Strictly Sexual Page #2

Okay, what about the bill?

- I think we should hire them.

- Shut up!

You flirted, you got

your twisted affirmation.

I think we should get out of here.

Look, I'm inviting Stanny

back to the house.

If you don't wanna sleep with Joe,

you don't have to.

I got it. I'll make it look like

I left my wallet back at the motel.

These girls come here all the time.

They can cover us.

No, that ain't right, man.

Why don't we just stick the hotel

with the bill and split?

These girls shouldn't...

I... I think I left my wallet

back at my motel.

Sure you did.

Why don't I just get this round?

So, how do you boys wanna do this?

Should we get a room upstairs or?

Why don't we just go back

to my house...

and we can fool around up there?

Okay.

Let me show you my room.

Wow!

- Is this your parents' house?

- No.

No, it's Donna's house.

I just live here.

Wow, you must come home

everyday and do this, huh?

- No.

- If I lived here, I would.

- You like it rough, don't you?

- Yeah!

Boy, did you pick the right guy!

Punish me, I'm bad!

Look, this was all

my friend's idea. I...

I don't think I can do this.

You must have a fancy bar

or something around here, right?

Oh, perfect.

Perfect.

You don't wanna have sex?

That's fine.

Your friend, Donna...

she needs to get laid.

You, Christi Ann...

you need to get drunk.

- What, you wanna get me drunk?

- No, I wanna get me drunk.

But I can tell you're one of those,

you know, uptight people...

that I love to help out by getting

them good and hammered.

So, here's the deal:

for every two drinks that I have...

you gotta have one, until you're

either puking or laughing.

- Yeah! Yeah!

- You like that, don't you, nasty?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- You're so bad.

- You're the man! You're the man!

I was 15 years old...

I'd been jerking off two years

straight, dreaming of this moment.

And the second

she goes to kiss it...

my dick just starts like,

flapping all over the place!

And she looks up at me,

all freaked out.

At the same time, whack!

My dick hits her right in the jaw.

You're gonna make me come!

Oh, my God!

- Do you want some water?

- Sure.

- Do you like that?

- Oh yeah.

I go to the gynecologist like a week

later, 'cause I felt uncomfortable.

I know the doctor's gonna know

it's cause I lost my virginity...

but I don't care, because

I was starting...

to get paranoid something's wrong.

The doctor finds the condom.

My a**hole boyfriend was so

embarrassed to tell me...

that he finished right away...

so he's moving around 'til

it got soft and it just came off.

And the thing was stuck up in me

for like a week!

What was he thinking?

You're okay? God, that felt so...

Oh, my God! So f***ing great!

You want a cigarette?

- Do you want some water?

- Sure.

That... That was...

That was thrilling.

I can't believe it.

That was...

Did you like that?

You okay?

Want a cigarette?

Here, here's a cigarette.

So, should we?

- I don't know.

- Yeah, you do.

You know, I've never ever...

ever had a one-night stand.

You're the first girl

who's told me that...

who I believe it's true.

- Alright.

- Alright.

I'm sorry.

Everything tickles.

I'm sorry.

I don't think I can do this.

Okay.

- Can I ask you something?

- Sure.

How often... do you think men cry?

What the f*** kind

of f***ed up question is that?

Well, I'm writing this character...

and I was just trying to figure out

how real he was.

So I'm asking you how often.

F***, I don't know

the national average or nothing.

And how often

do you think you cry?

Never, really. I mean...

life sucks sometimes, but you know,

I get pissed off and sh*t.

Crying never solved nothing.

- You guys ever get caught?

- For what?

You know, loitering at the bar?

Damn, was it that obvious?

It's not like we always do that.

You know, it's just something fun

to do when the funds are low.

So the he yells out,

"So yeah, I'll call you tomorrow!"

Seriously, I swear to God I burst out

laughing.

I don't care that it was rude.

God!

My God!

Are they doing it again?

My record is five times.

- One night, five times.

- Wow! Really?

I usually do it once. Well, I mean,

sometimes, you know, I've done it...

I've had guys who wanted

to do it more.

And that one that was finished

after the first time...

but I had another guy who...

who would sometimes wanna go

again and sometimes I would.

You like... have a thing

with sex, huh?

Well, if Donna's gonna do it, I mean

I should... Maybe I'll do it too.

- Don't do it on account of her.

- No.

- No, no. I want to.

- Alright.

I mean, we probably

shouldn't do it here.

- Okay, you gotta relax.

- Oh no, I'm relaxed.

You like that?

That doesn't feel good?

Okay.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

You know any jokes?

No.

A guy walks into a bar...

and the bartender says...

Sh*t, I forgot what he said.

He said something.

We heard you two having fun

last night.

Never mind that.

Check out the sunrise.

Isn't it beautiful?

Cool. I love dusk.

Does anybody need anything

to drink? Water, juice?

Just sit here and relax, baby.

Actually, you know, I...

I should probably try

and get some sleep.

I've got a lot of writing

to do tomorrow.

- I mean, today.

- Yeah, I guess it is getting kinda late.

So, I guess you boys deserve

to get paid.

How much do we owe you anyway?

Yeah, you know, I have to admit

I was opposed to the idea...

but I think, who knows,

maybe in like six months...

if we're still two lonely women,

we might call you again.

Yeah. Leave us your cards,

your pager numbers or whatever.

Can you take a check?

Cause I don't think we have

that much laying around.

- A check?

- It's good.

Look, we can go to an ATM.

How much do we owe you, anyway?

I mean, I have money.

Hold on.

Wait a minute. Do you think

that we're prostitutes?

What, making fun of the girls

who've never done this before?

So, what's the damage?

I have 1,000 dollars.

You gotta tip 'em,

mine was really good.

Wait. You're serious?

Why is everything getting

all strange all of a sudden?

I asked you if you'd ever

been arrested...

Yeah, for drinking dash.

We're not gigolos!

We thought you girls just

wanna hang out and stuff!

- You're serious?

- Yeah, I'm f***ing serious!

We're hanging out at the bar,

you roll up on us...

you say you wanna f*** us, what

the hell are we supposed to think?

We never said you had

to pay us to f*** you!

Wait a second. What about that

Joe, they think

we're male prostitutes.

They're kicking us out of here,

they never wanna see us again.

Man! I thought you thought

I was funny and stuff!

So, you two are really two

construction workers from Queens?

Yeah!

I knew this was gonna happen!

I can't believe you made me do this!

I am so mortified!

I didn't make you, how was

I supposed to know they were...

- Gross! God!

- F*** you, ew!

You sure seemed to like

when I had your legs in the air!

Goddamned freaks!

Wanna get spanked and sh*t?

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