Summer Rental Page #3

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Are you crazy? He's a lifeguard!

They're all sex maniacs.

Each of his gonads is screaming,

"Me first!"

Ain't nothing to worry about.

I'm going to be around her.

- See you later, honey.

- OK, ladies, let's go! It's late!

- Take a bow!

- Jack off!

Great. We live next door to lifeguards.

A whole gaggle of them.

Well, I guess I won't drown.

Mom, they whistled at us. Don't look!

See that one on the left? He was cute!

- We should have brought shoes.

- I can't walk any more.

- My feet are burnt.

- Just hop, honey, just hop.

Come on up on Daddy's shoulders.

There you go! There's my girl.

Hold on.

Boy! Here we go.

Just got to find Mommy now.

Excuse me.

- Jeez, I'm sorry. Really.

- That was my hand, mister!

Sorry about that.

It's just sand, it's fine.

It's this darn cooler.

The thing broke off again.

- I'm waiting for a part from Minneapolis.

- My camera! Lift up your foot! My lens!

The sand!

If there's any damage,

send the bill to 415 Beach Lane, OK?

Damn right!

- You big bozo!

- That's my lunch!

- Watch it, that's my hat!

- Hey, honky!

Sorry! Just iced water. Just iced water.

- What are you doing?

- You should've covered it.

No! Watch it!

You shouldn't cook on the beach.

It's illegal. I think. Sandy?

Didn't you hear me calling?

I've been all over.

OK, sweetheart, get down.

Am I glad to be here!

I'm glad, too. Bobby wanted this

blowing up. Can you finish it?

Yeah, I'm breathing out anyway.

What the heck.

Thank you.

- How was nursery school?

- It was great. She graduated.

- What?

- Yeah, Mother Goose retired.

What a shame! We'll find other things

to do. Want to build a sandcastle?

Hey, Sandy.

- Yeah?

- What's Jennifer doing up there?

- She's talking with a new friend.

- Is that something we want?

They're just talking.

That's how she got here, remember?

Dad!

Here, ace, here's your raft.

I don't want it now.

I want to play Frisbee. Here, catch!

Oh, say, can you see...

- Bobby, throw long.

- Go!

Nice one!

Albert, you octopus!

- Hey, what are you doing?

- Your wife's on my Whammo.

- Get out of here!

- Sure. You can have that if you want.

When you're done with it, I'm at 415

Beach Lane. Beach Road! Carry on!

- 14-13.

- We're next, Dad.

Relax. Control's the thing.

- I know.

- If you get in trouble, pass it to me.

Your hands and my height,

we'll destroy them!

- Are you ready, mister?

- Yeah, we're ready. Let's go!

- Let's go! Let's eat them up!

- Go, team!

Best 2 out of 3?

You're being too hard on yourself.

You haven't played volleyball for years.

Yeah? Why don't you tell that to Bobby?

I embarrassed him for life. Right now,

he's wishing you were a widow.

Have a grape.

I think your blood sugar's low.

That's it! How could I be so stupid?

Of course!

I'm a sailor.

I'm a great sailor!

I'll take my son sailing!

- Excuse me, you rent sailboats here?

- We sure do.

All right!

We want to take a look at them.

They're all rented for the next two weeks.

Everyone's practising for the regatta.

I want to teach my son to sail.

Is there another place we can rent one?

There's one.

Maties, which boat will it be?

Tough choice, isn't it?

What about a big one like this?

- Without the crud on it.

- Young 'un, it's crustaceous morticus.

Pejoratively referred to as barnacle.

She was a fast lady in her day.

I'm sure. We'll take the 12-footer here.

That's a fine choice.

You're your own ballast in that vessel.

That's good. Puts a little sport into it.

Come on. Here we go.

- Ready to cast off?

- You bet!

You get a free lesson with each rental.

Yorku, I'll take them out.

- Watch the bar.

- It's OK. I already know how to sail.

Ready, son? Here we go! All right!

Hey, I got it going!

- All right!

- Here we go!

Bye!

Pull this rope, the sail comes

towards you, and you're sailing.

- Dad, there's a boat in front of us!

- I see it! It's OK. Let's make a turn.

- Sharp turn we're making!

- Yeah!

- Hey, we made it. Were you scared?

- Not me!

You should have been. I was.

I was a little scared there.

- Where did you learn how to sail?

- Camp Weehorn. They had a big lake.

- Hey, Dad, there's the Incisor.

- Yeah. Isn't she a beauty?

- Let's go closer!

- OK, Captain.

- Here we go!

- All right!

That sure is a gorgeous boat, isn't it?

Too bad a big fart like that owns it.

Yeah, the big fart!

Watch your language.

Where do you learn that?

Veer off to starboard, Al.

That skiff looks close.

No, we got the right of way.

Let him move.

Watch out, Dad!

We're heading straight toward him!

The smaller craft has the right of way.

- I don't think he has those rules! Turn!

- What are you doing?

My knee!

- Is it your bad one, Dad?

- Yes, yes!

Idiot! You put a hole in my boat!

It's you, again! You hit my boat!

You put a hole in my boat!

- Why didn't you give way?

- Are you telling me how to sail?

I was on a starboard tack.

I had the right of way! You city rat!

I got a kid in the boat!

You should've moved!

Big fart!

I'm going to get you for this, renter!

I'm going to get you!

- You're finished!

- He's not! Tell him, Dad!

No point. Sh*t for brains!

He put a hole in my boat! Look at it!

Give me a hand with the hole here!

- You're not hungry?

- I'm not anything.

The doctor said you'd only be

off your feet two days.

- There are things we can do.

- Like what?

- Well... Free tonight, sailor?

- I don't want your pity.

Take what you can get.

Going once... twice...

I'll take it.

Now, Monty Ewing, the rookie with

a chance to make his name on the tour.

- He has a 32-foot putt for the birdie.

- This green has taxed the pros today.

There's the touch!

There's the roll! And oh, my!

Look at that! He's got that birdie.

Unbelievable, Dick.

Take a look at it again in slow motion.

Look at this, Bill.

Ever so gentle.

Hurry up, come on!

We are always late. Let's go!

Let's get in. Go on, Ma.

Mom, it's about to start!

OK! Sit here for a second, sweetie.

Oh, no! I can't believe it.

I forgot my wallet. I can't believe it.

We'll miss the beginning!

Sh*t! Shoot, I mean!

- Shoot!

- Excuse me.

- Take their tickets out of this.

- No, I can't let you do that.

- Please, it'll be my pleasure.

- Mom, let him!

- OK, if you'll let us pay you back.

- OK. Four adults and two kids.

- I'm Don Moore. This is my son, Gregg.

- Nice to meet you.

I'm Sandy Chester.

This is Laurie, Jennifer and Bobby.

Hi. Let's go.

- Yeah!

- Popcorn, popcorn!

- Hi.

- Hi.

- What are you listening to?

- WHAM 104.

Hey!

- Thanks, Dad.

- Thanks.

Don Gufferson now,

his first shot at 17.

Looks like it could be

the longest of the foursome.

All right!

Come in, Arch.

Oh! Couldn't you do that outside?

What do you want?

Your bone. You get it.

Well, go get it!

OK, I will!

Jeez, God! I thought the dog

was the one supposed to go fetch.

Archie! Archie!

Open it! Open this damn door!

Get out of my chair! Go on, get out!

Out of my popcorn, you dirty...

Sure! For you, the TV clears up!

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