Submission Page #9

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Um, yeah, I should be there

in about ten, 15 minutes.

Will it take long? Because I

have office hours this morning.

I'll tell him

you'll be here shortly.

Thank you so much.

Okay.

[clock ticking]

[footsteps approaching]

Ted.

- Hi.

- [clears throat] Please, sit.

Thank you for coming in

on such short notice.

Oh, yeah. Well, office hours this

early aren't very popular, so...

Hmm.

Ted, maybe we could dispense

with the small talk,

if that's all right,

and get directly

to the point.

[footsteps on tape]

[Angela] So I'm guessing

it didn't go very well.

Otherwise,

you would have called.

[Ted] No, I-I, uh... I talked

to him about it, and he said...

You know, he's a very busy man.

He said he'll read it.

Of course he could be so busy that he just

pretends to read it and then sends it back,

but, unfortunately,

we have no control over that.

[Angela] I can't believe

you let this happen.

I can't believe you didn't

fight harder for me.

[Ted] Angela, what...

[Angela] The only reason why

I let you f*** me

was so you could get my novel to someone

who could actually do something.

[Ted] I did not think this was

about you letting me f*** you.

I thought that was something

that we both wanted.

Francis, look.

I did not make this girl

sleep with me

in exchange

for pimping out her novel.

[sighs]

Ted, maybe it's premature

to warn you

that everything you say

can be used against you, but...

Are you arresting me?

Is that what's happening?

Are you reading me my Miranda rights?

Are the cops here?

Of course not.

But the evidence against you,

it does look pretty damning.

Meaning what?

The student is charging you

with sexual harassment.

Oh.

She's threatening

to sue the school.

And given what she's

presented us with,

I really think

you might consider,

for everybody's sake,

resigning.

I wouldn't ask you to do it

just for the college, old chap.

I'd say go ahead, fight,

if that's what you want.

But you do have

a family to consider

and a professional

reputation.

And my so-called

options?

Well, I suppose we'd have to form

a committee to look into this.

Gather testimony.

Hold a hearing, if necessary.

And I assume it would be.

It's all spelled out in the faculty

handbook under sexual harassment.

This is not

sexual harassment.

Actually, Ted, this sounds like the

textbook case of sexual harassment.

Yeah, but that's

not what it is.

Incidentally, Ms. Argo

has asked me to ask you

to not contact her until after

this matter is settled.

So, what do you say, Ted?

[door slams]

Want to go out

to dinner?

Are we celebrating

something?

Uh, a day

without disaster.

Oh. That's worth

celebrating.

[chuckles]

Emilio's?

You might want to wait for a month

without disasters for that.

Well, there won't be any of those

anytime soon, so... let's go tonight.

- All right.

- All right.

- Let me just go take a shower.

- Okay.

Ted. What are you...

[Ted's voice]

In my dread and confusion,

I reverted

to the conventional wisdom

that if you're going to deliver

shattering information to a loved one,

it's best to do it in a crowded

place that will preempt tears,

recriminations,

murder attempts, and so forth.

I guess I should have known

that at 7:
00 on a weekday night,

the place would be empty.

I'll have the venison.

- And I'll have the, um, salmon.

- Oh.

Uh, even though

it's probably exhausted

after swimming

all the way to Vermont.

[laughs]

We made it

through Thanksgiving.

- Not too bad.

- Not too bad.

- Not too bad.

- I barely remember it.

[laughing]

What do you think?

Think she'll come home

for Christmas?

Yeah, I hope so. Yeah.

- I'm so glad we're in this together.

- Me too.

So if I...

- If I tell you something...

- Mm-hmm.

will you promise not to be

mad at me, no matter what?

I recognize a lose-lose deal

when I hear one.

No, I mean it.

Have you been sleeping

with a student?

[gasps]

Oh, my God.

I was kidding.

I didn't really...

I didn't sleep with her.

My tooth broke.

Oh, okay. So you were going to sleep

with her, except your tooth broke?

Well... Something like that.

Not really.

- I mean...

- What did she do? Punch you in the face?

- [chuckles]

- [chuckles]

No.

Is she the one who called when

you were supposedly in New York?

Um, I think so.

And do you think that's

who you went to see

when you told us you were

going to see your editor?

No, I...

- Look at me, goddamn it!

- Okay. All right.

What are you looking

at them for?

Look... No, I was in New York.

I saw Len.

I wouldn't lie

about something like that.

I'm very superstitious.

You know that.

- What if the plane went down?

- Too bad it didn't.

- Is she pretty?

- No.

No. Not really. No.

Then what? Youth?

Great body? What?

No, no. None of that. Nothing.

It's just... [clicks tongue]

She can write,

you know.

She can write?

This is about writing?

And it never once crossed your mind that

your wanting to sleep with this kid

might have clouded

your literary judgment?

It's just that this novel

she's writing, it's just...

It's stupid.

I know it's stupid.

[whispering]

That's what attracted me.

- Oh. Oh, I get it.

- And okay. Wait...

So you didn't f*** a student.

You f***ed a book.

You're like some groupie, like one of

those chicks who used to come up to you

after one of your readings because they

thought you were some famous writer.

You know what?

You're worse than a groupie.

- You're like a vampire sucking this kid's blood.

- Okay.

A guy whose own daughter barely talks

to him because he forgot she existed.

You were so self-involved, so in

love with your own little problems,

that the only way that

she can get your attention

is to start dating a guy whose reputation

is so bad even you will have heard of it,

even with your head

so far up your ass.

Okay, that's...

All right. Sherrie.

Those pathetic little crushes

you used to get on students,

always simpering about how Little Miss

Such-and-Such is really very talented,

and always asking me if anyone would

still think you were attractive.

I should have known better.

Serves me right for thinking

that we were different.

We weren't like everybody else.

We weren't the clich.

The aging, insecure writer and

his pathetic, supportive wife.

- Okay.

- God, what could possibly be more clich

than thinking

you're not one?

Whatever the f*** you are looking

for, it is not out there.

It is not in me.

And it's not in the p*ssy

of one of your students

who just happens

to be able to write.

I know that. Don't you

think that I know that?

She's filing a sexual

harassment suit against me.

Good.

I hope they crucify you.

I hope they f***ing

make you pay.

[sighs]

[sighs heavily]

[engine starts]

[phone buzzing,

ringtone chiming]

Ruby. Hi, honey.

I was going to call you...

I think it sucks

what you did to Mom.

You should feel

like sh*t.

- That's how you made her feel.

- No, I know that. I know.

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