Stripes Page #2

You comin' in?

Hey, this is a loading zone.

You can't park here.

We're not parking it.

We're abandoning it.

I can't believe we're doing this.

Listen, if I get killed,

my blood is on your hands.

- Just don't get it on my shoes, okay?

- Hello.

I'm not saying that the army will be

able to do for you what it did for me.

All I'm saying is you get out of it

exactly what you put into it.

Now, sometimes the army's

your best shot.

There's some questions I have to ask.

They're a little personal.

Have you ever been convicted

of a felony or a misdemeanor?

That's robbery, rape, car theft,

that sort of thing?

- Convicted?

- Yeah.

- No.

- Never convicted.

That's good.

Are either of you homosexuals?

You mean like flaming or--

Well, it's a standard question

we have to ask.

We're not homosexual,

but we are willing to learn.

Would they send us

someplace special?

I guess that's no on both.

All right, now if you'll just give

Uncle Sam your autograph here.

"Sammy, get well soon."

That's good. Now your name.

Can I talk to you

for a minute?

I was wondering if you, uh--

Are you, uh, you know, holding?

No, man, I'm not.

Well, I was wondering if you could

hold something for me.

Are you smuggling furs

or something?

Drugs.

Excuse me. General Hansen?

No, I'm not a general,

but may I help you?

Yes. I want to thank you

for saving my life over in Vietnam.

- I don't think that was me.

- You're right. It was Normandy Beach.

I was shot up pretty bad.

You grabbed me, pulled me into a foxhole

and patched me up. I appreciate it.

I don't think so and don't care

and don't have the time.

- See this arm band? MP.

- Yes, ma'am.

Stands for military police.

Are you on one of these buses?

Not yet, ma'am.

My job is to see that

big, strong men like you...

get on these buses

without getting lost.

So why don't you just move along

and get on the bus.

Could you check him off?

You know, there's a strip search

before you get on the bus.

- Really?

- Yeah. Be careful, man.

So, I guess we dig each other...

and we'll be seeing each other

around the officers' club?

Watch out for this guy.

He's a troublemaker.

- Do you have your papers?

- Yes. Here.

What happens if I refuse

to get on the bus?

You look like

a sensitive, intelligent guy.

Don't make me shoot you.

Climb aboard, soldier.

- What do you think?

- I hope we don't go to war.

Excuse me, stewardess.

Is there a movie on this flight?

Bus.

Inside. Off the bus.

Off the bus.

Right on inside.

Move it out.

Sergeant Hulka.

Yes, sir?

At ease, Sergeant.

I'm Captain Stillman,

the new company commander.

Pleased to meet you, sir.

Fine-looking group of men,

wouldn't you say so?

I hope this is the mess hall.

How's it going, Eisenhower?

Yes, sir, a fine-looking

bunch ot men.

Yes, well. Get 'em inside.

Carry on, I guess.

I'll be in my office

if you need me.

Yes, sir.

Have that removed, corporal.

Men, welcome to

the United States Army.

Men, welcome to

the United States Army.

I'm Sergeant Hulka.

I'm your drill sergeant.

Before we proceed any further...

we gotta get something straight.

Your mamas are not here

to take care of you now.

It's just you, me and Uncle Sam.

And before I leave you...

you're gonna find out that

me and Uncle Sam are one in the same.

Uncle Hulka?

When I tell you to move...

you'll move fast.

When I tell you to jump...

you're gonna say, "How high?"

And make no mistake.

I don't care where you come from,

what color you are...

how smart you are, how dumb you are

'cause I'm gonna teach all of you...

how to eat, sleep...

walk, taIk, shoot, sh*t

like a United States soldier.

- Understand?

- Yes, sir.

I didn't hear you.

Yes, sir.

You don't say sir to me.

I'm a sergeant. I work for a living.

- Yes, sergeant.

- I didn't hear you.

Now that's what I wanna hear.

You think this guy's

overdoing it a bit?

You got a problem, boy?

No problem, Sergeant.

On your feet, boy.

What's your problem, boy?

I was just making a joke, Sergeant.

Why don't you tell me your joke?

I don't think you'd think

it's funny, sir. Sergeant.

How do you know?

I got a hell of a sense of humor.

Ain't I, Corporal Briggs?

Yes, Sergeant!

We have a comedian in our midst.

Will you take

this comedian outside...

and watch him do 50 push-ups.

Get your goat-smelling ass

out of here!

Move it!

Hut, ho, hut!

Anybody else want to be

a comedian in here?

- No, Sergeant.

- I didn't hear you!

Hare Krishna

Shut up! Shut up, will you!

- I didn't mean it.

- How come yours is so long?

Fifteen and a half.

Thirty three.

Forty two.

- Thirty seven.

- Thirty seven?

Step down. Grab your papers.

These are thirty-fours

and they're loose.

I gotta live with thirty seven?

Sir, I'm very sorry

about what happened at the meeting.

I certainly meant no offense by it.

It won't happen again.

Keep it moving! Let's go!

Think he bought it?

Boxer or jockey?

You got something in a low-rise bikini?

Mesh, if possible?

So, where you from, Tex?

Don't you ever touch me again, ever.

This is pretty sweet.

Free clothing.

Look at this stuff. Chicks in New York

paying top dollar for this garbage.

How 'bout that lunch?

What was that brown stuff?

All right, men, fall in alongside

this roadway in a column of two.

Fall in!

Move it!

Hi.

You know something, soldier.

I've noticed you're always last.

I'm pacing myself, Sergeant.

Sorry.

Left, face!

Left, right, left, right.

You stand in place.

Forward, march!

Hey, we're walkin'.

There she was just a walkin'

down the street singin'

Doo wah ditty

ditty dum ditty doo

Popping her fingers

and shuffling her feet singin'

Doo wah ditty

ditty dum ditty doo

- She looked good

- She looked good

- She looked fine

- She looked fine

She looked good, she looked fine

and I nearly lost my mind

Before I knew it she was

walkin' next to me singin'

Holdin' my hand just as natural

as can be singin'

My name's Howard J. Turkstra.

I'm from Kansas City.

My hobbies are fast cars

and fast women.

'Cause that's why guys in my car club

call me "The Cruiser."

Should call him "The Dork."

Knock it off.

Go ahead.

I joined the army 'cause my father

and my brother were in the army.

I thought I better join

before I got drafted.

Son, there ain't no draft

no more.

There was one?

What a jerk!

Next.

The name's Francis Soyer.

But everybody calls me "Psycho."

Any of you guys call me Francis,

and I'll kill you.

You just made the list, buddy.

And I don't like nobody

touchin' my stuff!

So just keep your meat hooks off.

If I catch any of you guys

in my stuft, I'll kill you.

Also, I don't like

nobody touchin' me.

Now, any of you homos...

touch me, and I'll kill you.

Lighten up, Francis.

You're all in this together.

One of these men may save

your life one day, understand?

Then again, maybe one of us won't.

- You, go ahead.

- Me?

Yeah.

My name's Dewey Oxberger.

My friends call me "Ox."

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