Suing the Devil Page #7

to kill, and destroy.

You can't put a price

on the damage he's done,

but humans are responsible

for their own souls.

- Is there a hell?

- Yes indeed.

And everyday people have the opportunity

to go to either heaven or hell.

Thank you.

Alright guys, this thing keeps going back

like an Olympic ping pong match.

Tony, who's winning?

It's really hard to say,

it really is,

but it was brilliant on his part bringing all

these distinguished men up to the stand.

I would say O'Brien

is winning at this point,

and seems to be able to carry it

all the way through.

Me too! The jury is going

with O'Brien all the way!

- I'm a little concerned, sir.

- A little?

Gentlemen, we are losing this case. I think

we need a serious change of counsel...

Who do you think

you're talking to?

You think you're it, don't you? Because

you went to Stanford law school, huh?

And you work at a top firm?

Yeah, you don't know jack, boy.

And that goes for you too!

Listen, you better win this case,

I'm telling you.

I'm going to make my priority

to come after you night and day

in this world and in hell, you got it?

Now get out of here! Get out!

Don't you ever get tired

of being the bully?

You know, I really don't understand

you and your wife, I mean,

you're either super crazy or super stupid

to want to go up against me.

I have no fear of you anymore.

Yeah, you may be more powerful

on this earth than me,

but Jesus is infinitely

more powerful than you.

You're banging the

Bible again, huh?

Yeah, yeah. Well, maybe you should

ask God to cure Gwen's brain cancer then.

- What?

- Oh!

Didn't she tell you?

Oh yeah.

Oh, that's a shame.

No, she's got brain cancer.

She's only got 5 months to live.

- You're lying.

- Oh yeah. I'm lying.

I know, well, I'm Satan, I mean,

Satan always lies, don't he?

I tell you what, why don't you

ask her yourself, huh?

Everyone needs compassion,

love that's never failing.

- Gwen, I've got to ask you something.

- What?

And you've got to be

honest with me, alright?

Are you sick, honey?

Are you dying of cancer?

You just had so much

on your plate.

You know what, I want you

to do this trial, okay?

I want you to win it!

Do you hear me?

I want you to win it!

I love you.

Oh babe,

I love you so much.

All rise!

You may be seated.

Counsel, do you have

something to say?

Your honor, we ask the court

to give us a continuance

and suspend this trial

immediately!

Order!

Counsel, on what grounds?

Your honor, this man

is not Satan.

Order!

Counsel, do you realize

what you're saying?

The fact that he has admitted

he's Satan is unequivocal.

Your honor, according to

international rules section 666,

the trial can't continue if there's

any question of true identity.

Section 666, I have

never heard of it.

It's in your rule book,

page 341.

666, there it is.

Counsel for the plaintiff,

any comment?

Your honor, it has been

established that he is Satan.

No, it has not been

established, your honor.

Especially in light of new

revelations about our client.

Oh! Let's break!

Counsel, I want to see all of you

in my chambers now.

This is preposterous!

I could have you

disbarred for this!

Your honor, we've just been alerted to the fact

that our client is not who he says he is.

- He's not Satan!

- What are you saying?

He's insane, we represented him

to the best of our ability

and he fooled us.

Oh, he fooled you,

he fooled you!

Aren't you supposed to be

the top law firm in the world?

- Was he fooling about paying as well?

- Your honor, he is not insane.

I'll be the judge of that,

thank you.

We ask that the entire case

be dismissed on lack of person.

- And under international rule 393...

- Oh, don't you tell me the rules!

This case will continue, but I will

allow proof of identity to be granted.

You have to prove that

that man in there is really Satan.

- Your honor, that just not...

- Oh, stop it,

- and get back into court all of you!

- Thank you, your honor.

Good luck with that.

For what it's worth,

you stood up for

what you believe in

and you took all

that public humiliation.

You never caved in.

I really, really respect that.

Thanks, I just...

I wish there was someway

to prove that this guy is the devil.

I know.

You okay?

- I'm good.

- Thank you.

- How are you?

- I'm okay, how are you?

I'm good.

I really thought I had

this guy, you know?

He's just too smart.

You're dealing with a force

that's beyond your comprehension.

Luke, God is still in control.

Yeah, it just feels kind of...

Say that again.

God is in control, Luke.

God is in control!

- Remember that.

- I love you.

I love you.

Alright.

Your honor, plaintiffs would like

to call Satan back to the witness stand.

Hi.

Hi.

Why did you tell the court

and this jury that you were Satan?

Actually, if my memory

serves me correctly,

I don't think I ever said I was Satan.

You're the one who said it

You answered every question

as if you were Satan.

Yeah, well, somebody's got to defend him,

may as well have been me, right?

Order!

What do you do for a living?

I sell used cars,

and new ones, yeah.

Come see me, I'll give you

a special rate.

Really?

Anyone else too,

special rate.

How about that, folks?

That's really cute.

This is all just one big joke

for you, isn't it?

Well, come on, we all had

a few laughs, right? I mean,

I had my 15 minutes,

you had yours,

we both went home happy

and entertained, right?

I mean, that's why you sued

Satan in the first place, right?

No.

You're a rational person,

are you not?

Yes. A re you?

You wouldn't do anything out of the

ordinary in this courtroom, would you?

There's nothing ordinary

in this courtroom.

Order!

- Sorry, your honor.

- What I mean is...

now that you've revealed that

you're really a used car salesmen,

Right, right.

You wouldn't wig out or

anything crazy, would you?

- I don't think so.

- No, you wouldn't do anything strange

- in front of this jury, would you?

- Certainly not, no.

No, after all, now you claim

that you're not Satan.

Alright, listen. We had

our fun, right? Now...

- Now you just hold on a minute, pal.

- Whoa, don't...

- What is... No, no, no.

- Oh, I got your attention now, haven't I?

- Well, I've got something special in here for you.

- I'm sure you do.

- James, chapter 4, verse 7.

- Oh, no.

Submit yourselves

then to God,

resist the devil and

he will flee from you.

Come near to God and

He will come near to you.

Wash your hands,

you sinners,

and purify your hearts,

you devil minded people.

Have you finished?

Oh, no. No.

And by the power and the truth

of these scriptures,

and in the name of Jesus Christ,

get thee behind me, Satan!

I'm sorry?

I said,

get thee behind me, Satan!

In the name of Jesus Christ!

Excuse me, Satan, get back

into the witness stand.

- Sorry.

- That was unusual.

I was... I'm just nauseated,

your honor.

Do you do that all the time?

I bet you get a lot

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