Strictly Sexual Page #3

We are not freaks! You're the one

who wanted to spank me!

Yeah, but I didn't know

I was getting hired to do it!

Come on, Joe,

let's get the f*** out of here.

- I don't believe it. I've been used!

- Must be some rich girl thing.

California girls!

Where are we?

You think they'll still

give us the money?

Oh, they'd better!

I'm never drinking again. I can't

believe you made me do this.

Stop blaming me! Hell, you were

with the really stupid one.

Why couldn't you tell

he was just some moron?

Why couldn't you tell?! God!

And Jesus, they were both morons.

Your guy was drooling all over you.

It was pathetic!

- I forgot something.

- Yeah?

Never mind.

Stanny, wake up.

We gotta go find a place

to live. And a job!

- Can you believe those b*tches?

- Just forget about it, bro.

Let's just go find a place to stay.

We have enough for

a deposit now, right?

What are you talking about? We have

We made 1,000 dollars last night.

What, they wouldn't give it to you?

- No.

- No, they wouldn't give it to you?

- Stanny, you didn't ask them, did you?

- No, I didn't f***ing ask them.

F*** them, friggin' rich chicks!

I don't need their money.

I'm a working man.

I worked my whole f***in' life.

Can you believe that one girl

told me she was a writer?

Yeah, if I had rich parents, I'd tell

people I was the King of Egypt.

We really could've used

that thousand bucks, Stanny.

Well, you wanna hike back up there

and get the money, go ahead.

I need cigarettes.

Christi Ann, I'm sorry.

The whole thing was my idea...

and I shouldn't have forced you to do

something that you didn't wanna do.

It's okay. Maybe we'll look back

at it and laugh.

Look, I'm really sorry

'cause I know you.

And you wouldn't have done

anything with that guy.

You probably only did it 'cause

you didn't want me to do it alone.

Well, that's true. But...

I don't know,

my guy was kinda cute.

- Was he?

- He wasn't very smart...

but he was really sweet.

- How was he in bed?

- He was fine.

Just fine? Mine was nuts.

- What, like crazy nuts?

- No, nuts like amazing nuts!

- Wow. Really?

- It only stands to reason.

Good in bed,

f***ing a**hole in the morning.

You need to take that up

with your therapist.

Next time I come up with

a stupid idea...

just tell me I'm being stupid, okay?

- Deal.

- Friends?

Okay.

Joe.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Your name is Joe, right?

- Yeah, Joe Santarella.

Nice to meet you.

Thank you for telling me

your last name...

'cause I have a short mental list

of the men I've had sex with...

and I would've hated

just to have Joe.

I was hoping that...

I could get that money from you.

Stanny and I, we're...

gonna get booted out

of this motel and...

since you guys were gonna give us

a thousand bucks anyway...

We could really use it.

Yeah, sure.

Can you hold on a second?

What's up?

It's Joe.

They want the money.

- Is Stanny there too?

- No, just Joe.

He's probably gonna

sleep for two days.

I mean, I f***ed him so hard

he was incoherent.

You know, when you

f*** a guy into a coma?

No, obviously I don't

because he's fully conscious.

Why do you ask me questions

you already know the answers to?

Why should we even pay them?

I mean, every other guy...

in America went home drunk

and lonely last night.

They're getting booted

from their motel, plus...

I don't think they have a car.

I think he walked here.

F*** it.

Go ahead, pay him.

Although I gotta admit, best 500

bucks I have spent in a long time.

Thanks. This is really gonna help.

I appreciate it.

Nice meeting you, then.

Bye.

I was a really lousy lay,

wasn't I?

No.

Look, usually when people first

have sex, they're a little inhibited.

No, that was me at my best.

But thanks for being honest.

- What's the matter?

- I'm...

I don't know, you know

how I'm a shitty dancer?

How every other girl in the world

can dance, but I have no rhythm.

- You dance fine.

- Fine!

- Great. Story of my sex life: fine.

- Wait a minute.

Are we talking about your sex life

or about you being a shitty dancer?

I'm a shitty lover, I'm a shitty

kisser, I'm a shitty blowj*b giver...

- And never mind...

- I thought you didn't give blowj*bs.

I don't. I can't. I don't know,

I missed that class in college.

Man, that's the only thing

I do remember about college.

How come I never f***ed a guy...

until he was laying there

like a zombie?

I wanna turn a guy into a zombie.

Look, I just think this is

too extreme an idea!

You said you wanted to get laid!

We'll have them come in at night,

or every couple days...

you know, we'll hardly notice

they're there.

I just don't like people knowing

my private business.

- I didn't live with my boyfriends...

- They're not living with us.

They're crashing in the pool house,

like our neighbors.

But we have to share

the yard with them.

Please! When have you ever

gone in the back yard?

We go in that pool

maybe once a month.

When did you become

the nympho all of a sudden?

Well, not all of us got

to sport f*** through school!

Excuse me, it was college,

and everybody else was f***ing!

You were just too uptight,

so don't talk sh*t about me.

Besides, you're supposed to have

cabana boy when you're 45, not 25.

I'm sorry I called you

a sport f***er.

You really think this will

help you get some experience...

or confidence boosting

with some boy toy?

I guess so. Yes, exactly.

We don't have to pay the rent.

We'll have somewhere to stay

until we get on our feet.

I don't know. There's some weird

catch to this you ain't telling me.

Stanny, we're about a week away

from getting booted outta this motel.

We don't have jobs. This is about the

best thing that ever happened to us.

- Are we allowed to go in the pool?

- I guess so.

- How often I gotta f*** her?

- Come on, man.

I know you like f***ing her

even if you don't like her.

Yeah, she's nasty.

Still, how come...

how come I get the bitchy one

and you get the nice one?

Mine's a terrible lay.

She can't even kiss.

It's like...

making out with a baloney

sandwich or something.

- Really?

- Yeah, she's like...

- It's terrible.

- Okay.

I can't believe this.

I have gotta go write.

I can't spend all day doing this.

Yeah, but you said yourself you can't

write when you're not getting laid.

This is gonna cure any

writer's block you've ever had.

Okay, you understand:

we don't want boyfriends.

We don't want boyfriends,

we don't want relationships.

We want two guys to service us,

this is strictly sexual.

You're on call 24 hours. We get laid

when we want, how we want.

You work for us. We'll give you

a place to stay in the pool house...

and you're not allowed in the house

unless you're working.

You know, and during the day

you can look for legitimate jobs...

and try to save money

until you get on your feet.

Okay, alright. But we got

a few small requirements.

We want TV with a satellite

in the pool house.

I have a TV. And I'm sure you know

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