Sweet Sixteen Page #2

- Hello.

- Get in.

Stop staring.

Who's the bird, Chantelle?

The bird can speak for herself,

wee man.

- It's Suzanne.

- That's a nice name.

That's my brother Liam

and his pal Pinball.

I met Suzanne

at my night class.

- What night class?

- The call center one.

- It's that one we were gonna join.

- It's that 0800 one.

Where are you going?

There's no rush.

Sit down.

- I can make tea.

- No. It's all right.

Chantelle, I'll phone you.

I'll phone you

if I can get your number.

See you later.

What are you like?

Has she left?

Don't go to the window.

Is she there?

- Is she there?

- Hey, man, look at that.

Get away

from the window.

No, Calum,

we need to see this.

- What have you done?

- I'm telling you, I tripped.

You didn't trip.

Turn around.

- What happened to you?

- I fell.

You did not fall.

This'll sting.

Easy, Chantelle.

You haven't asked me

about Mum yet.

I don't need

to ask about her.

If you're good for wee Calum,

you can stay.

No, I'll pay my way.

Don't you listen?

If you're good for wee Calum,

you can stay.

And I won't be playing

social workers.

I won't be taken

for a ride.

We share the cooking

and the housework.

There will be no swearing.

It's bad for Calum.

There will be no smoking.

It's bad for Calum.

No farting-- bad for Calum.

Turn around.

They won't take you

back at school?

That's one way

of putting it.

What about

the Children's Panel?

I'm not up for a review

'til Mum gets out.

Why don't you come

to my call center class?

It doesn't cost nothing.

And they might take you on

when you're 16.

Pinball might be a priest, eh?

Look at the state of you.

Look at yourself.

You gonna get yourself

sorted out?

Liam, look at me.

You gonna sort

yourself out?

- Aye.

- Promise me?

Get it, get it,

get it.

Calum, my man.

Who's that pal?

Is that daft Pinball?

Where did you get that?

Pinball's been driving about looking

for one with a child seat all day.

No chance.

Chantelle will kill us.

No, she won't.

How she gonna find out?

Calum, are you coming in?

Course you are. Come on.

Come with Pinball,

won't you?

I mean it,

none of your crap.

If she finds out,

she'll go mad.

Go.

Ready, Calum?

Are you all right,

wee man?

You're a prick.

F***ing get hold of it.

You f***ing idiot!

- We've got the wee man in the back.

- Calm down, it was miles away.

- You all right, wee man?

- Sorry, Calum.

For f***'s sake.

What are you f***ing

turning it up for?

Here, here, stop here.

Hold on, Calum.

I'll be back in a minute.

- Where are you going?

- I'm gonna look at this place.

Where are you going?

Six grand.

It's all right, man.

What are you doing?

Oh look at it, man.

I'm gonna look at this.

Look at that, man.

Two bedrooms,

telly, microwave.

You'd get six

around that table, no bother.

Oh, look at that view, man.

Oh, yes, man.

This is the stuff. Imagine being here

at night with a clear sky.

Fishing rod. Couple of cans,

couple of hens as well.

Suzanne to keep

you company.

No c*nt telling you

what to do.

Year's supply of pizzas.

Oh, lovely.

Mum would love this, after all that time

cooped up in that f***ing cell.

Paradise, man.

All right, Mum,

it's your handsome wee boy here,

sending you a tape

to cheer you up.

I'm sitting here

with a few of the boys--

Pinball, Nighttime,

Sidekick-Joint employees

of the month.

The fastest pizza slingers

in the west.

"And that's official,

by the way!"

Me and Pinball

were in the country today.

See this wee place we found.

Right by the water.

Brilliant for a picnic, Mum.

I'm gonna take you there

as soon as you get out.

Just 10 more weeks,

we'll be together.

- What was it like, Pinball?

- A lovely view. You'd love it, Jean.

As soon as you're out,

I'm gonna take you there.

Your wee man's doing brilliant.

What a laugh he is.

- All right, boys?

- All right.

- I'll see you later. I need to go home.

- Hold on.

I'm making a cassette for my ma.

You want to say hello?

- No bother.

- Go on, Suzy.

Hello, my name's Suzanne.

I hope to meet you soon

and good luck.

See you later.

What's all the fuss about?

What are you all doing?

Where are you going?

Is she there?

Oh, there she is.

- Pinball, come on.

- Is she not stunning?

You got the night lenses

on them glasses?

I know, stunning.

Pinball, that's the best sight

you could ever imagine.

- I'll be having that sight soon.

- You wish.

- She'll be mine.

- Sidekick, say something.

Hope your porridge

isn't too lumpy, Jean.

What? I'm serious.

What are you all laughing at?

A lass is getting changed

in the house over there.

- Let us see.

- No, she's away.

She's away,

it's all right.

- What did you see?

- Nothing. Not a thing.

- See her tits?

- No.

There's your dad

with your grandpa.

- He's not my f***ing dad, all right?

- Stan, then. Sorry, mate.

- He could be your dad.

- F***ing shut up!

F***ing arsehole.

- Who's that?

- That's Slobodan.

- Who?

- Slobodan McTavish.

- Who's that?

- Scullion, you f***ing d*ckhead.

Hold these.

I'm gonna wind this c*nt up.

Your grandpa?

How the f*** would my granddad

have a phone?

- Look at him.

- Give me them.

Hello, Stan speaking.

What can I do for you?

Excuse me, sir. Can I interest you

in some double-glazing windows?

Not today, son.

What about a fitted

kitchen, then?

I've told you, I don't want f*** all.

You know what I mean?

What about our new top

of the range d*ldos?

Because you sound

like a bit of a cock-jockey.

Who the f*** are you, little...

C*nt?!

Look, he's f***ing angry.

- Think he knew it was me?

- No.

He's passing Scullion

some dough.

That means

they're gonna get a delivery.

F***'s sake.

F***ing dancer, wee man.

This is our score.

I know where

they stash the drugs.

- We could get it, no bother.

- What are you talking about?

The gear,

I know where it is.

You wanna break

into Stan's house?

Yeah, get the gear.

You're nuts.

Don't be stupid.

What's wrong with you?

You know how to cut it.

I may be daft, but I'm not dumb.

It's a daft idea.

I could get

a caravan for my ma.

I know your ma,

but I'm not even thinking about this.

- We're getting nowhere with the fags.

- I'm happy with the fags.

We're getting f***ing coppers.

Look at the state of this place.

- I know the state of it.

- Think of the caravan.

The f***ing money

we're gonna get here.

Look, mate,

this is big f***ing bucks.

The caravan, plus plenty left.

We won't get near it

with the money we have.

What, 50-50?

- F***ing 50-50. What do you think?

- I should think so.

- So where do they stash it?

- Under a board.

- In the house?

- No, in the kennel with the dogs.

The dogs?

I'm definitely not doing it now.

Oh, f*** off.

The f***ing dogs are there.

- You're a f***ing shitbag.

- You said you'd get rid of them.

F***ing move.

Hairy Balls. Here, boy.

It's not worth it.

They'll rip you apart.

F***ing shush.

Come here.

Here, boy.

Come here.

No Balls, here, girl.

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