Suburban Girl Page #5

- Yeah. Nice meeting you.

By the way, promise to tell your

mom and dad qu pasa for me, okay?

Aren't her parents the greatest?

Yeah. Yeah, they are. Take care.

Daddy, I'm not sure

if I belong in this job anymore.

I feel like I'm getting worse instead of better.

ROBERT:
You keep talking about

whether you're good at this or not.

The real question is, do you enjoy it?

I might hate it.

ROBERT:
Well, what about your dream of

becoming an editor?

Conquering the publishing world?

I can barely conquer my laundry.

Oh, my God.

I didn't even look at the time.

Daddy, I gotta go.

ROBERT:
Is everything okay, honey?

- It's totally fine. I love you. Bye.

- ROBERT:
Love you too.

Hey.

I'm so sorry!

I was working on the Putterman book

and I completely lost track of time. Let's go.

Hey. Oh, Archie, come on,

don't be angry with me. I'm sorry.

- Where's Elizabeth?

- She's not here.

Oh. She's late.

You wanna just wait out here for her?

Come on, Brett. Wake up.

She's not coming. She blew me off!

Can't you wrap your little brain

around that idea?

But Archie, did you check your phone?

- She probably left you a message.

- Stop coddling me.

We know there's no message.

There was no message from her,

there was no message from you either.

The difference is that she has me

for an excuse. What's your excuse?

- I told you, I was working on my book.

- No, no, no, no, no.

You've got to stop and think

that when you are late

that tells people that you don't care,

that they can't count on you.

You have to stop and think about

the people you're affecting.

When you should be thinking about

Putterman, you think about Faye.

When you should be thinking about me,

you think about Putterman...

Damn it, Archie, I'm not your daughter!

Yeah, you know what?

I screwed up, I was late.

But you can't blame me

for being a shitty father!

You're right, I am a shitty father.

What was I thinking?

BRETT:
It was so awful.

He wouldn't speak to me all last night

or this morning.

So, Archie is acting like the

self-absorbed jerk that I warned you he was.

I'm ashamed to admit it,

but I think Archie's starting to make me feel

older than I am.

Do you know that I can't even remember

the last time I went to a club?

Or that I watched a movie on Lifetime

instead of a Hitler documentary?

- I don't even get proofed anymore.

- What's next, a senior-citizen discount?

Thank you.

Is it possible that I've been wrong

about Archie all this time?

That his attraction to me isn't about

sleeping with a younger woman,

but it's really about safety?

He's already lived my life.

There's nothing unexpected about me.

There's no problem that I can bring home

that he doesn't have the right answer to.

He thinks he has the right answer to.

But it works both ways

because I want those answers.

I need those answers.

So he's like this cheat sheet for your life?

Is that a good thing?

You really shouldn't pose

philosophical questions to graduates of FIT.

Oh, my God. Honey.

Someone is reading your book.

I don't believe it.

Key, please.

Thank you.

Arch! Arch!

Do you know that as we speak,

a woman's eyes are moving over

my precarious, profound punctuation

and my sensible, subtle sentences?

Don't you just love alliteration?

Arch? Do you hear me?

I made a mark on the world.

And I plan to celebrate by poisoning

you with my shrimp scampi!

So come on down

and let the rapprochement begin.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

You must be Archie's daughter.

Elizabeth, right?

You have his smile.

His teeth are veneered.

Oh, well...

Maybe I'll see you around sometime.

Arch.

Who is she?

Who is she?

My way out.

So, you dating anyone?

No one special.

Whatever happened to that older guy

you told me about? The big shot editor?

- I had to get rid of him.

- Ah.

Probably for the best.

Your brother's down. Alone this time.

I guess he broke up with the cosmetologist.

Why is it "probably for the best?"

What?

When I said I got rid of him,

you said it was "probably for the best."

Why?

I just want to know if there's something

from my childhood.

Something I'm unaware of

that's the key to my life with men.

You know, like a relationship Rosebud.

You finally saw Citizen Kane?

Yeah, Arch...

Stop changing the subject.

Answer my question.

Well, yeah... Listen, if it's all the same, I...

I'd just soon buy you a sled.

- BRETT:
Hi, Mom.

- Hello, honey.

- What's the matter?

- Nothing's the matter.

What do you think? We had it repainted.

- What color is it?

- Alabaster.

No one can even tell the difference.

It looks much better.

ETHAN:
Hey.

Hey, Ethan.

Dad's got cancer.

Well, it was really very easy to hide.

Up until this past month,

I didn't even feel sick.

Plus I didn't really want it to interfere

with your lives.

You mean, my life.

Because, evidently,

I wasn't grown up enough to handle it.

I can't believe you told him first!

What does it matter who found out first?

Because it's not right to keep secrets

from family.

You're one to talk.

What's that supposed to mean?

(LAUGHS)

ETHAN:
I talked to Jed.

He told me all about this Eddie Albert guy

you've been shacked up with.

All right. Let's knock it off, kids, huh?

Dad, how much longer?

We can take it.

I made your favorite, honey.

Soft-shell crabs.

Dad is dying and the only thing

you can think to talk about

is alabaster paint and soft-shell crab?

What is wrong with this family?

ETHAN:
We gotta eat.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

(POUNDING ON DOOR)

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

I brought sushi and you're gonna eat it.

So, what can I do to cheer you up, my love?

You could leave.

My newest, brilliant work of creation.

- It's cute.

- It's yours.

- Try it on.

- Maybe another time.

- I would love to see it on a regular body.

- Regular body?

- Is this your idea of cheering me up?

- What? I bought you sushi.

- I hate sushi!

- Honey, I...

I saw Archie last night.

You did?

I'll tell you all about it

as soon as you try this slip on.

- How are we friends?

- 'Cause you pay me so well?

He was having dinner at Balthazar.

- Was he with someone?

- Couldn't tell.

The point is, Brett, he's obviously

well enough to be seen in public

and, you know,

maybe it's time for you, too, babe.

Honey. Your break-up diet

is working wonders.

(SNEEZES)

(PHONE RINGING)

- Hello?

- FAYE:
Is that you, Brett?

- Faye?

- Listen, I don't have time to talk.

Binky Urban's having a cocktail party

I have to go to.

So I need you to deal with Cas Coyote.

He'll be waiting for you

at Michael's at 10:00.

Yes, he and his best friend, Jack Daniels,

are touring the East Coast.

They managed to slip in a few meetings

before heading off to Europe.

It's your job to guarantee Gitlin & Stern

the exclusive first look

to his rock 'n' roll memoir.

- Understand?

- Faye, I'm really not feeling well.

- I don't think I'm the person...

- Bloody hell!

Then stick a few Vicodin up your ass.

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