Super High Me Page #6

it is.

[Laughs]

You seem interested enough, but

that's the thing about it is

that's your job is to seem

interested.

This is why I wouldn't ever pay

a therapist 'cause they f***ing

make you go crazy.

[Laughter]

He says to me, "would you like

it if I smoked pot sometime

before our session?"

And then, when you start that

kind of conversation with a

therapist, it just becomes him

going, "well, do you want me to

think that you think that I want

you to be high while I'm high

doing it?"

It gets very convoluted, and I

was already f***ing high.

And I'm pretty sure that he

wasn't.

[Bell dings]

But here's the thing -I find

this place that's like right

next to my home, and they're

doing it on religion.

They're distributing pot as a

religious movement.

So you don't even need a

license.

You just go in and buy it.

Okay, got to be serious.

This is church.

It's time for church.

And in revelation, it talks

about a plant for the healing of

all nations, which cannabis is.

So we're selling weed for the

lord on Hollywood Boulevard.

All right, welcome to temple 420

services today.

Everyone, Doug Benson was on

"last comic standing," and we

invited him to come the other

evening to our comedy, but he

wasn't sure because he doesn't

fully believe in god.

So, he's here to come to the

services and check out

temple 420, our 4:20 services.

He said it so

matter-of-factly.

"And he doesn't believe

so, everybody, there's gonna be

punch and..."

there will be punch.

Do the atheists get punch?

The atheist gets punch, too,

right in the face with the

truth.

[Laughs]

You've never been to our temple

be

we'll just let you know, we're a

Judeo-Christian temple.

You happen to be on Saturday, so

we have the old testament Jewy

thing going on.

You come back tomorrow, we got

the new testament, all right?

So, feel free to come back any

day.

Services are always at 4:20.

I'd like to tell you a joke

'cause I don't think any of the

material up here today has been

aimed at you specifically, but I

think you'd really enjoy this

joke.

Why did the little strawberry

cry?

Because his mother was in a jam.

Me on!

And then they put weed in it,

and everybody got really high.

So, anyway, um...

Saturday and Sunday at 4:20,

right?

And we went today, and I brought

like three or four friends.

And then there were some

children running around and a

couple other dudes.

And there was a whole service

built around why, you know,

since the lord is good and we

love the lord -weed.

[Bell dings]

[Alarm clock beeping]

# Sober #

# I don't know which way to go #

# I'm feeling older #

# a different town, another

show #

that's real nice.

That's real good.

I already see a star is gonna be

the first one.

I'm already feeling it.

And, Doug, what's your guess?

I'm gonna guess star.

First guess is star.

Second card. Holding it up.

I'm gonna guess square.

Square.

Third guess. Hold it up.

Uh...triangle.

Fourth guess. Hold it up.

Circle.

Seven right this time.

The first time, you got one

right, so you've done seven

times better.

However, since you only got

seven out of 25, there's no

evidence of psychic ability.

[Bell dings]

How about medical

prostitution?

'Cause that's something that I

would be interested in.

I don't smoke pot, and I'll join

your fight if you'll join mine.

Yeah, I'll join your fight.

That's an awesome fight.

We're gonna fight prostitutes?

I'm having trouble following

this.

I smoke a lot of pot.

Medical prostitution.

I realize prostitution is

illegal, but I need it for

medical purposes.

I think marijuana is a much,

much, much more victimless crime

than prostitution 'cause

unfortunately the women that do

the prostituting got there

somehow that was probably

terrible.

And you should talk to the

guy that you have to know to get

the prostitute, too.

That guy is way worse than your

guy.

My guy is never -I've never

had a dealer slap me around.

Not yet.

And tell me to wait in the

car.

[Bell dings]

Welcome to Minneapolis.

Thanks.

What's the proper way to address

you -Senator?

That or John.

I don't care.

Whatever you wish.

[Laughs]

Senator John.

I believe you're the first

politician that's been willing

to speak on camera about this

subject.

I was coauthor of several

medical-marijuana bills just

because I had seen and talked to

enough people who were using it

for medical purposes.

But, you know, I'm probably a

perfect example of one who never

tried a cigarette, never smoked

a joint, hasn't done so, and

don't intend to do so.

And I just think that the idea

that government is gonna step in

there and tell every doctor and

patient, no matter how hard

they're hurting, that we're not

gonna let you do this because we

have this other fear that's

nothing related to what you're

doing.

If you talk with somebody

suffering, you know this makes a

difference.

I don't care what fear you have.

It seems to me that you got to

try and do the right thing.

People that need marijuana,

they're not doing it because

it's fun, it's enjoyable, and

it's exciting.

It's something that no other

medication, whether prescribable

or not, can deliver what

marijuana does and can provide

me with the quality of life.

The first time I tried it was

when I was actually 17.

I didn't try it any earlier than

that.

And I just -the first time I

went through chemotherapy was

when I was 17.

And it was actually my mom and

my best friend at the time got

me a little bag and said, "do

it."

And it has helped tremendously

with anxiety, with pain, with

everything.

Personally, I look at you

guys and I say you don't need

it, right?

But I'm not a doctor, okay?

If you went to a doctor and a

doctor has sat down with you and

he's willing to put his license

on the line to say that you guys

need it, nobody else can tell

you whether you need it or not

just because you don't look like

you need it.

The only reason people accept me

for using it is 'cause they see

me in a chair.

Exhibit "a."

Exhibit "b."

Exhibit "c."

# No more will I be afraid #

there's a commercial on now

that's the absolute worst one,

where a young teenage lady --

girl -is melting into a couch.

She's physically melting.

Have you seen it?

Her body is transforming.

She's like, "brraaah."

She's melting, and there's a

girl sitting next to her that

goes, "she smokes pot."

[Laughter]

"This is what she's been like

ever since she started smoking

pot.

This is all we ever do."

Okay, first of all, the girl who

doesn't smoke pot -not exactly

the most f***ing sparkling

personality in the world.

How much of a loser do you have

to be to be the person that's

more boring than the stoner and

has nothing better to do than

sit and watch the stoner melt

and not even f***ing call 911...

[laughter]

...or even 411 to say, "I've got

some interesting information"?

[Laughs]

So, the girl's melting into the

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