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mediocre, like everyone else.

That's pride... I know I hurt

all those who love me.

There's a girl, I think she loves me.

I don't want to lose her.

Although...

I believe I have a vocation.

At the monastery I was told to wait,

to listen to my inner voice.

Maybe it's a means of escape,

not a vocation?

Stop!

Whose brainchild was that?

He's acting oddly, is he stoned?

Can't exist without dope.

He takes stuff regularly?

With scientific precision.

What do you mean?

He reads, experiments, tries various

mixes, looks at films, videos...

- Has he seen that?

- Of course.

Can I borrow it?

It's an old film.

Never mind.

- Thanks.

- You're welcome.

I'll let you have it back in two days.

That's enough.

Enough, I said.

Playback.

Keep him quiet.

Gimme a pain killer!

You're stoned as it is.

The needle!

In a hurry to croak?

Good thing he didn't do it.

You saw how much he'd taken.

I wouldn't have risked it either.

Small doses are less risky?

I see you're interested.

Can you tell?

Return the video to this address.

To make a diagnosis, spinal fluid taken

from the patient...

is injected into a spider.

The injected fluid appears to cause

irregularities in the spider's web.

The German researcher, Peter Witt,

believes specific irregularities...

...occur when the patient suffers

from schizophrenia.

Paranoid Schizophrenia

Working or amusing yourself.

- Am I disturbing you?

- No.

I'm afraid.

Will you have to give people

electric shocks?

It's not done any longer.

Thank God.

There are chemical alternatives.

It comes to the same thing.

Does it help?

I suppose so.

How is it possible for human beings

to suffer so much?

Must you understand?

Were you promised that?

I wasn't.

And you accept that.

You work with the disabled and

don't question their fate?

You accept it.

Sometimes.

Maybe it's you who should

join a monastery.

No, I'm too fond of certain things.

- What things?

- Making love to my wife.

We're about to do that.

Good luck.

Why do you say that?

To make me envy you?

Yes, because you don't like yourself,

your body... and that's foolish.

I wouldn't talk like this if you

were about to take your vows.

But since you're not,

think how much you're losing.

What am I losing?

What are you talking about?

Renouncing pleasure means loss?

You're driven by pride.

You equate the search for perfection

with pride?

In your case, yes.

What gives you the right to say that?

What have you done for others,

for Hanka?

You think praying is enough.

So-called mystical experiences

originate in the brain's limbic system.

Such states are regulated by what

are known as neurotransmittors.

LSD for example.

Well?

I don't know.

I haven't tried LSD.

And I can't attain such states

through prayer.

A total flop.

It isn't a joke.

Don't take it to heart.

Doesn't it make you wonder?

Not particularly.

All sensations have their

physiological basis.

So why not contact with God?

I'm not surprised you can induce

illusions with drugs.

How do you know they are illusions?

I suppose they are.

Can we watch the rest?

That's all there is.

Go to the dean if you want

more time off.

It has nothing to do with

your professor.

But if you had a word with him,

he'd have a word with the dean...

Can't you settle it without

all these 'words '?

I've had special leave before.

Why do you need all this time off?

I can't make up my mind.

I haven't found my vocation.

You're sure you have a vocation?

Surely everyone has a vocation.

You're religious, I believe.

Well, yes.

Then you have ready solutions.

Of course not!

It poses problems.

You must explain that to me.

If you don't believe in God you're

responsible only to yourself.

I feel I'm responsible to somebody.

I don't know if He has called me

to serve Him exclusively...

or in everyday life,

as a doctor, like you.

Exclusively means as a priest?

Yes. I want to test myself and

spend a year in a monastery.

I went to see the brother who acted

as consultant for that film.

He sends his regards and says

he's ready to come any time.

It was he who told you to take leave?

No.

But since I'm not sure,

I don't want to burn my bridges.

At present I don't know anything.

I'm not religious but I know

a certain precept:

'Thy will be done'

If you believe in Him, trust Him.

If you're granted leave, it means

that is His will.

Incredible.

You say you don't believe and yet

you understand.

There's a difference between

'belief and 'understanding',

Your patient. He's better.

No. Not ill yet.

If that's what you want, go ahead.

A year, if you like.

Tell me if I'm to wait.

Because if you set me free

I can arrange my life.

It's not blackmail, I'm just asking.

I don't want to stand in your way.

If you're really going to be saintly,

I don't want to spoil anything.

It's good of you to take it like that.

I can't tie you down.

For my own good?

A chance to find someone else?

How generous of you!

To love someone means to care

for the other's wellbeing.

How do you know what's good

for me?

Maybe I should take the veil,

Like Clare of Assisi?

- If you have a vocation...

- You've found yours at last?

You only hesitate, like Hamlet.

Maybe you don't know

what you want?

Maybe life scares you?

Or maybe you're scared of women,

while I think you so holy...

Or do you really you prefer boys?

And are simply running away?

Hanka, what's up?

It's nothing.

We'll take the other camera.

I'm sorry.

So am I.

I'd no right to say that.

I'm in turmoil too, I'm sorry.

I don't want to complicate

your life, believe me.

I'll cope.

But I don't want you to be a victim...

of my heart-searching.

Fine.

Go and comune with yourself.

- What about leave?

- I haven't heard.

Dr Berg promised to help.

It won't be a problem.

No problem.

Yes, there is.

I still haven't found the voice

that will tell me what to do.

- I'm to tell you?

- No.

I mean the inner voice that something

else persists in drowning.

- I do, you mean?

- It's not your fault.

I myself complicate and spoil

everything.

Not for long, I hope.

How long is 'not for long'?

- I'll know when I've seen the dean.

- When will that be?

There's a congress on now. Later.

The dean is to decide our fate?

What dean?

Who then?

He on whom all being depends.

God? He gave us free will.

I want to act in accordance with

His will.

Then find out what He wants.

The second bathroom...

Why did you...

I'm sorry, I slipped.

Why did you come here alone?

Bath-time was earlier.

There's nobody here now.

There never is. All nurses are busy.

I'll manage. It was the first time.

I want to have a bath, please help me.

I saw you on television.

Did you hear me as well?

It was a repeat of last year's concert.

They don't usually broadcast serious

music, let alone something modern.

My mother's here mostly.

She spends hours in hospital.

But being so dependent,

even on my mother,

is beginning

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