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Strange Brew Page #8
- PG
- Year:
- 1983
- 90 min
- 619 Views
Jack
Would you kindly explain to the court what that means?
Smith
Well, that is, schizophrenia, marked by excessive and sometimes
violent motor activity, or by generalized inhibition. [Claude avoids
the Inspector's glance.]
[cut to Bob and Doug on the witness stand]
Bob and Doug
I do!
Bob [to Doug]
I guess we're married now, clerk. Where's the honeymoon? [He takes the
microphone..] Hoda, hoda. Get me a toasted back-bacon and hold the
toast...
Doug
Don't make me laugh, eh?
Judge
I must instruct you not to speak unless you are spoken to!
Bob
Geez, he's starting to sound like the old man...pretty soon he'll be
sending me out for beers.
[Doug laughs too hard and the bullets fire, ruining the courtroom.
Everybody ducks and screams.]
Judge
All right! Order! Until the victim is mentally fit for trial, I want
these...two...LUNATICS...confined under the psychiatric care of Dr.
Smith at the Royal Canadian Institute for the Mentally Insane. This
hearing is adjourned! [bangs gavel.]
-----------------------------------------------------------------
[SCENE FIFTEEN -- The loony bin, Bob and Doug in padded cell in strait-
jackets. Bob rolls toward Doug.]
Doug
Take off! Don't go over that line! This is MY side of the room. You
stay on your side!
Bob
What line? I don't see any line! If you put your mouth over...
Doug
Take off or I'm going to do the steamroller on you!
Bob
Take off! No way! [Doug rolls over Bob.]
Bob
Arrggghh!
Doug
Steamroller!
Bob
I'm steamrolling YOU! [He rolls after Doug, but Doug rolls on him
again.]
Doug
Steamroller!
[Ted enters the room.]
Ted
Hello, fellows. My name is Ted and I'm happy to be working with you.
[cut to two orderlies wheeling Pam to another room]
Orderly 1
Should I reconnect this? [pointing to IV]
Orderly 2
Forget it. Doctor Smith is doing the lobotomy in the morning.
[cut to hospital -- LaRose's room. Claude, in Doctors coat, fills a
syringe with poison and prepares to inject LaRose. Man in bed next to
him enters cardiac arrest and calls for nurse. A nurse enters the
room.]
Nurse
Oh, doctor! Thank heaven you're here! [she prepares man having heart
attack for injection, seeing Claude has a syringe in hand. Claude
injects the man, who promptly dies.] We lost him! What did you give
him?
Claude
Uh, this is just the thing...a hypodermic needle. Excuse me. [he leaves
room.]
Nurse
Stop that man! Stop him!
[LaRose gets up and leaves hospital un-noticed. Cut to entrance gate.]
Attendant
$6.50 please. [Claude hands him a stethoscope and head light.]
Claude
Here, this ought to be worth $6.50.
Attendant
No I don't want this! I want $6.50! I've got your license plate
number! You rich bum! [He sees LaRose stealing car.] Hey, you!
$6.50! Let me see your ticket! [LaRose grabs attendant and holds up
both fists.]
LaRose
All I've got are two fives!
[cut to hospital room]
Inspector
Who was in this bed?
Nurse
John LaRose.
Inspector
John LaRose the hockey player?
Nurse
I don't know...yes...I guess so.
Nurse 2
Is this the available bed? [wheels in Henry Green.]
Nurse
No, he's, I don't know where he is. This is the one... he's dead.
Nurse 2
Well, get him out of that bed...
Nurse
That's NOT my job, I'm sorry!
Nurse 2
What do you mean that's not your job? You want him to mummify?
[Nurses argue while Henry Green leaves hospital.]
[cut to loony bin, Ted questioning Bob and Doug.]
Ted
What have you done with the disk?
Doug
What are looking at me for? I haven't got it. [lie detector sits
still--Ted taps it.]
Bob
Maybe it's out of gas? [Doug farts loudly.] Oh, you farted!
Doug
No, I didn't. It was the chair, eh?
Bob
He's lying! Check the machine!
Doug
I'm not lying!
Ted [checking machine]
He's lying all right!
Bob [fanning air]
I don't need a machine to tell me that!
Doug
I didn't do it, I swear!
Bob
Aw, geez...don't slice the cheese in here, will you?
Doug
Take off!
[Ted makes faces and takes Bob and Doug to electro-shock therapy.]
Doug
Don't be a bully, eh? [points to loonies at end of hall] There's the
guys that horked our clothes! [waves to them.]
Bob
Hey! How come you're not playing hockey, eh?
Doug
[as Ted shoves him into room] Hey, I know my rights!
Bob
[looking into other room] Hey, who's in this room? [sees Pam] It's
Pam! Pam is in there! [Ted grabs him] Ow!
Ted
Now don't touch anything, I'll be right back. [he locks the door.]
[cut to outside -- LaRose arrives and tries to gain entrance.]
[cut to Bob and Doug's house. Police try to enter. The missing disk
drops from the roof at the policemen's feet.]
Inspector
What was that?
[Hosehead rolls up the roof.]
Policeman 5
Let's get out of here. [The inspector retrieves the disk.]
[cut back to electro-shock room. Bob is giving Doug shocks.]
Bob
How was that, eh?
Doug
Beauty! Take it up to thirty this time!
Bob
No way, eh? It's my turn! I want...[phone rings--Bob answers it]
Doug
Ok, I'll just disconnect these...
Bob
Hello? No, he's not here. He, uh, went to get a pizza. Who's this?
[guy hangs up] Geez. He hung up, eh? [Bob jumps on bed.]
Doug
Put this in your mouth so you don't bite your tongue, ok? Let's try the
head this time!
Bob
Ok!
Doug
Beauty! If you'd stick to your twelve-point maintenance plan we
wouldn't have to jump start you like this, but oh no, you had to do it
your way! You think you know everything. Here we go, I think we're
going to take it up to 90 this time! [Ted arrives.]
Ted
Hey! Get away from there! Don't touch those things! No, no, no, no,
no! You're always touching things!
Doug
Take off, eh?
Bob
He's party-pooping, eh? Hey! Some guy called while you were out, eh?
Ted
The phone? For me?
Bob
Yeah. [to Doug] Do it now, eh?
Doug
No! No way...he'll get me!
Bob
Aw, come on! What about my turn!?
Doug
Let's do this instead!
Bob
Hey! [LaRose enters room.]
Bob
How's it going, eh?
LaRose
Shhh!
Bob
LaRose
Shhhhhh! [LaRose knocks Ted out.]
Doug
He doesn't like him very much!
LaRose
Pam! Where's Pam? I've got to find Pam!
Bob
Geez, I saw her down the hall but she was dozing off, eh?
LaRose
Come on!
Doug
Come on!
Bob
Aw, geez! We've got to come back for my turn, eh?
Attendant
[to cop] One guy drove away with the car from here, and he gave me
this, maybe he's a doctor! And one guy stole the car from over
there...my coat, too!
Policeman 6
Ok, let's take a look, sir.
Attendant
He was not wearing any clothes, he was wearing pajamas...he stole my
coat, and hit me! [Henry Green steals the cop car.] Hey! $6.50!
[cut back to Pam's room]
Pam [to LaRose]
But I saw you drown!
LaRose
They saved my life!
Pam [to LaRose]
You saved my life. [Orderly 2 enters.]
Orderly 2
Hey! What are you doing in here?
Doug
Oh, uh, we're from the Department of Justice and we're, uh, adjusting
the beds. This is Mr. Roy, our consultant. [LaRose elbows orderly.]
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