Submission Page #3

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I understand if you, like, need

a break or something, but...

And it's not like reading a real

writer's work, anyway. I know that.

But if I... I-If you... I

understand if you don't want to.

No, it would be

my pleasure.

It just...

It means the world.

- Okay, bye.

- Bye.

[Angela's voice] "A little-known

fact about eggs," Mr. Reynaud said.

"During the equinox and solstice you

can actually balance one on its end."

I never tried to balance an egg

during the equinox or the solstice.

I don't believe in astrology.

But I knew that my life

was like that egg,

and the point it balanced on were the

few minutes I got to stay after class

and talk to Mr. Reynaud.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Oh, hi.

No, no, no. No problem.

- Hi. Hi.

- I had to go to Montpelier.

- They were holding this book for me.

- Oh.

- Dog Poems.

- Yes.

Oh, this is

one of my favorites.

One of my freshmen wrote a

poem about his dog dying.

I thought if I could show them something literary

about animals we'd have some place to start.

See what a good teacher

you are.

I mean, what you do

for your students.

They write reviews of us.

Look what we all do.

Can I get a white wine,

please? Thank you.

See, if it were my students, they would

be having sex with the dead dogs.

- Or at least writing about it.

- That's disgusting.

Yeah, but I can't say anything because I would

be repressing their creative self expression.

- So what do you say?

- [laughing]

I take the technical route.

- If you have a chicken in a suburban refrigerator...

- [laughing]

what's the texture like?

What's the temperature?

What does it feel like?

- Specificity? Specificity. Sure.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- You make it seem so lascivious.

That is a sexual harassment

lawsuit waiting to be filed.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Yeah, yeah.

[sighs] So how's

Angela Argo doing?

- Do we know what we'd like?

- Yes.

I'll have the usual.

Char-grilled steak sandwich, mashed

potatoes and a salad on the side.

- Yes.

- And I will have the very same thing.

- You got it.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

Why do you ask?

Cheers.

- Ask what?

- About Angela Argo.

I'm just curious

how her novel's going.

Oh. Well, I have to say

it's surprisingly good.

The stuff she wrote for me

was awful.

[laughs] Well...

And she wrote a... a...

a collection of poetry

for me that...

I may be a bit prudish, but I

found it terribly obscene.

Obscene?

Yikes.

Like how?

Dramatic monologues

and dialogues

about a phone sex worker,

Angela 911.

Really?

So Euston is now admitting

former phone sex workers?

I don't know.

But do you think

that she was actually...

I don't know.

I don't want to know.

- Hi. Thank you.

- Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

It's very confusing, 'cause there

was also multiple references

to the phone sex worker's

sexually abusive father.

One time we had a conference and

she intimated they were true.

I wonder if that's the reason

he killed himself.

- He killed himself?

- Yeah.

She never mentioned that.

The end of

spring semester,

I get a call from Betty

Hester at the library.

Mother Hubbard.

- That's mean.

- I'm s... I... I didn't say "old."

- In any event...

- All right.

she called to say

that Angela

wanted to donate

a volume of her poems

to the Euston library

as a gift.

- Mm-hmm.

- So Betty reads some of these.

And she is

totally freaked out.

So what did you say?

I told her, just catalog

the goddamn things.

Nobody's ever gonna check

it out except Angela.

Mmm.

[Ted's voice] "I'm the

father of four daughters.

Three of them are sleeping. One

is awake and waiting for me.

I keep thinking of her tiny breasts,

my fingers between her legs."

- [woman] Ted?

- [gasps]

Can I help you

with something?

Oh, no, I'm good.

Thank you. Thanks.

- Hello.

- Oh.

- So good to see you, Ted.

- [chuckles] Likewise.

- Yeah, it's been ages.

- Yeah.

- [chuckles]

- [beeps]

- Too busy writing to read?

- [laughs] I wish.

Oh. My Dog Tulip.

- Mmm.

- Oh. I don't think I know this one.

Uh, Professor Moynahan

recommended it.

- Oh, well, it must be good then.

- I think so, yes.

- Okay, thanks.

- Ah-ah.

- What about that one?

- Oh! I forgot.

Oh, dear.

- I believe I know this author.

- Really?

- Yeah. Is she one of your students?

- Yeah, she is.

Uh-huh.

Well, how fortunate for her.

[chuckles]

Okay.

- Send my love to Sherrie.

- I will.

- And to Ruby.

- Mm-hmm.

- [Sherrie] We're late.

- [Ted] Ah, who cares?

Oh, I have missed

these dinners,

these gatherings.

Lost souls pretending that they're

not dying of boredom and angst

in some provincial outpost.

Behave, or I'll take you

home before dessert.

- Promise?

- Mmm.

Ugh. I hope she doesn't

serve jam trifle again.

Be nice.

And no English accents.

[English accent]

Yes, Mum.

It slipped out.

- Can I interest you in some Marmite?

- Marmite? I love Marmite.

Haven't had Marmite since

my wunderjahr at Oxford.

- [woman] Ah!

- Wunderjahr.

I am so glad you like it.

Most Americans don't.

- Oh! Sherrie!

- Hello.

How are you?

Hello. How are you?

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Hi!

- Lovely to see you.

Lovely to see you too.

Sir. How are you?

- Everyone.

- [clears throat]

Can I interest you in some

Marmite hors d'oeuvres?

I never say no

to Marmite.

Unless, of course,

you're serving it...

[English accent]

with steak and kidney pie.

[all laughing]

There he is.

Hello, Ted.

Splendid of you

to come.

- Something to wash that down with, old man?

- Yes, um...

Vodka, please, on the rocks.

A double.

Pellegrino, no ice, please.

Thank you.

We were just talking about the

rigors of the creative pursuit.

And now we can hear what our author in

residence has to say on the subject.

How is your work going

these days?

Well, sometimes fast,

sometimes slow.

You know... Ah.

The creative process

is very challenging.

But rewarding,

when it's good.

What are you working on? Or is talking

about one's writing verboten?

Only to those who have yet

to read my previous work.

It's on my nightstand. Scout's honor.

Third from the top.

- Sure.

- You're working on another novel?

Yes, um,

but, actually, I'd rather

extol the virtues of Marmite.

Don't let the sarcasm fool you.

He's very excited about it.

What's it about? Oh, have you told us?

Sorry if I've forgotten.

No, actually... No, I don't

think I did tell you.

I don't think I told anyone,

not even my nearest and dearest.

Writers

are a secretive bunch.

- As if we're all just dying to steal their ideas.

- We are.

What's the title? Throw us

a bread crumb. Come on.

Tease us.

We do love to be teased.

Eggs.

It's called Eggs.

What an interesting

title.

- Well, yeah.

- Hmm.

I thought it was

The Black and the Black.

- The wife's always the last to know, isn't she?

- [all chuckling]

- Well, I think they're both great titles.

- [Ted] Thank you.

Well, whatever it's called, I've got no doubt

it's gonna be another smashing success.

Rate this script:2.0 / 1 vote