Sugar and Spice Page #2

---

A HAND REACHES UNDER the first stall, PASSING A BOX OF

TAMPONS to the next stall - and so on down the line.

LISA (V.O.) (CONT'D)

First, there's Hannah Wold...

FIRST STALL DOOR

HANNAH WOLD, a large, pretty girl in uniform, exits and

crosses to the mirror.

LISA (V.O.) (CONT'D)

She's their base. Strong as an ox.

She's like this Uber-Christian - doesn't

say much. I mean, if she wasn't kinda

pretty, you'd go, "Hey, who's the tard?"

NEXT STALL DOOR:

CLEO MILLE, pretty, starlet-type, wears plenty of make-up.

She lifts the front of her uniform sweater, holds it with her

teeth.

LISA (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Then, there's Cleo Miller...

She opens her purse, pulls out a gel breast and stuffs it in

one cup of her bra.

LISA (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Number one - not a natural blonde.

She REPEATS for the other breast, then pulls her sweater

down.

LISA (V.O.) (CONT'D)

I know. I've been in the locker room

and seen south of the border. Number

two --

(whispers)

She has to see the school shrink.

Cleo lifts the back of her skirt - REVEALING CONAN O'BRIEN'S

face SILKSCREENED on her underpants (thought bubble above his

head reads "Friday... I love Cleo."). She KISSES HER HAND

and plants it on his/her cheek.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. LINCOLN HIGH - SCHOOL COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY

Cleo sits in front of the SCHOOL COUNSELOR.

CLEO:

Dreams? You mean, like, where I'm in

Conan's all leather apartment - I don't

know if he has one, that's why it's a

dream - and suddenly we're buck-naked

and all oiled up. I don't know where

the oil comes from - again, that's why

it's a dream.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. LINCOLN HIGH - GIRLS' BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

Next STALL DOOR SHAKES, but DOESN'T OPEN.

LISA (V.O.)

Cleo's weird, but Kansas Hill - that

girl's crazy.

HANDS APPEAR on top of the stall door - and KANSAS HILL,

petite, cute in a trashy, monster-truck-pull, kinda way -

CRAWLS UNDER.

KANSAS:

Son-of-a-blue-balled-b*tch! I always

get this one.

LISA (V.O.)

Mouth on her that could stop a bull in

heat. Gets her nut-brain from her mom.

See, Mrs. Hill's been in prison since

the day Kansas was born...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - 1983 - NIGHT

MRS. HILL'S blurry POV - from her hospital bed.

LISA (V.O.)

She was lying there, in labor with

Kansas, when she sees something going on

in the next bed.

Mrs. Hill's POV PANS LEFT - NEXT BED comes into focus.

LISA (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Turns out it's Kansas' dad, uh, taking a

nurse's temp. Stay with me, I'm trying

to be delicate.

FOCUS CLEARS:

In silhouette, a MAN is F***ING a NURSE.

LISA (V.O.) (CONT'D)

So, Mrs. Hill whips out a shotgun and

blows his ass to kingdom come.

We see this - still in MRS. HILL'S POV.

LISA (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Jury said, because the majority of women

in Lincoln County having babies don't

bring a shotgun, it counted as

premeditation.

INT. LINCOLN HIGH - GIRLS' BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

LISA (V.O.)

She got life without parole, so Kansas

lives with her grandparents.

The next stall door opens and LUCY - cute, smart, very tidy -

EXITS, suddenly stopping to look down.

LISA (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Then there's Lucy...

She takes out a WHITE-OUT BOTTLE and touches a spot on her

already white Keds... stands... looks... then touches a spot

on the other shoe...

LISA (CONT'D) (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Geek extraordinaire - a walking left

brain. She's supposed to have this

genius I.Q.?

She then starts an obsessional frenzy of "whiting out" spots

all over her Keds. DIANE exits the final stall and takes

away Lucy's white-out.

LISA (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Truth is, she's an obsessive-compulsive

little freak.

DIANE/LISA

Hands in, ladies.

Squad joins Diane in a circle, putting their hands over her

hand - a la Madonna, backstage.

DIANE:

Today, we're going to cheer loud, jump

high, and look pretty because --

DIANE/SQUAD

CHEER-LEADERS-KICK --

IN ONE BEAT, ALL SWING RIGHT ARMS OVER HEAD, landing with a

SMACK on the "ASS" of the girl to their right.

DIANE:

Now let's get going - because nobody

ever got ahead by sitting on their

behind!

As all run out, we:

INT. LINCOLN HIGH - GYMNASIUM - DAY

PRINCIPAL SMITH, a man who burned out long ago, stands behind

a microphone on a small stage as he's done for 45 years.

The LINCOLN HIGH "FIGHTIN' LOG" MASCOT (looks like an angry

Tootsie Roll with legs and overly muscular arms) stands

beside him, pantomiming everything he says. STUDENTS fill

bleachers on either side.

LISA (V.O.)

The school year started off like normal.

Principal Smith gave his pep talk --

PRINCIPAL SMITH:

(reading from a list)

... and if you are approached to buy

drugs, let someone you trust know. If

you are thinking of harming yourself or

others, let someone know. If it burns

when you urinate, have milky seepage or

are being touched by an uncle - let

someone know...

Mascot looks at him, tries to pantomime.

LISA (V.O.)

The A-squad performed...

GYM LIGHTS GO DARK. STUDENTS SCREAM. DRUM CORP. and BRASS

BAND start "ROCK & ROLL PART II" by Gary Glitter.

The SPOTLIGHT RACES around the gym before it hits center

court. The A-squad springs to their feet for an amazing

cheer/dance - strong, sexy, acrobatic, non-traditional.

LISA (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Now, I know it's my duty to give you all

the facts, so I have to say that their

cheer blew like a bulimic after

Christmas dinner. Their blatant

disregard for National High School

Cheerleading Association rules made me

sick. "Basket toss flips and wolf wall

pyramids over two people high are

strictly prohibited." I made a complete

report and sent it in.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes