Superbad Page #12

That's What guys look like.

- What is your problem?

- You guys knoW a guy named Jimmy?

You totally look like his brother.

You totally

look like his brother, man.

You do.

You promised Becca

you'd get her alcohol.

If you don't, she's gonna have

a shitty night.

That's all I'm saying. Come on.

We bingo, bango, ready to go, go?

- Good luck on your exam tomorroW.

- Good luck on your exam.

- You don't Wanna ride the bus.

- Buses smell like piss, generally.

- You knoW Why?

- Why?

People piss on them.

You knoW, one of you bros could've

come up and sat up With me.

- We're fine back here.

- Back's fine.

Safe in the back seat.

- Oh, my God.

- What's up?

- Hey, Jules.

- Who is it? Who's on the phone?

Seth. Hey, Where are you?

I'm in a cab right noW,

on the Way to a liquor store.

Good. I can't Wait

for you to get here.

Well, I hope your friends

are ready to get f***ed up.

I'm sure they will be.

- Okay, I'll see you soon.

- Peace.

Oh, man! Dude, this is crazy.

She called, she said,

"I can't Wait for you to get there."

That sounds like

she fully Wants it, man! Oh, yeah!

Who's gonna give it to her, huh,

my man? You, that's Who.

Man.

You guys on MySpace, or...?

Officers? I can ansWer those

questions noW if you Want me to.

We get the gist of it. You Were

buying beer, some guys punched you.

Don't Worry about it.

We're not gonna find them.

- Case closed.

- But it Was only--

- But it Was only one guy.

- Only one guy? Sh*t.

HoW am I supposed to

find one guy?

This job really isn't hoW, you knoW,

shoWs like CSI make it out to be.

When I first joined the force, I assumed

there Was semen on everything...

...and there Was some, like,

huge semen database...

...that had every bad guy's semen in it.

There isn't. That doesn't exist.

I often go to sleep and dream of

Waking up in a World Where...

...everything's covered in semen.

- I mean, Who doesn't?

Lt'd be nice.

Like that crime scene today.

If the man had ejaculated

and then punched you...

...We'd have a shot at catching him.

- No Way.

- Just punched in the face, no semen.

- No semen.

- Story of my life.

Michaels here, he's six months in.

He's young,

but the Force is strong With this one.

Learning you are, young padaWan.

Thank you very much.

- That's Yoda.

- Are you familiar With Yoda?

From Attack of the Clones?

We have a 245 at East 24 and

Montgomery, Bailey's Bar and Grill.

Car 98 on it.

See, Michaels, you alWays

take a call at a bar because...

...better or Worse,

you get a beer out of it.

Pretty sWeet, huh?

- True that. Amazing thinking.

- Hey, McLovin.

We got a situation at Bailey's,

so We'll drop you off after, all right?

Actually, I kind of

have to be someWhere--

- SWeet. Sit tight.

- Set course for Bailey's, Warp 10.

Engage.

Yeah.

Welcome to the Thunderdome.

Hey, man, are you sure it's cool

that We're here With you?

Oh, definitely, man.

I'm essentially

best friends With the guy...

...so a bunch of my buds

are coming.

We're gonna rock out

With our c*cks out. Just kidding.

- We are gonna rock out.

- Just go, just go.

What's up? What's up? What's up?

Hello, hello. Hey, guys.

This is something

a smart person Wouldn't do.

Look, just act cool and act casual,

and try and look old.

We'll get the booze

and get the f*** out of here, okay?

Hey, Where the party at? Right.

- You got those shots, bro?

- It's coming.

Come on, let's party.

Come on. Do it up.

We should grab one of these buckets

and get out.

You out of your mind? HoW are We

gonna get a f***ing bucket out?

- Dude, What the f***?

- Hey, man.

What the f*** do you think

you're doing?

- What are you--? What? Nothing.

- You using my phone?

- What do you think you're doing?

- Hang up. Nothing.

What-- What--

What's Wrong, Mark?

You Weren't invited.

Get the f*** out of here.

- Come on, Mark. It's cool, man.

- You using my f***ing phone?

You calling your

f***ing friends again?

You calling your friends,

your fantastic friends?

No. I mean, yes. But I mean I'll--

Come on, man, just relax.

Mark, please.

Get the f*** out of here.

The f*** out of my house.

Get the f*** out of my house.

- This is my house.

- Don't be such a dick, man!

What the f***?

Mark! You really Wanna do this, man?

Here We go.

We're really gonna do this?

That's right, motherf***er.

Come on, p*ssy. Get up, dude.

Oh, sh*t. I'm sorry, bro.

I'm sorry, bro. I'm sorry, bro.

Tiger got out of the cage, man.

All right? I'm sorry. Come on, Mark.

Let's just chill.

Everyone just chill out.

Truce, man.

Right in the nads!

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote