Stripes Page #4

marching-in-a-straight-line business.

I ain't talkin' about that crap!

I'm talkin' about somethin' important...

like discipline, duty and honor and

courage, and you ain't got none of it.

Those words mean so much to a man

who scrubs garbage cans.

Look, if you don't want me in your army,

kick me out, but get off my back.

Maybe you'd like to, uh,

take a swing at me.

I'd like to take

a big swing at you, sarge.

Well, go ahead and

give it your best shot.

I don't think I wanna go

to the stockade.

I'll take my hat off.

There we are.

Ain't no more drill sergeant.

It's just you and me, kid,

man-to-man.

So go ahead and give it

your best shot.

Swing at me.

Gutless.

Punk.

I'm willing to forget about

this little incident.

And I want you to think

reaI hard about it.

And maybe someday you'll understand

what the hell I'm talkin' about.

No, don't stop.

I'll still respect you.

I'll respect you even more.

Just use more whipped cream.

I just had the weirdest dream.

If I call Anita, she has to

pick me up at the train, right?

I go back into an apartment.

I see if I can get

my cab job back.

Where are you going?

You going AWOL?

- No, I'm deserting.

- You idiot!

You desert now,

it's a federal offense.

- Come on.

- I'll take my chances with the feds.

Get up. Come on.

You're not going anywhere.

Now listen to me.

You're gonna finish basic training...

keep your mouth shut

and do everything he tells you.

- You know why?

- Why?

Because you talked me into this,

that's why, you idiot! It was your idea!

I didn't talk you into this.

You needed this.

I'm gonna kill you! Damn you!

Where's the great pay?

Where's the travel?

Where's the Winnebago?

Goddamn it! Sh*t!

This isn't what you think.

No, we're just good friends.

In the Jeep.

Come on. Let's go.

I was going to the laundry,

get my uniform.

Save it for later.

Okay, guys, you're home.

Get out.

You're not gonna report this

or anything, are you?

I'm gonna treat it

like a UFO sighting.

I saw something,

but I'm not quite sure what it was.

Thank you.

Oh, good-bye.

Move it! Do it!

Go on, boy.

We got women can climb that thing better

than you. Get up! Get on your feet!

Hit it!

He said he couldn't make it.

Why don't you do it?

Take one step back.

Move it!

All right, soldier, let's see

how you fire that mortar.

- What coordinates, sir?

- Coordinates?

Yes, sir. They determine

where the mortar's--

Soldier, the army has spent a lot of

money teaching you how to fire that.

Now set it and fire it.

- We don't know where the shell's gonna--

- The only way to learn is to do it!

Now fire the weapon.

All right!

Any of you suckholes want to

come up here and knock me off?

Oh, sh*t.

Incoming!

Sergeant, does this mean

we're through for the day?

Save your strength, Sarge.

Get him off! Get him off!

No stragglers. Now come on.

No stragglers. Now come on.

We owe it to Sergeant Hulka to end up

face down in the gutter tonight.

Hey, baby, want to come

to my place?

Where were you two blocks ago

when we could've used you?

Come on. Don't waste it.

All right, we're here!

Come on.

It's the Pom Pom.

lt's world famous.

This might be fun.

Hi.

Oh, amazing.

I used to wrestle.

There's no tables.

- Here's a table. Excuse me.

- Sounds good.

You wrestled, huh? Nice seats.

Give me a kick, honey.

Oh, parted my hair.

Okay, girls, go get 'em!

We're gonna start the bidding.

I'm not gonna accept

anything less than $100.

The bidding has gotta start.

Now give me 100.

- You gotta do it for us, Ox.

- I can't.

- You said you used to wrestle.

- I used to lose a lot.

But these are girls.

They're weak and soft.

- It doesn't seem fair.

- Fair?

Who cares about fair?

The world isn't fair! Truth isn't fair!

Is it fair that you were

born like this? No!

They're not expecting someone in there

like you. They're expecting some clown.

You're different. You're weird.

You're a mutant. You're a killer!

You're a trained killer!

You're a lean, mean,

fightin' machine!

I'll do it!

- All right. Give me your money.

- 413 bucks!

My man. My big man here

is gonna do it all for us...

for 413 dollars...

- And 58 cents.

- and 58 cents!

I'll take that!

Ladies and gentlemen,

the big event you've been waiting for.

A three-round match,

five minute time limit, one pin only.

And during this match

there will be absolutely no biting.

Ow!

And no pulling on the nose.

Hey, do something about this, ref!

What kind of place you runnin' here?

And no kicking,

ladies and gentlemen.

Oh, my God! To your neutral corners

and we will begin the match!

Hey, wait a minute! Hey!

Hey, just a second here!

Oh! Oh, geez! Now you done it.

Beat the sh*t out of 'em, Ox!

- You hit me! I'm a girl!

- I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hit you!

That's my man out there!

My champ! Now stop it!

Behind you!

She's not even in the fight.

Cut that out.

You get in here. Come on.

I'm a gentleman. Now stop it.

Drink.

- Thanks.

- No problem.

- Thanks again.

- Okay, all right.

- You're very competitive.

- I don't wanna go back.

You gotta go back.

You're already dirty. Come on.

There you go.

They got him down and pinned!

Bravo Company!

Bravo Company!

Go, man!

Way to go, Ox! Kill 'em!

- Should we?

- Yeah. Let's go.

We'll take care of these two.

It's okay. Special assignment.

Yeah, we're with them.

Louise, it's so nice to see you.

What are you doin' here?

Well, explain yourselves.

Well, sir, we were--

we were going

to the bingo parlor...

at the YMCA.

Well, one thing led to another...

and the instructions

got all fouled up there.

- We ended up--

- Shut up.

Okay, sir.

You men are a disgrace.

Maybe a few days

in the stockade...

would help change

your rotten attitude.

But we're supposed to

graduate tomorrow, sir.

That's even better.

Tomorrow you'll be on parade

in front of General Barnicke.

And when he sees

what total f***-ups you really are...

I will personally recommend...

that your whole platoon...

repeat the entire course

of basic training.

Well, get out.

All right, now this is the second time

we've let you guys off.

Let's not let it happen a third time.

ls that clear?

- Very clear.

- Get back to your barracks, all right?

- Good night.

- Good night.

So, what are you guys gonna do?

We're just gonna check out

General Barnicke's house.

He's still in Washington.

He still owes me money.

Hey, Barney!

Gentlemen!

Mom! I'm home!

Now, don't worry

about a thing, okay?

Oh, this is nice, really.

Listen, if this is gonna get you

in trouble, we'll leave. All right?

No, it's okay. GeneraI Barnicke's

gonna be gone until tomorrow morning.

Good.

Thank you.

I feel like I'm 16 years old

in my parents' house...

and they're away on a trip.

Sixteen?

Wanna play spin the bottle?

This guy's doing pretty well.

Interested?

All right, you've looked at

the General's refrigerator long enough.

- Let's go. Come on.

- Let's look at the General's cupboards.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote