jumps out into the bay. As it hits the water,
the other keg falls out, and as the van sinks, Pamela emerges and
struggles to the surface. LaRose gets off his bike and dives into the
bay to save Pam. He saves Pam, but he sinks to the bottom, coming to
rest on the van's roof... The police remove the lid from Henry's keg.]
Henry
HELP!
Policeman
You'd better call an ambulance...
[The police help Pam from the bay. The inspector arrives.]
Policeman
They're down at the end of the wharf, sir.
Inspector
All right, you'd better follow us there.
Policeman
Ok, you guys follow him.
[Smith's car arrives. The inspector meets Pamela.]
Inspector
Ok back off, let's have a look here. [to Pam] You all right?
[Smith shoots Pam with tranquilizer gun. Pam faints.]
Inspector
Ok, she's fainted--call an ambulance.
Policeman 2
It's on it's way, sir!
[Smith's car takes off. The policemen look out into the water.]
Inspector
They've been down there ten minutes?
Policeman 3
Yes, sir.
Inspector
No one can survive that long. Not Houdini, not nobody.
[Camera backs out from the pier...]
******************** INTERMISSION ********************
[Back at the pier...Henry is being loaded into an ambulance. Cut to
police divers approaching van...they find Bob, Doug, and LaRose
drinking beer in the front seat. Diver shows badge to Doug who
produces his driver's license. Cut to newspaper headlines...first a
women's underwear sale, then hand flips newspaper over to reveal real
headline -- BEER HEIRESS SNATCHED! A picture of Bob and Doug
accompanies the article. Cut to police station, where Bob and Doug are
getting finger-printed...]
Bob
Hey hoser!
Doug
What? [Bob smears ink all over Doug's face...they fight.]
Policeman 4
Allright, break it up!
[Cut to mug shots...both have ink all over them. FYI
Bob's number is 789709 and Doug's is 789708]
Doug
Those big cons are going to love you, eh?
Bob
What do you mean?
Doug
You're a cute little guy...they're going to be loving you from dawn to
dusk.
Policeman 4
Turn!
Bob
Where you going to be?
Doug
I'll be in the cafeteria selling smokes!
[cut to lineup]
Policeman 4
All right, single file, down here, snap it up! Come on, move it!
Hands out of your pockets! Back against the wall! Look straight
ahead! Feet together! Straighten up! Ok, that's it.
Doug
Ok, eh?
Bob
Gee, they're going to kill us...
Inspector [to Pam]
Try to pick out the men who kidnapped you.
Doug [pointing to Pam]
That's her!
Bob [to Pam]
Hey, how're you doing...
Policeman 4
Get back there!
Bob
No, that's her! She was...
Policeman 4
Get back, quiet!
Doug
He can't get any further back, or you'd...
Policeman 4
Shut up! [Doug makes a GREAT face...]
[Bob and Doug get thrown into a cell with a bunch of BIG thugs. Cut to
inspector questioning Claude. Pam is watching Tom and Jerry.]
Inspector
What did the doctor say?
Claude
Catatonic schizophrenia.
Inspector
What?
Claude
Schizophrenia, marked by an excessive and sometimes violent motor
activity, or by generalized inhibition.
Inspector
Sounds like you just picked that out of the dictionary!
Claude
No, no, no. That's exactly what the doctor said. I have a
photographic memory, you know.
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"Strange Brew" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/strange_brew_745>.
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