Stripes Page #5

You know, you're very pretty...

for a cop.

- Oh, thanks a lot.

- No. Thank you.

- You know what your problem is, baby?

- No, I don't.

Your problem is that you're

heavily armed, you know.

Guys have trouble with girls

that are armed.

They don't know how to come on.

- Do you know the rest of your problem?

- Tell me.

You've never had anybody give you

the Aunt Jemima treatment.

- No, I certainly haven't had that.

- First you get up on the grill.

- I'll get you up to cruising speed.

- Stop!

You're sticking on the bottom, dear.

Keep hopping.

There you go.

A little bit lumpy.

- I'm not enjoying this! Quit it!

- You're not, huh?

Maybe you need this.

- What are you gonna do with that?

- This. And this.

Who's your friend?

Who's your buddy?

I am, aren't I?

You're crazy about me.

You're incredibly

head-over-heels in love with me.

You're helplessly, hopelessly,

deeply in love with me, aren't you?

Yes.

I knew it.

I had that feeling.

Even before I picked this up.

It's about time you came around.

So what do we do now?

Let's go upstairs

and check out the general's closets.

It's nice to know you can

move like that when you have to.

Well, it's nice to know

you can make me so hot.

You say the nicest things.

Hold on, honey.

I got a speciaI tooI for you.

Come here.

I can't believe

we're playing this.

- Okay, down on your knees.

- Sounds good.

All right now, the way

that you play it is...

you pretend there's a force field

aII around your body...

and you try and get as close

to each other as possible...

without actually touching.

- Okay?

- It sounds easy.

It oughta be.

I think I'm good at this.

Maybe.

How do you win?

Well, if somebody breaks

your force field, then you win.

- You just broke my torce field.

- Yeah, you win.

Well, that was interesting.

It's all over with now. We might as well

not even show up to graduation.

You white guys'll probably

get five years.

- But we gonna get hung.

- Yeah, man.

Guys! Hey!

What's everybody so down about? Didn't

everybody make it with a beautifuI MP?

Oh, Stillman freaked out

when the MPs brought us back.

If we screw up graduation, we'll

have to take basics all over again.

Ah, Cruise, it's been a lot of fun

the first time, hasn't it?

I can't handle

basic training again, man.

You're number one

on the death list now, Winger.

Take it easy, Francis-- Psycho.

Will you guys just relax.

We got plenty of time? What time is it?

- 2:
00 a.m.

- Okay, 0200.

- What time do we get up?

- 5:
00 a.m.

Didn't you ever cram for a test before?

I learned two semesters

of geology in three hours.

We can do this.

We just have to practice.

We've been practicing all night,

and we stink.

- Yeah, well, the brains have arrived.

- Yeah, that's good news.

We go down to the motor pool.

We work on it all night.

We get it together.

- We can do this, right?

- There's no way in hell we can do it.

Right shoulder, arms!

Forward, arms!

Inspection, arms!

Right shoulder, arms!

Right face!

Your left...

Come on, rhythm.

Hut, two, three, four.

Black guys heIp the white guys, okay?

- What did he say?

- He said the black guys...

help the white guys.

Come on, guys!

Wait a minute!

Cut it out! Stop!

Hey, stupid,

look at yourself!

Cut it out!

What the hell's

the matter with you?

Stupid!

We're all very different people.

We're not Watusi.

We're not Spartans.

We're Americans

with a capital "A," huh?

You know what that means?

Do you? That means

that our forefathers...

were kicked out of every

decent country in the worId.

We are the wretched refuse.

We're the underdog.

We're mutts.

Here's proof.

His nose is cold.

But there's no animal

that's more faithfuI...

that's more loyal,

more loveable than the mutt.

Who saw Old Yeller?

Who cried when Old Yeller

got shot at the end?

Nobody cried

when Old Yeller got shot?

I'm sure.

I cried my eyes out.

Yeah.

So we're all dogfaces.

We're all very different.

But there is one thing

that we all have in common.

We were all stupid enough

to enlist in the army.

We're mutants.

There's something wrong with us,

something very wrong with us.

Something seriously wrong with us.

We're soldiers,

but we're American soIdiers.

We've been kickin' ass for 200 years!

We're ten and one!

And we don't have to worry...

about whether or not

we've practiced.

We don't have to worry...

about whether Captain Stillman

wants to have us hung.

All we have to do...

is to be the great American

fighting soldier...

that is inside each one of us.

Now, do what I do...

and say what I say...

and make me proud.

- Fall in!

- Yes!

Platoon...

attention!

Right shoulder, ho!

Order, ho!

Maybe they couldn't find

the parade grounds.

- It's right in front of the barracks.

- That's what I mean.

Eyes right!

We checked the barracks, sir.

They're not there.

If they're not here in five minutes,

I want them arrested.

Hey, graduation's at 2:00.

What time is it now?

an hour to sleep.

Oh, good.

We're missing graduation.

- We're missing it.

- Let's go.

Guys, wake up, man!

We're missing it.

Where is it?

All right, let's do

a little singing this morning.

Slept late

Feels great

Wine and women

All gone

Oh, my God!

Spare time

All gone

Party guy

Bye-bye

All night

Got tight

Felt good

Real nice

Real good

Oh-ho

Platoon...

a-one, two...

Where the hell

have you been, soldier?

Training, sir!

What kind of training, son?

Army training, sir!

Just like last night,

only better!

Men! Right shoulder, ho!

Order, ho!

Side step right!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken

cross the road

To get from the left

to the right

Het! Hut!

He stepped out of rank

got hit by a tank

He ain't no chicken no more

Left flank, left!

Queen Anne salute!

Three, five, seven!

Razzle-dazzle!

Hut, two, three, four!

The quick brown fox jumped

over the lazy dog, sir!

Where's your drill sergeant, men?

Blown up, sir!

Sir, these are Sergeant Hulka's men.

He was injured during basic training.

I see.

So am I to understand that you men

completed your training on your own?

That's the fact, Jack!

- Captain.

- Yes, sir?

These are exactly

the kind of go-getters...

I want working on my EM-50

project in ltaly.

Oh, but, sir, these men--

Don't "but" me, Captain.

I want them on the plane tonight.

Gentlemen, it's party time,

ltalian style!

Not bad! Hey!

Best bunk?

That's mine right there.

Okay, who's up for the Vatican?

Let's get some people

and some relics, and we'll do it.

What are you doing?

No, get off. You gotta make my bunk.

We're in ltaly. The guy on the top bunk

has gotta make the guy on the bottom--

He's gotta make his bed all the time.

It's in the regulations.

If we were in Germany,

I would have to make yours.

But we're in ltaly, so you've

gotta make mine. It's regulations.

Who makes the beds?

Buona sera, gentlemen.

It is alive.

Welcome to Italy.

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