Summer Rental Page #4

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He missed that!

Jeez! Archie! Archie!

If I get in there, you're a rug!

Breakfast with the family.

Dad, get dressed.

We're going out in a speedboat today!

- Yeah?

- Don just called.

The guy who lent us money. He invited

us out on his cabin cruiser. Feel like it?

- No, not today.

- We can find something else to do.

- No, you should go.

- Sure?

I'm sure. Of course, I'm sure.

I got lots to do today.

- I'm changing the air in my splint.

- OK.

- We're going out with Don and Gregg!

- We're going out with Don and Gregg!

- Is his wife nice?

- She's in Ohio with a guy.

Don got a divorce last year.

Have a lovely day, darling! I love you!

Love you, too!

So, how is everybody? Good.

You look good. You do.

Want an orange? A juice or something?

At 105 degrees, climbing to 110,

it's a record for this date.

Bobby, you're doing great!

You're so good at this! All right, Bobby!

Way to go, Bob!

Hi!

- Oh, what a shame!

- Leave it.

- Sorry.

- You did nothing.

- I've been waiting to meet you.

- Really?

- I'm your neighbour, Vicki Sanders.

- Jack Chester.

I just made some fresh lemonade.

Why not come over and have some?

Oh, no.

- Oh, come on!

- I wouldn't want to impose.

Impose! What are neighbours for?

Come on!

- Really?

- What happened to your leg?

Boating accident.

- Does it hurt?

- I suppose it would if I let it.

I wanted to be a pilot,

but with a family and responsibilities,

I became a controller instead.

You know,

you and I have so much in common.

I wanted to be a stewardess, but Ed

didn't want me away. So I do electrolysis.

Hello?

Anybody home?

- It looks like nobody's here.

- Mom, I have to go real bad!

Go on, but hurry up.

- And don't sit on the seat!

- Excuse me.

I hate to bother you, I'm dying of thirst.

Could I get a glass of water?

- Help yourself.

- Thanks a million.

Hello.

You have good vision?

You have to in your business, right?

- It helps.

- And you're very observant, I can tell.

Can I have an honest opinion?

What do you think of these?

Well, what do you think?

About what?

- These!

- Oh, those!

Yeah. How do they look?

Similar?

No, I mean, do they look good?

I just got them.

Who had them before you?

Nobody, silly!

I just recently had them enlarged.

Oh, I see.

They cost $2,000!

- It was these or a chain-saw for Ed.

- Good choice.

Think so?

I'd take those over a power tool any day.

Do they look like real breasts to you?

You fooled me!

- You don't think they're too big?

- No! No, no.

- Is that Ed?

- Yeah, he's waking up.

Ah! You'll excuse me, I'm a dead man!

Oh, great!

The husband's coming and I blow a leg!

Again?

Put your top on!

- I'm sorry! I didn't see anything, I swear!

- He's our neighbour!

- I'm just renting.

- Sorry, mister.

- She's boring the whole world with them.

- Be quiet, Ed. I just want his opinion.

She's insecure. Last night,

she showed them to a clerk at 7-Eleven.

Relax! They're beautiful.

They look right and feel right.

- Yeah.

- Try them and tell her they feel right?

As a favour to me?

Oh, yeah! Boy, those are so lifelike,

it's ridiculous!

Honey, everybody likes them. Thanks.

- I owe you one.

- What are neighbours for? I've got to go.

- I gave up a power tool for those.

- Christmas is right around the corner.

- $2,000 a set?

- For both.

That's a deal! They're fun for

the whole family. I've got to tell my wife.

We'll give you the doctor's number.

Take care.

Bye!

Cut that out! Get out of here!

That's our bike! Get off my bike!

- Who's got the cheese omelette?

- Right here!

- You got it. How do you like it?

- Fluffy.

Watch it, Fats!

- Are you going to be long?

- Wait, this is important...

...I have to have those pants.

I only have two pairs here,

but 50 per cent of the pant...

Get out!

Party's over! Get out of my house!

Get out of my house!

Get out, get out!

Get off the phone!

- I'll call you back!

- Get off the phone! Out!

Jesus!

You, out!

Bug off, buddy. I was here first.

- Get the hell out of here now.

- You go. I'm trying to watch The Smurfs.

Trying to watch The Smurfs?

See the one where Papa Smurf smashed

the sh*t out of a guy with a red hat?

You want to see that one?

Archie, you stink!

Traitor!

Morning, Colonel.

Good to see you. What can I get you?

How about drunk?

We can handle that.

Thank you.

You have an ice cube for this?

You're wrong! You're wrong!

I've tried to tell you that,

as a fighter, pound for pound,

my boy, Jimmy Cagney,

will disintegrate your Sylvester Stallone!

- He'll knock his block off!

- In a street fight, maybe.

I give you that. But not in a movie!

Especially with today's cinemanatic

progress. It's technologically impossible!

- Do you have any more oyster crackers?

- You ate them all!

They were so good. I'll have another

beer. They're filling, aren't they?

Mas cerveza!

Yeah, it's probably better for me.

Good shot.

OK, count them up.

- Who threw this one?

- Blue, that's you.

- All right, I win.

- Big winner there, Scull-man!

I love you, Scully. I mean that.

It's not the booze talking, either.

Sorry I wrecked your boat.

Let me pay for it.

She's fine. It'll give her more character.

I'm at fault for not giving you that lesson.

You're not at fault. I am! I'm the one

who said I could sail. I can't sail.

I don't know... I used to sail

when I was a kid, but I can't sail.

Do you know what it's like to peak

when you're 18 years old?

Yes, I do.

Would you like to learn to sail?

Really to sail?

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Yeah.

I call this craft Shotzie.

It's nicknamed for my sweetheart.

We name vessels after women to remind

us to treat them gently, like ladies.

Otherwise,

they won't respond like ladies.

Remember, always gentle on the tiller.

You understand that?

Yeah, I...

Oyster crackers.

Good, that should be the last of it.

- Can we go home now?

- You said you wanted to be a sailor.

So, we're going to stay out here

until you become one.

This is the life.

There's nothing like the sea to lift your

spirits and put a song in your heart.

I know.

You must know a lot of ocean songs.

I do.

Here's a sea ditty me mother taught me.

Love

Exciting and new

Come aboard

We're expecting you

And love

Life's sweetest reward

Let it flow

lt'll float back to you

The Love Boat

Soon will be making another run

The Love Boat...

Jack?

Jack!

That's cute.

Are you going to sleep all day?

I guess you are.

We'll be home early!

I'm up.

I'm up. I'm up.

It's still dark.

Oh, I'll feel that in the morning!

- Hi.

- Buenos dias.

Where's Scully?

- Thanks. Scully!

- Over here!

- He's over there.

- That's what I says.

- You know what to do.

- When I'm ready, I say, "Jibe ho."

- That's right. Prepare to jibe. Jibe ho.

- Jibe ho!

- What happened? I yelled jibe ho.

- You say jibe ho, then you jibe!

- I don't know what to say. Sorry.

- Why not say you'll pick me up?

I'm... Yeah, right... Let me tack...

Hey, why don't you swim to me?

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