Suing the Devil Page #5

Oh, and by the way, what does that

tell you about the big guy upstairs?

If he can stop evil

and doesn't,

what does that tell you

about him?

Well, I guess it tells me that

he's given everyone a free will.

Objection, she can't answer

questions from the witness!

Sustained. Please keep

your opinions to yourself.

Of course, your honor.

Any further questions?

No.

Bailiff!

Bailiff, do something!

Stay calm everyone please,

how did it get, what?

Bailiff, get it out of the court!

- What's your next move?

- Hey guys,

just a bit of time out, okay?

I just have to use the bathroom.

Alright.

Are you waiting?

Give it a few minutes.

Bad oysters.

Why are you here

defending yourself?

Why are you suing me?

Well, I didn't think

you'd show, did I?

You didn't think I'd show?

What kind of a gutless thing is that to say?

So why did you show?

I'm here to defend my honor.

Your honor?

You're a snake!

You be careful, O'Brien, I could

sue you for liable and slander.

Truth is the defense

against slander.

Oh yeah, of course, I forgot

you know the law, don't you?

Alright. Yep, you can

call me a snake.

Actually, I think snakes are pretty cool.

Ever eaten one?

You know, what I can't figure out

is why did you turn against God.

You were a worshipped leader,

you're a good looking angel,

and you throw it all away.

Listen, I don't like

to dwell on the past,

but if you're looking

for the short answer,

I thought that I...

could be God.

Big mistake.

Why aren't you afraid?

Afraid? Afraid of what?

Well, I am the guy who sent

Jesus Christ to be crucified.

- Think about that.

- Ah, think again!

See, Jesus willingly

went to the cross

and that was the biggest

mistake of your life, pal.

Do you remember the

Garden of Gethsemane?

All the disciples were asleep,

he had no one to turn to.

He still went through with it!

I mean, it's unbelievable!

Yeah, what a great guy.

That's why I owe him big.

Listen you chomp, chomp,

you're going to lose this case,

you're going to be the laughing

stalk of the word! I mean...

little kids are going

to point at you and go,

"isn't that the moron

who tried to sue Satan?"

Listen, don't talk to that little

punk without me present.

Do not. Please.

- Is everything under control, Mr. Banks?

- Of course it is.

Remember, we don't lose ever.

Good. Don't ever

say lose to me!

Have a nice day.

Am I right in saying that...

you dropped out of school because

you couldn't stand the pressure?

Yes.

And that was Satan's fault?

No, that was mine.

- It was yours.

- Yeah.

And presently you're

studying at Billy's...

Counsel, please keep

your hands off the witness.

Your honor, I'm sorry, he just

reminds me of my son.

That's...

So how does Billy's College of

night law compare with other colleges?

How would I know?

Well, I went to Harvard law school,

how does it compare with that?

Objection!

You're objecting to

your own counsel?

Your honor, I'd like to rebuke

my own counsel if I may.

Please, come here!

How dare you ridicule that man

in front of everybody?

- I was just trying to point out...

- Who cares if you're from Harvard?

Big deal! Nobody cares, listen to me now,

because I'm the boss, not you.

We're here representing that man

over there. This is not your show.

So you know what?

Get out!

- What?

- You're fired!

Your honor, excuse me for

my outburst, I am truly sorry.

If it pleases the court I would like

to replace counsel with co-counsel.

- The lovely Ms. Scarlett.

- Substitution granted.

- Thank you.

- Continue with the questioning, please.

Nice trick.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

We're losing the case Luke.

Do you realize that?

Yeah, I noticed.

I can't believe the jury

is on Satan's side!

Gosh, I'm going to go down as

the worst lawyer in the history of law.

Luke, he's deceiving the jury.

Yeah, he sure is.

I know that,

he even tricked me.

What am I suppose to do?

- You okay?

- Yeah, I'm good.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

- Are you ready to do this the Lord's way?

- The Lord's way?

That's what I think I've been doing, I'm

suing the devil in case you haven't noticed.

For who's gain?

Yours or his?

Honey, it's a little more complicated

than that, you wouldn't understand.

You know, guys, it's funny,

because most people

are in a spiritual battle

every single day of their life

and they just go about their busy lives never

fulfilling what God really intended for them.

Meaning?

Meaning that Satan doesn't care

about those who are too busy for God,

he only cares about those

who are too busy for Satan.

- Good morning.

- Are you at the witness stand today?

I would just like to say,

my statement is this:

This trial has been made out

to be a trial of good vs. evil.

Now I have nothing personal

against Mr. Luke O'Brien,

he's a misguided

Bible thumper, that's all.

Anyway, we'll have a

good contest, thank you.

Mr. Satan, sir, can you tell us

what hell is like?

Oh yes, it's very warm there.

Why, do you want to come and see?

If you're Satan,

than prove it.

What happened to him?

Hey blind man,

you really think

the end is near?

I believe Jesus is

coming back soon, yes.

- And why is that?

- I may be blind, but I can see.

The book of Luke says,

"Watch out so you are not deceived,"

for many will come in my name

claiming I am he,

- Yeah, yeah, thank you.

- The time is near.

Then he said to them, the nation will rise

against nation, kingdom against kingdom,

there will be great earthquakes,

famine and diseases in various places.' '

Oh, I truly believe that

we are the last generation.

Congratulations sir, it's looking

like a slam dunk to me.

Oh really, a slam dunk?

- Is something wrong?

- No, no.

Do you remember seeing

that blind guy outside?

- Blind guy?

- Yeah, I wonder where he went.

Look, we've got

this jury locked.

The way this case is done

if we don't screw it up, okay?

- Oh, we've got them locked, huh?

- Locked.

You know,

I think we're going to have

to alter course.

All rise!

Can you explain evil to me?

Did you hear my question?

Yes.

Well?

Evil is good.

Did you just say

that evil is good?

You still don't get it,

do you?

There wouldn't be good

without evil

and conversely, there wouldn't be

evil without good.

Well, then Ezekiel...

- Ezekiel?

- Yeah.

- Oh one of my favorites.

- Oh yeah.

He says a nice one about you.

So what?

So what? So you thought

you were God,

and that was a little bit silly,

wasn't it?

What kind of a question is that,

your honor?

Your honor!

- Who is Jesus Christ to you?

- I'm sorry?

I said, who is Jesus Christ?

Your honor, what's that

got to do with anything?

Objection, your honor, come on!

- Where are we going with this?

- Overruled. Proceed.

Your honor, please...

Will you sit your jack

in the box face down!

Got it?

Thank you, counsel.

Who is Jesus Christ?

Witness will answer

the question.

Yes, your honor.

Jesus Christ.

Fine.

He was a good teacher,

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