Supercon Page #3

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where are we going?

You guys like barbecue,

crawfish?

I like Applebee's.

Yeah, it's just like that.

You gotta

take a left right here.

Since we're all here, you know,

Sean and I, we do a podcast.

It's called NerdGasm,

F-T-Dub.

- Never miss it.

- Yeah?

- Uh-huh.

- I thought of the name.

We wanted all you guys

to be on it.

Love to.

Allison's gonna

need a small mike.

She likes small mikes.

There's a smaller red one,

or we got a big black one

up here.

MATT:
Kid-size?

- We can see what we got.

- Baby mikes?

ALLISON:
Party size.

Party. There you go.

ALLISON:
Better for anal.

ROBERT:
So is that a yes,

or is that a...

Well, you know

Matt did say we'd do it, so...

Great! Three, two, one.

(EXCITED GIBBERISH)

Oh, check the levels.

Oh, you mean now.

Levels, Sean!

ROBERT:
Hi-yo, you

NerdGasmics, nerd-a-maniacs,

- tuning into our podcast...

- BOTH:
For the win!

As always, it's your boy

Hot Rob and the Seanster.

- 'Sup.

- Coming to you live

from the cockpit

of the shuttle craft.

- You say cock?

- I didn't say cock.

Cock-a-doodle-do,

we are right here, gentlemen.

(FUTURISTIC ENGINE WHIRRING)

What the f***?

- (LAUGHS)

- Look at this piece of sh*t.

This doesn't look

like Applebee's.

Hey, nice ride,

Captain Kirk.

Set your phasers to fag.

- (LAUGHS)

- Whoo!

Hey, man, sorry!

We gotta go! Bye-bye!

Yeah!

I think you dropped this.

(LAUGHS)

Queers.

F*** you.

Dude, what the f***

was that, man?

That guy looked like my dad.

I don't need that sh*t, man.

- F*** you, man.

- That was ball cancer kid?

Aw, f***.

Called respect.

Respect.

Ball cancer got balls.

Respect!

F***! That was my last beer.

ALLISON:
There's been

a rumor going around

that Dragon-Con

was robbed of 100 grand

by some guys dressed up

like stormtroopers.

KEITH:
New Hope

or Force Awakens?

- ALLISON:
Does it matter?

- KEITH:
It matters.

New Hope, okay?

Stay with me.

It's an urban legend.

Bullshit. I heard it

from a very reliable source.

Her pot dealer.

Medical marijuana provider.

What's the story?

Evidently the guy,

or guys, walked in

and held up the con office,

like Pulp Fiction.

They grabbed the cash,

and then they escaped

by slipping into

the big cosplay parade

that takes over

downtown Atlanta every year.

They timed it so perfectly...

They blended in seamlessly

with the 501st Legion.

Clean getaway.

(TIRES SCREECH)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, f***.

Not this f***ing guy.

Here?

I gotta throw a piss.

- GIL:
Look who that is.

- KEITH:
How do you throw a piss?

- ADAM:
Oh!

- BROCK:
You leave a piss.

- ALLISON:
Maybe he doesn't hold it.

- KEITH:
You throw a party.

Oh, my God.

Maybe it's a piss party.

- (KICKS CHAIR)

- Hadji!

What kinda trouble

you getting into now, son?

Oh, you're not eating pork,

are you, Mahar?

Aren't all the other cabbies

gonna get pissed

that you're chowing down

on the sacred cow?

Cow, pork, same thing, right?

F***ing idiot.

Oh, Allison,

looking stunning as usual.

Brock Hutchinson,

you old queen.

What are you doing hanging out

with the supporting cast, huh?

(LAUGHING)

I haven't seen

an a**hole this big

since Andy Dick's

Christmas party.

- Good call.

- Yeah.

Hey, listen, Adam,

we're about to leave.

Excuse me,

are you Adam King?

- Hold on, hold on.

- Adam Future Force King?

Not right now, player.

Not right now.

Good eye, kid.

Can I shake...

- Gil, it's okay.

- I can't...

It's okay, Gil, it's okay.

I just wanna...

Oh, my God.

- Sir, I'm an actor too.

- Where did he come from?

I've learned so much

from watching your shows.

Do you teach an acting class

or something?

- We'd love to take it.

- F*** me.

ADAM:
I'll give you one

for free.

From one great actor

to another actor,

those that can't, teach.

I learned everything I needed

from the streets, kid.

Is it true that you

turned down

the role of John McClane

in Die Hard?

Let me tell you something.

The King can't be upstaged

by a skyscraper.

Ah! Nakatomi ain't got nothing

on the King.

Well, you just keep doing

that awesome thing you do.

Got no other choice, kid.

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, dude!

Come on, man!

All right, come on. Let's

get something to eat, huh?

You'll never make it, Wheeler.

- Never in life.

- Let's get some chow, huh?

I suggest we get outta here.

- Let's go see DJ Chardonnay.

- Copy that.

What a f***ing racist,

homophobic prick.

He used to do the same sh*t to me

on set when I was 10 years old.

He'll get his.

Might be sooner

rather than later.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

WOMAN:
(ON RADIO) And she's

gonna tell us all about

her favorite hat pattern.

- WOMAN 2:
Oh, thank you!

- WOMAN:
Good to have you on the show.

WOMAN 2:
It's nice to

meet you, finally.

I've been working on this

for a while.

It's a basket-weave hat,

like you make the basket-weave

for the baby blankets.

Well, I have always

loved that pattern.

All right,

I got something

that's gonna turn

this night around.

All I'm offering

is the truth.

Nothing more.

How can we refuse?

Brock?

Mmm. I'm in.

What are they?

Does it matter?

Swear to God,

if this is Viagra,

we're gonna find out if Brock's

a power bottom or not.

(CHUCKLES)

(FOOTSTEPS ECHOING)

(SLOW MOTION ROARING)

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

ANNOUNCER:

Attention, Supercon,

the Klingon linguistics panel

has been changed to...

(SPEAKING KLINGON)

You look like hammered sh*t.

I think I might've f***ed

a chicken last night.

Been there.

It's all a blur. The last

thing I remember is...

The Dixie Pig.

From last night.

Motherf***er!

You know, you're a real

f***ing a**hole.

Guess that barbecue sauce is

going to leave a mark, Hadji.

Don't f*** with the King.

Yeah.

(CHANTING) Ball cancer kid.

Ball cancer kid.

Ball cancer kid.

Ball cancer kid.

Ball cancer kid.

Ball cancer kid.

Ball cancer kid.

Ball cancer kid.

Ball cancer kid.

Ball cancer kid.

I'm telling you, man,

he f***ed a chicken.

Wasn't pretty.

What you do, I guess.

Mm. Ned Stark, right?

And that 'fro is on fire,

my man.

Keep it hard, Mr. Cronin.

Keep it hard.

How you feeling?

Day two, guys.

How are you doing?

Oh, hey, it's big day.

You know,

lots of people to meet,

lots to get signed.

I missed you guys last night.

- We could've used you.

- Really?

ANNOUNCER:
Attention, security,

please report to section three.

Oh, no, whoa.

That's King's section.

- How the f*** do you know that?

- (ROBERT SCOFFS)

I mean, come on, if there's

anything I know this weekend,

it's who's at what table.

(SCOFFS)

This guy.

ANNOUNCER:
Security,

report to section three.

Oh, sh*t.

Ball cancer kid!

Ball cancer kid!

Ball cancer kid!

Ball cancer kid!

- F*** you!

- Hey, what the f*** is wrong...

That's the last time, Hadji.

You piece of sh*t!

Not the face!

Not the... You...

You f***ing...

Stop it, stop it!

- Break it up.

- (GRUNTING)

GIL:
Stop it!

Come on, man. Break it up!

Stop! Stop it!

Eww.

Oh, no.

That's barbecue sauce?

Keith and King got in a fight.

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