Super High Me Page #8

come in, you can bust us, but

you remember Stonewall?

These people are gonna fight back.

They're not just gonna lay down."

In the end, we knew we'd win.

And it's a good thing that we

wrote it for the people

because -it's got a lot of

holes in it, they say.

They say it's very loosely worded.

Pioneer law.

You know, they say, "almost

anybody can get it with this law.

Don't vote for it."

It was done in the name of my

dead friend, my dead brothers

and sisters who died of aids out

of all that pain, all that

sorrow, something good would

happen.

It had to be the sum of their

life that the world changed.

A lot of comedians work

really hard on their jokes, but

what I've been doing...

[laughter]

...is smoking a lot of pot.

I've been high probably about 22

hours -no, more like 18 hours a day.

I probably get sober during the

middle of the night for a few hours.

And it's probably gonna prove nothing.

[Laughter]

[Laughs]

And weird laughs in the audience.

[Stiffly] ha ha!

Ha ha!

Ahh!

This guy is living in a cartoon world.

He's got a cartoon apartment.

[Bell dings]

Ha ha!

Muir Woods, north of

San Francisco, home of the

mighty Redwood.

Let's enjoy it together, shall we?

They really took the treat out

of Rice Krispie treat.

This thing tastes horrible.

How's it going?

Express yourself, Doug.

F*** this first amendment area.

[Laughter]

I know this guy who has a dog

that can talk.

You can ask the dog --

you can ask -this is serious.

You can ask the dog anything you

want, and then it'll answer it

talking-style.

So, I go -I go -I go,

"what's the thing on top of a house?"

And the dog goes, "roof!"

"Okay, who's the greatest

baseball player of all time?"

And the dog goes, "Ruth!"

I'm like, "okay, that's good.

Name a tourist attraction in the

San Francisco area."

"Wharf!"

And then I'm like, "be more

specific."

"Fisherman's Wharf."

[Laughter]

[Bell dings]

This is day 23 of a project that

I'm working on called

"Super High Me."

I am smoking pot all day, every

day for 30 days, starting from

when I wake up in the morning to

when I go to bed at night.

And it has been awesome.

[Laughter]

I think -you know what.

I think the month that you

weren't stoned, I think you have

a pot gland in your body now,

and it just releases pot when

you go without.

It's like a camel hump, and you

don't see it.

And so, the whole f***ing movie,

you're just stoned.

It's just "Super High Me" for 60

goddamn days.

But you're not -what it is is

"I'm gonna spend a month not

smoking it.

I'm just gonna get it from my

gland in my neck where I keep

extra pot in case of an

Apocalypse."

How great would it be if the

last scene in the movie is it

bursts out of my head?

[Laughter]

And it looks like

Tommy Chong.

[Laughter]

You grow another -if

Tommy Chong dies --

[imitating Tommy Chong] I

was in your head, man.

[Laughter]

What the f***, man?

You don't got enough room for a

dude in your head, man.

That was f***ing cramped, man.

[Laughter]

You got any weed?

Do you have any plans to make

that leap to having a doctor

give you the thing so you can

just go into dispensaries and

buy amazing weed?

Then my name's on some list somewhere.

That's true.

Right?

That's what people think.

We haven't been able to really

track down --

I don't know if there is a

list that exists, but up here it

seems like there would be.

But, you know, wouldn't they

just pencil your name in if they

ever see you anywhere doing

anything?

Yeah.

[Laughs]

You're pretty open about it.

I don't have a ton of

material about it, but I did say

I smoked pot on "Conan," so

that's probably not the smartest thing.

People watch that, right?

Feds love Conan.

Let me ask you this -how do

you feel about marijuana in a pill?

What's this, like Cocoa Krispies

that are full of weed?

Cucumber, boat, wire.

I still got it.

We're gonna do that mini

mental status thing, but what's,

you know --

Cucumber, boat, wire?

Oh, no, this time it's

completely different.

Okay, good.

See, I knew you'd review the

tape, so basically I changed it

all completely around.

I didn't have to look at the

tape.

I've been obsessed with

"cucumber, boat, wire" since it happened.

Excellent.

'Cause nobody remembers.

But if it's still three words,

I'm gonna be aware enough to be

able to get it right even though

I'm medicated, so to speak.

Yes, you are med

[laughing] um...

[baby talking] yes, you

are, you little medicated

patient.

You sound more medicated than

you did last time.

This is a questionnaire about

pot that I devised for this

movie to just ask random people,

seeing how much they know about

pot and the situation with pot

in America today.

Here we go.

East bay, first question --

what percentage of Americans smoke pot?

80%.

Excellent guess. It's 99%.

[Laughter]

Very close, though.

Do you smoke pot?

Not recently.

Yes.

About four or five times a year.

No.t depends on, like,

when you're talking about...

Yeah, right. That is a yes.

No.

Occasionally.

Occasionally.

No.

Yes, I do.

Do you smoke pot?

Yes.

Welcome to the majority.

[Laughter]

Okay, three words -cab,

avocado, brick.

Cab, avocado, brick.

Perfect.

Now, count back from 100,

subtracting seven.

So, start with 100 and tell me

what's --

93...

Uh-huh.

Come on.

[Laughs]

93...

82...

Okay.

Uh...73.

Mm-hmm.

Is that right?

Keep going.

Jesus.

Uh...73 -64.

Mm-hmm.

Do you think pot is addictive?

Yes.

Well, you're wrong.

I quit smoking pot for 30 days,

and now I'm smoking pot again.

[Laughter]

So you're wrong.

Do I seem high to you right now?

Maybe a little.

Well, you're wrong.

I'm totally high right now.

[Laughter]

Um, at what -this is an

important one at this

juncture -at what age do you

think it's okay for kids to

start getting high?

Uh, 18?

Maybe like 16.

As soon as you can use a lighter.

18?

I think they need to talk to

their parents first.

27, actually.

[Laughter]

Okay, what are those three

words that we talked about

before?

Uh, cab, avocado, brick.

You scored!

Excellent. All right.

You got 24 this time, and last

time you got 27.

So, over 22 is still normal, but

you barely got it.

"Cab, avocado, brick" -you

were just waiting for that.

Actually, it's interesting.

Your mathematical functions

completely are gone.

The serial sevens -you kind of

completely got yourself --

Serial sevens?

See, that's what I did is I

switched it to serial nines

partway for some reason.

What's the chemical name for the

active ingredient in pot?

Tetrahydrocannibinol.

No, it's an apple.

[Laughter]

What's -oh, wait, that's the

answer to the next one.

[Laughter]

What's the best fruit to turn

into a pipe?

[Laughter]

An apple.

An apple, yeah.

Apple, yes.

What do you charge for an eighth?

The good stuff or the bad stuff?

Got you!

[Laughter]

Say hello to Officer Benson.

Have you ever been high at work?

If so, what do you do?

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