Stripes Page #3

You might have noticed

I've got a slight weight problem.

- No!

- Yeah, I do.

Anyway, I went to this doctor.

He told me I swallowed

a lot of aggression...

along with a lot of pizzas.

I'm basically a shy person.

I'm a shy guy and...

he suggested taking one of these

aggression training courses.

You know, these aggression training

courses like EST, those type of things.

Anyway, it costs 400 bucks

to join this thing.

Well, I didn't have the money.

And I thought to myself,

"Join the army.

It's free."

So, I figured while I'm here

I'll lose a few pounds.

And you got, what, a six-to-eight week

training program here, a real tough one?

Which is perfect for me.

I'm gonna walk out of here

a lean, mean, fightin' machine.

- Good thinkin', Ox. Real good.

- It is.

Ziskey.

I've always been kind

of a pacifist.

When I was a kid my father told me,

"Never hit anyone in anger...

unless you're absolutely sure

you can get away with it."

I don't know what kind

of soldier I'm gonna make...

but I want you guys to know that

if we ever get into real heavy combat...

I'll be right behind you guys

every step of the way.

Okay, Mr. Push-Ups.

Let's hear your story.

Chicks dig me because

I rarely wear underwear...

and when I do it's usually

something unusual.

But now I know why I have always

lost women to guys like you.

It's not just the uniform.

It's the stories that you tell.

So much fun and imagination.

Lee Harvey...

you are a madman.

When you stole that cow...

and your friends tried

to make it with the cow.

I want to party with you, cowboy.

The two of us together,

forget it.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here.

I'm gonna volunteer my leadership

to this platoon.

An army without leaders

is like a foot...

without a big toe.

And Sergeant Hulka isn't always gonna

be there to be that big toe for us.

I think that we owe

a big round of applause...

to our newest, bestest buddy...

and big toe...

Sergeant Hulka.

Well, okay, hotshot.

We'll see what kind

of soldier you are.

Reveille is 0500.

We're gonna fall out

with locker boxes...

and we're gonna have

a locker box inspection.

And then we're gonna do ten miles,

rain or shine.

So you better hit them bunks,

my little babies...

or Hulka with the big toe's gonna see

how far he can stick it up your ass.

Out of them bunks!

We got a full day ahead of us.

We're gonna start out

with a five-mile run.

I know I'm speaking for

the entire platoon when I say...

this run should be postponed

until this platoon is better rested.

Well, I'll tell you what, soldier.

Let's make it ten miles.

Any more complaints?

Thanks a lot, Winger!

Nice going, a**hole.

You're making friends fast

around here.

Oh, my-- Oh, my God! Mama!

Captain Stillman.

Major Ellis would like you to look over

these interim reports, Captain, sir.

Interim reports!

That's all I ever do around here.

I want some action!

Hold that, corporal.

Oh, look at those men.

Are those my men, corporal?

No, sir. Those are

Captain Benton's men, sir.

Well, where are my men?

Let's see. Sergeant Hulka

is on the confidence course.

Sergeant Crocker

is on the mortar range.

Terrific. Corporal,

bring up the Jeep.

Yes, sir.

Grenade!

Go get 'em!

Those are damn fine men.

Are they in my company?

No, sir. Oh, here come

your men now, sir.

Hit it!

Hit it!

Stand up when

I'm stickin' you, boy!

Get down and gimme 50, mother!

Come on! I'll walk on your ass, boy!

I was killing--

Fitteen, sixteen, seventeen--

Twenty seven, twenty eight--

Fall out!

- Fall in!

- Hey, Sergeant, it's raining.

Sergeant, I think it's a bad idea

to march today.

You know, this is

the cold and flu season.

Fifty one, Fifty two--

- When's the good part, John?

- This is the good part.

Get your butt down, soldier.

You'll get it shot off someday. Move it!

Pick a service

Pick a challenge

Set yourself apart

Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines

What a great day

It's a great way to start

Oh, God, look at that.

Wash off the soap. That's right.

Wash it off.

Look at that. Bend over.

Drop the soap.

Look at her tits. Oh, good.

Oh, God, I wish I was a loofah.

Look at that! That's--

Those muscles.

Oh, I didn't know

they could do that.

Excuse me, Captain.

I don't want to be disturbed.

- Yes, sir?

- Colonel Glass to see you, sir.

I can see that, corporal.

Dismissed.

Oh, it's a pleasure to see you, sir.

Welcome to Fort Arnold.

- Let's skip the bullshit, Captain.

- Yes, sir.

I've got a problem,

and I need your help.

You've heard of the EM-50 project?

Yes, sir. It's a tank or something.

- It's an urban-assault vehicle.

- Of course.

The Pentagon wants to unveil it

for the news media next month in Italy.

What General Barnicke

wants from you...

is a real crack platoon of new recruits

to man the EM-50.

Real go-getters.

We'll have them photographed

puttin' the 50 through its paces.

Our newest soldiers with our

latest weapon-- that kind of thing.

Yes, sir.

You can count on me, sir.

You screw this up...

and I'll have you assigned to a

weather station above the Arctic Circle.

- You got that?

- Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Good.

Attention!

- I'm gonna fold.

- Uh-huh. Okay.

Well, I'm still in.

Cruise, how about you?

Maybe I should fold.

Well, let me see.

Let me see first.

No, not with a hand like that.

Come on.

Dare me. Go on, bluff me.

Come on.

How much should I bet?

If it were me,

I'd bet everything.

But that's me.

I'm an aggressive gambler. Mr. Vegas.

Come on. Go for it.

Yes, yes, there we go.

I'm in.

- What do you got?

- I got a full house.

Three threes and two sixes,

that's a full house. What have you got?

- I got a four, I got an ace.

- You got an eight, an ace and a seven.

Well, you lose. lf you would have had

four fours, you would have won.

- You're getting good.

- Starting to get the hang of it.

Isn't this fun? You're pretty good

for a first time, really.

Attention!

Fall in for muster.

Move it!

Ten-hut!

It's come to my attention...

that several members of

the Third Platoon Bravo Company...

left this military post

without permission.

I wanna know who it was.

You can tell me now...

or I got ways

of finding out myself.

Okay, mister...

you just got yourself 24 hours

of scrubbin' garbage cans.

Step back!

Now, since nobody else

has got the guts...

to admit it...

the rest of this platoon...

will do the next two weekends on KP.

How's that sound to you, mister?

I think it sucks.

It's time you and me

had a private talk.

Step into my office.

I'm gettin' the idea

that you don't like me.

Maybe I just don't know you

well enough, sarge.

What do you say let's cut out

the bullshit between you and me.

- Oh, let's.

- I think you're a punk.

I've been in this army 28 years.

I've seen your kind

come and go.

You think you know something

about everything, don't you?

Let me tell you something, mister.

You don't know a damn thing

about soldiering.

It's real tough stuff. Especially that

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