Svengali Page #5

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The doctor said

it's not looking too good, love.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no! No!

- Don't get upset, love.

- Bollocks!

(SOBBING) You'll get me going, too.

I'll call you back later.

No, no, Mam, Mam. I don't mean you. Mam?

F***ing hell, Dix!

What, like I got nothing better to do

with my time? Are we coming or not?

I'll sort it, Horse. Don't worry.

Right, yeah. Cheers, Dix. Thanks very much.

And it's f***ing Bri...

Chuffing parking ticket.

I got to go back to Wales, love.

- What?

-It's my dad. He's been taken ill.

What did she say? Is he in hospital?

(SIGHS) She didn't say.

No, look, look, just calm down a minute.

You can't go back to Wales tonight, Dix.

You know that.

- Yeah, loan...

- Yeah, no, listen.

If he was really, really ill

and she thought it was critical,

then she'd tell you, wouldn't she?

You've got a band.

You've got to do this tonight.

You can't let them down.

You can't let yourself down,

and your dad won't want you to do that.

- All right?

- Yeah.

Don't worry. He'll be fine.

Yeah, I'll give him a call as well a bit later on.

Yeah, we'll call him on the way

and we can sort it all.

It's all okay. She's just panicking and she's...

You know, we'll find out what's going on.

- All right.

- All right?

Yeah.

Do you know how much I love you?

- How much?

- More than Wales.

- Shut up.

- I do, honestly.

- Come on, I'll race you to the van.

- All right.

(BICYCLE BELL RINGING)

SHELL:
Dixie!

DIXIE; What?

SHELL:
You nearly killed him!

DIXIE:
Who?

SHELL:
The f***ing man on the bike!

DIXIE:
I didn't see him!

JAKE:
You got a light?

Anyone got a light?

You're wearing that again, are ya?

So you're wearing that again,

that same outfit?

- You're wearing that again, are ya?

- Aye. ls there a f***ing problem with that?

There is a bit, yeah, 'cause you wear it

all the time, boss. It's all you ever wear.

Are you a f***ing stylist now, are ya?

SHELL:
Put it top up, there.

Been wearing it for f***ing ages. It stinks.

It's fine. Your f***ing mother

washed it the other night.

Oh, f***, at least I've got a mother.

Why are you being such a f***ing dick, man?

Why are you f***ing such a dick, man?

- What is your problem?

- Shut the f*** up, Yoko.

- Who do you think you are, man?

-(ALL SHOUTING)

F***ing shut the f*** up.

All right, you f***ing dick, watch your talk.

- F***ing son of...

- Tommy, ignore him.

F*** you!

- Stop it! Stop! Stop!

- F***ing dick!

- You f***ing stupid slag!

- Stop! Stop it!

Tommy and Jake are having a fight.

They're always fighting.

No, no, proper fight.

Like, punch in the face, smashed glass.

- A real fight?

- Real fight. Real fight.

(SHOUTING)

(SCREAMING)

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Tommy!

- F*** off me!

Hang on. Shut up, all right? All right,

all right, calm down. What's happened?

He's a f***ing animal.

He's f***ing out of the band, Dix.

Jesus! Just stay with them. Stay with them,

stay with them. Jesus Christ!

- SHELL:
What happened?

- He just punched him for no reason.

BURNSY:
Chav!

Guitarist went that way.

F*** me pink!

BURNSY:
Snapped my banjo string once.

Claret everywhere. Dirty Debbie, it was.

Yeah, '95.

Yeah. Think she's a lesbian now.

DIXIE:
Tommy!

Tommy, can you hear me?

Tommy!

Tommy!

Tommy.

- Are you trying to play football?

- Better than you, boss.

You're English. You can't play football, man.

You're Welsh, man.

(SIGHS)

Do you know one thing about this place?

There's no mountains. Or hills.

Do you know what I mean? No perspective.

I miss that.

I bet you miss the sheep and all, don't ya?

I do. Just don't tell Shell.

So what's the matter?

Just get a bit nervous, Dix, man.

Bad nerves, like?

Nerves are good.

Bad nerves are good.

Way back, when we were cavemen,

it's the ones with bad nerves,

did all right, didn't they?

Do you ever sleep?

When I've had some weed, yeah.

Some weed?

(CHUCKLES)

Can't have any now. Got to play.

And the girls out there, I'll tell you what,

queuing around the block for you.

- Shoreditch girls as well.

- Oh, yeah.

All out for you. Tommy Collins.

-(GRUNTS)

- F***ing hell, Dixie, you mad bastard.

See? Good nerves.

I'll show you how to kick a football properly.

The Welsh way, all right?

You lot can't play football, man.

Leave it there, mate.

I'm like a young Mark Hughes.

Watch us now.

Ready?

TOMMY:
Wanker!

DIXIE:
Oh, that's... Tommy.

What do you think they are, rugby posts,

you bellend?

I'll race you after three.

One, two, three, go!

- You bastard.

-(DIXIE LAUGHS)

I know them all, you know.

Shaun, Bez, Rowetta.

- Yeah. All of 'em.

- Hang on, pal.

Hey. Heard the mix tape, mate. Mega. Yeah.

All real. Yeah.

- You play the bass, don't you?

- Yeah, man.

Great instrument, that. Yeah.

Well, I like Paul Simonon.

They here for you?

I think so, fellow.

F***ing hell.

I know him, yeah. Paul. Paulie.

I call him Paulie. We're like that.

You know what I mean?

From the Clash, innit.

(SCATTING)

- You know that one? Want a livener?

- No, mate.

No, you're sure?

Yeah, good gear, you know.

Give your dentist nightmares. Yeah.

Brian Horse plus one? And a half.

Nothing down, sorry.

Yeah, there is. Look again.

Look, I got to go in there, right?

Look, if your name's not on there,

there's nothing I can do, mate.

Got a situation. Quick.

- Salmon, give me a pen.

- What do you need a pen for?

What do you need a pen for? Shut up.

Just a bit of fun.

NATASHA:
Oh, don't be a dick.

-(GIGGLES) He is there, look. "horsey."

-(BOTH LAUGHING)

DIXIE:
Come on, boys.

- Come on, come on, come on, come on.

- CROWD:
Prems! Prems!

Listen, it's packed out there.

There's people being turned away

and they're out on the street.

Let's do this thing, let's just do it.

Give me one minute, okay?

Give me one minute.

(CROWD CHANTING)

- Carl?

- Hi.

Listen, thanks for coming in, mate.

You liked the tape, yeah?

The tape?

- The tape I sent you.

- The tape! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

- Yes. Do you like it?

- Love it!

Brilliant. Listen, do me a massive favour.

Can you introduce the band?

- Oh, mate, you know...

- Please, come on, Carl.

They're massive fans. We're all massive fans.

No, no, you don't understand.

Dixie put me on the list.

- I understand loud and clear.

- You can ask him and all.

If your name's not on my list,

management says

you're not coming in the club.

Alan, how you doing?

You all right? You all right?

What's going on with these guys, man?

What, are you not on the list?

Has Dixie not put you on the list?

I thought...

These guys have come from America, man.

Where is he?

Well, I don't know. I saw him earlier on.

He blanked me, you know.

I had to pay to get in.

He's a dick.

This round-up there,

I think it's for the other band.

All right, tell him...

I'm just beyond pissed off, dude.

Sorry about that, Alan.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Ladies and gentlemen,

it is a great pleasure,

I humbly introduce to you

the only band in London worth listening to.

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