Super High Me Page #7

couch.

Let's pick up where we left off.

The girl's melting.

And as a pot smoker, I'm not

deterred.

I'm watching that commercial

going, "how do I get ahold of

some of that weed?"

[Laughter]

"That is some amazing sh*t that

I would like to try.

I have been smoking the 'can't

find my keys' weed, and

somewhere in the world, there is

some 'melting into the couch'

sh*t that would be an incredible

ride.

Plus, if I melted into the

couch, maybe I'd find my keys.

It would be a win-win

situation."

So, this is what one guy gave me

last night, this really nice

fellow...

who said he heard me on the

radio yesterday morning.

And he and his girlfriend were

like, "we have to go see him."

This I got from someone else,

who does not want to be named.

And this one I got from yet a

third party who doesn't want to

be named.

And we just made a blend of all

three and enjoyed it before our

day at mall of America.

Last time I was here in

beautiful Minneapolis, I went to

go get my flight out on Sunday,

and I'm walking around the

terminal.

I can't find my gate, can't find

my gate.

Hours go by -hours.

And then I finally realize I'm

at Mall of America.

[Laughter]

I wrote that joke today when I

was high at Mall of America.

[Bell dings]

This is the brownie portion

of the exam.

You may begin.

[Bell dings]

I'm totally gonna lose a lot

of points for not being able to

open it.

I'm not gonna sit here and not

try.

[Stupidly] uh...

uh...

how have you been feeling?

What has your mood been like in

the last week?

Um, mostly good.

Would you describe your mood

as euphoric?

Yeah, that's a good word for

it.

Anybody want to come up here

and get high with Doug?

Come on up.

[Cheers]

As you get high, anyone in the

audience who didn't want to come

up here and get high with Doug

can get high in the audience.

Wow.

And try to get the person

next to you high.

Here, this is already packed,

so...

oh, you were gonna get her

high?

I'll just get her high.

I don't give a sh*t.

[Laughter]

[Cheers]

No, you don't -there's no

carbon.

Just do it.

"That's America," someone

yelled out.

You hear that?

America!

Yeah!

[Cheers and applause]

Thank you very much.

You're welcome very much.

You kidding me?

Okay, so...

okay, Doug's gonna get a little

more high.

[Laughter]

That was a pretty big hit there.

You may have your sensibilities

offended right now, but you are

not being made to smoke dope.

We got a pretty good ventilation

system.

It's mostly going up.

Upstairs they'll be completely

high.

[Laughter]

We vent right into the

apartments a

[sneezes]

I'm allergic to weed.

[Laughter]

The idea of the piece is that

myself and Rob Riggle are

undercover officers.

Everybody laughing it up at

comedy?

[Cheers]

Yeah? Yeah?

People smoking grass?

You guys, what's that?

Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t.

Everybody know what this is?

Grass!

It's grass.

That's a pound of grass.

That's a pound of grass.

Street value -$2 million.

$2 million.

Pick any problem -what's the

number-one reason for divorce?

Marijuana.

Abortions?

Marijuana.

Volcanoes?

Marijuana.

Who caused hurricane Katrina?

Marijuana.

Why do people become Jewish?

Marijuana.

[Laughter]

[Bell dings]

[Speaking indistinctly over

intercom]

So, anyway, welcome to

Oaksterdam.

Thank you. I love it.

Isn't it awesome?

It's really great.

I usually describe it as

the counterculture's vision of

downtown redevelopment for

Oakland.

My name's Richard Lee, and

I'm the owner of the Bulldog

Coffee Shop and the Oaksterdam

Gift Shop and the publisher of

the Oaksterdam News.

This was the first place, so

it's matured, and things are --

this is the first municipality

to issue permits.

So I think it's a lot more

mature than the other places

that are just now getting clubs

in the first place.

You try to figure out the

overall cannabis market...

analysts rank cannabis as the

number-one cash crop in America,

well above cotton, wheat, and

tobacco, with California

responsible for 1/3 of the

entire country's cannabis supply.

In 2006 alone, estimated sales

from California cannabis

exceeded $12 billion.

If taxed, these sales could have

easily generated over $1 billion

in government revenue.

It's like it would be the new

lottery for California.

Exactly.

That's what I think it's gonna be.

Eventually it's gonna be a lot

like gambling.

SR71 is the first stealth

airplane, so we like to think of

ourselves as a stealth

coffee shop flying below the

federal radar.

We have our medium over on

our second page.

We just keep out one medium at a

time, just usually mediumand

high-grade.

We got all our prices right here

next to the weights so you kind

of know what you're working with.

We keep out three high-grades at

a time.

You can always feel free to take

them out.

You can smell them, squeeze

them -whatever helps you make

a decision.

Let me ask you -you going

to smoke a spliff, ma'am?

Yeah.

All right.

Do we have any marijuana smokers

here in the park today?

[Scattered cheers]

Any law-enforcement officers

here in the park today?

[Laughter]

I asked those in the wrong order.

[Laughter]

I'm a gardener and

landscaper, so I like to help

aids and cancer patients grow

their own medicine to keep the

price down and to just

decentralize the whole economy.

Oaksterdam was basically a

private joke that a few aids

patients used to chuckle about

when the first marijuana club

came here, and most of those

people are now dead.

Most of the original patients

from Oaksterdam have died.

It's called indole-3 acid.

It's basically -it's a hormone.

What it does -it softens up

the plant tissue, and it sort of

sterilizes it at the same time.

And...what'll happen is after a

few days, the tissue's soft, and

little roots will push out.

And it becomes its own little plant.

These were taken on the 15th.

Today's the 22nd, so in seven

days, we have created life.

So, you see the difference

between Indica over there and

Sativa here?

This one's Indica?

Right.

It's these short, squat, big,

fat leaves.

This tall, more branchy, thinner leaf.

This is actually a hybrid.

It's not pure Sativa.

If it was pure Sativa, it would

be even thinner and lankier.

The worst movie to see when

you're high, the worst one ever,

I think, is a motion picture

called "Super High Me."

What the f***?

I just f***ed up my own joke.

"Super Size Me."

Forget -ladies and gentlemen

of the jury...

[cheers and applause]

[Speaking indistinctly]

That's why I'm voting for Shaw

[Both laugh]

Marijuana peace means a lot of

things.

This is Dennis Peron, founder of

the Medical Marijuana Club

movement and many, many things.

Hi!

April 14, 1994 -I'll never

forget this day 'cause the day

before, you called us all up and

said, "we're gonna get arrested

tomorrow."

The chief of police had

called me that day, said he was

going in, busting us.

I said, "look, chief, you can

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