Suplement Page #3

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to be irksome.

I lost my mother long ago.

Maybe this will surprise you,

but I envy you.

Shall we stop being so formal?

When you're alone, you're only

responsible for yourself.

My mother has noone but me.

What will she do when I die?

Why do you say, die?

You're receiving treatment.

You ought to go on hoping.

I 'ought to' but I needn't.

I know the diagnosis. It's my turn.

The end is near.

Do you believe in God?

No, I never have.

I prefer it that way.

I believe there's nothing

on the other side,

so there's nothing to be

afraid of.

You're religious?

Yes.

If you believed there was someone

who loves you, who is love,

you would feel better.

Mother's love oppresses me.

I suffer and so does she.

Would I really feel better?

Perhaps, but what of it? Is it true?

Is faith therapy or truth?

Truth.

You want to try?

Not yet.

But who knows?

- Filip enjoyed it.

- Shall I pull you up?

Pull up yourself.

There you are.

You're not serious but I am.

What am I to do about Filip?

Rather what can Filip do

about himself?

He sets his sights too high.

Wants to do more than he can.

But it's not a bad thing to want to

live your life to the max.

That's the real issue.

He wants to do more in life than

chase money in the rat-race.

It's for that I love him.

I wish you both well.

Him above all as he's my brother.

And you too, because he loves you.

But I believe he might struggle like

this for many years.

He could ruin your life.

Have you enough time to wait for him?

And enough strength?

You think I should look for

a life of my own?

You won't drag him to the altar

by force.

Especially as you'll be struggling

against the Almighty.

Is your belief as firm as his?

It's different. No man's belief

is quite like another's.

He doesn't want us to live together

without being married.

I know he'll be opposed to

contraception...

and insist on natural methods.

He won't.

Because we won't get married.

Your advice was good.

I advised you?

No, it simply became clear to me.

If he disappears again to search for his

vocation, he doesn't need me.

Have you spoken to the professor?

Yes, but about myself.

My request hasn't even been filed.

Is that a sign I'm to stay?

A sign from whom?

From God.

It looks as if he doesn't want me

in his exclusive service.

No reason why you can't enter

a monastery as a doctor.

No, either doctor or priest.

I must settle it.

Are you leaving?

You could call it that.

I'll help you to the car.

I must call at the morgue.

There are two patients whom I

assisted in departing from this world.

You're joking.

No.

You made a mistake?

The mistake was made when

the Lord created us.

According to the Bible, God created

man to be immortal.

Adam sinned and that's why he died.

If I got hold of that Adam...

Do you believe in the resurrection

of the body?

If you do, don't worry.

The soul's already far away.

- Too loudly?

- A little.

What are you listening to?

Is this a wake?

That's right.

I like the music.

Yes.

Have you ever wondered why we're

alive while others aren't?

You think it's unjust?

Maybe the dead are better off?

What about your disabled patients,

condemned to vegetate?

They're not condemned.

Rot, they live like vegetables.

- You know how vegetables live?

- I do.

Maybe they aren't unhappy?

My head's swimming.

Go to bed. And blow out the candles

or you'll start a fire.

Why do you say that?

I'm to knock my head against

a wall too?

I'd like to try.

- Never experimented?

- No.

Begin with grass.

No.

Give me something that'll help me...

to reach a state I can't attain

otherwise.

LSD?

There's better stuff now.

I want to try.

Can you afford it?

What?

Oh, you mean money? How much?

A lot.

But for you, the first time's for free.

You're taking a big risk.

One can become addicted

after the first time.

The affinity of certain proteins in

the brain... you learnt the stuff.

I did.

You'll not be the same man.

I don't want to be the same man!

What desperation!

- Well, you want it?

- I do.

'Please' would sound nicer.

Please.

In the cupboard, you know what.

Do I swallow it?

What now?

Nothing. Wait.

Sometimes it takes several hours.

You need the light?

I was on night duty, I'd like to sleep.

I'll cover my head.

I'll turn it off if you like.

In any case, I'm going out.

- It doesn't bother me.

- I must check something.

- At work?

- No.

Go back to sleep.

You don't remember?

Some vague images.

No revelation?

No.

You don't remember taking off,

flying like a bird?

What flying?

Come and see, we have it on tape.

Don't worry, it was the first time.

It's a question of trial and error.

The error's been committed.

I'm beginning to fear myself.

Your ID.

Where are you registered?

In Warsaw?

This place is not for you.

Go home or get dried out.

I've no home and I'm not drunk.

Can't you see I've reached

rock bottom?

Find yourself a free bunk.

He's gone away?

I don't know. Something at college.

I'm worried.

Did he talk to you?

No.

We split up.

I'm sorry.

For him or for me?

For both of you.

You enjoy your work.

I envy you. I'm tired of television,

commercials, costumes.

I'd rather do something meaningful.

- Why don't you then?

- I don't know.

I thought I'd make some money,

but it's ridiculous. I've no time.

What would you like to do?

Something like your job.

Well, try.

I did. I worked in a hospice.

But they don't pay you.

Here they hardly pay either.

I earn extra at the climbing wall.

You see?

My idea was to put by some money

and go back to voluntary work.

Better not put by anything.

Money or plans.

If you want to live, live today.

If it needs doing, do it for love.

Otherwise it's no good.

I'm sorry I didn't meet you earlier.

And even sorrier I met your brother.

His life is no life at all.

He puts everything off.

Did you tell him that?

Yes, not firmly enough, I expect,

because I lost.

You think so?

No, I know it.

I can't pray. I'm only mouthing

the words. What can I do?

Maybe you should consult

a psychiatrist.

It's my soul that's in trouble,

not my psyche. I'm losing my soul.

A human being has a soul.

Only the animal is left in me.

God has deserted me.

God never deserts anyone;

it's we who desert Him.

Could I stay overnight?

I didn't sleep at all last night.

I don't want to force my way back.

May I ask where you're going?

You may but I shan't tell you.

But someone knows?

Nobody knows.

I'll be anxious.

Rightly so. I'm anxious too.

But all is in God's hands and

He wants what is best for me.

Provided you don't oppose His will.

I expect you can stay one night.

I'll ask for permission.

Are you studying?

Externally.

Then you have to pay.

Will the diploma be any use?

No.

Is it worth it then?

- You here alone?

- Another girl's on night-shift.

You want to make love?

Why not?

Then let's.

Got anything to put on?

- No.

- In the bathroom.

On the washbasin.

- What's up?

- I'm sorry.

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