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Stranger Than Fiction Page #6
that woman gonna feel my pain. "
This one said something
along the lines of:
"Why, yes, these pants are Lycra."
These said, "I'm very sensitive,
very caring...
... and I have absolutely no idea
how to play the guitar. "
"I'm compensating for something.
Guess what. "
And then Harold saw it.
A damaged and terribly mistreated
sea-foam-green Fender...
... staring back at him.
Despite its obvious maladies...
... the guitar spoke
with conviction and swagger.
In fact, it looked Harold directly
in the eye and very plainly stated:
"I rock."
Just breathe. Watch it!
We've got a 21 -year-old male
with a gunshot wound to the chest.
There you go.
Shot in a gang fight?
Harold's not in a gang.
Man in tweed?
There's nothing wrong with him,
he just likes looking at sick people.
Oddly spoken with disdain.
This isn't working.
Well-- I don't even know
why we're here.
I don't think we're supposed
to be here.
- You said I needed visual stimuli.
- I meant a museum.
I don't need a goddamn museum.
I need the infirm.
You are the infirm.
You're right. The problem is
these people aren't dead...
...they're just severely injured.
Excuse me,
where are the dying people?
Most of these people
are sick or injured--
Which is great, don't get me wrong.
- But they're gonna get better,
which doesn't really help me.
Is there any way to see the people
who aren't going to get better?
Excuse me?
I'd like to see, if at all possible,
the ones who aren't gonna make it.
You know, the dead-for-sure ones.
I'm sorry,
are you suffering from anything?
Just writer's block.
... Harold Crick became stronger
in who he was...
... what he wanted,
and why he was alive.
Harold no longer ate alone.
He no longer counted brushstrokes.
- Harold, I'll see you.
- He no longer wore neckties.
Bye, Dave.
And, therefore, no longer worried
about the time it took to put them on.
He no longer counted his steps
to the bus stop.
Instead, Harold did that
which had terrified him before.
Monday through Friday...
... for so many years.
That which the unrelenting lyrics...
... of numerous punk-rock songs
told him to do:
But despite resuscitating his life...
... reviving his hope, and instilling
a few wicked calluses...
... Harold's journey
was still incomplete.
And Harold's wristwatch wasn't about
to let him miss another opportunity.
Ms. Pascal?
- Ms. Pascal?
- Mr. Crick.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm glad I caught you.
Oh, yeah? Why?
Because I wanted
- Really?
- Yeah.
So you can't accept gifts,
but you can give them?
- Listen--
- I don't know.
That seems a little inconsistent,
doesn't it, Mr. Crick?
Very inconsistent, yes.
I'll tell you what.
I'll purchase them.
- No.
- No, no, no, really...
...l'd like to purchase them.
What are they?
Flours.
- What?
- I brought you flours.
And you carried them
all the way here?
Ms. Pascal, I've been odd
and I know that I've been odd.
And I want you.
- What?
- There's so many reasons.
There's so many influences in my life
that are telling me...
...at times quite literally...
...that I should come here
and bring you these...
...but I'm doing this
because I want you.
You want me?
In no uncertain terms.
Isn't there some very clear
and established...
...rule about fraternization?
- Auditor-auditee protocol?
- Yeah.
Yeah, but I don't care.
- Why?
- Because I want you.
Well...
...do you mind carrying those
a little bit further?
Okay.
Okay.
Did you make a key?
No, I just committed it to memory.
- The blue, that's barley flour.
- What's that one?
- The orange?
- Yeah.
I forget.
Right here.
Do you wanna come up?
- To your place?
- Yeah.
I guess I could.
Wasn't that the idea with the flours
and everything?
Honestly, I only figured it out
up to "I want you."
Listen, Mr. Crick...
...I think I like you.
And before I do anything rash,
I'd like to make sure.
I'd like you to come up.
I'd be honored.
Great.
Yeah, he was nuts though.
He got caught when he tried
to get the contract notarized.
No. No.
Was it good?
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Can I help you?
No, no, I'm gonna put them in the sink.
Go sit down on the couch.
So do you play the guitar?
- What?
- Do you play the guitar?
Terribly. Someone traded me that
for a wedding cake.
Does that mean I have to claim it
on my taxes now?
- No. I'll leave it out of my final report.
- Oh, thanks.
Do you play?
Not really. I only know one song.
Oh, play it.
No, I don't know it that well, actually.
No, come on. I promise I'm not gonna
laugh at you. Play it.
No, no, no. Maybe some other time.
All right.
Ms. Pascal?
- I... .
- I know.
I want you too.
Harold's life was filled with moments
both significant and mundane.
But to Harold, those moments
remained entirely indistinguishable...
... except for this.
As Ana let out a soft sigh and
repositioned herself against him...
... Harold knew
somewhere in his heart...
... that this was one
of the significant moments.
He knew she was
falling in love with him.
Professor Hilbert. It's a comedy.
- What?
- A comedy.
The woman. The one who hates me.
Ana Pascal?
- Last night... .
- Yeah?
She's falling in love with me.
- She is?
- It's like a miracle.
in the middle of the night.
Well, that's wonderful, Harold.
I mean, it completely nullifies my list,
but that's fantastic.
What list?
These are seven living authors
whose prior work...
...would seem to make them
candidates to write your story...
...based on the criteria you and I
previously determined.
If your narrator is alive,
she's on this list.
But it appears the list
is of little use to you now.
Now that you're gonna live
happily ever after.
Oh, goodie. This woman, Karen Eiffel,
she's one of my favorite authors.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Beautiful tragedies. Just beautiful.
Anyway...
...let me quickly copy this list for you,
just in case.
Sociopathic author.
- Of course.
Listen, please, you must tell me if you
hear the voice of the narrator again...
...just for my own edification.
I will.
Well, it's called Death and Taxes.
Wow. You know, I'm from Texas.
No. Not "Texas." Taxes.
Death and Taxes.
Death and Taxes.
Taxes.
Like the Benjamin Franklin quote.
Precisely so.
This lady's a package,
I'm telling you.
Tell us, what is this next book
going to be about?
It's about interconnectivity.
The looming certainty of death.
Men's fashion accessories.
- Oh, my God, that's her.
- What?
- That's the voice. She's the narrator.
- No, that can't be right.
No, I'm positive.
Harold, this interview's a decade old.
I didn't think anyone actually
wore cuff links anymore.
That's her.
- She's British?
- She's her.
- Karen Eiffel?
- Professor Hilbert, I know that voice.
Crap.
- What's wrong?
- First of all, she wasn't on my list.
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"Stranger Than Fiction" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/stranger_than_fiction_18965>.
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