Swept Away Page #3

- I warned you about the current.

Give me your sweater.

Jesus!

- What've you been doing in that?

- I'm a fisherman, and it's my sweater.

I go fishing in it.

So it smells of fishes.

Fascinating.

If they were coming,

they would have passed us.

Maybe they decided to go

around the island.

It's not funny anymore!

I want to go back to the yacht.

We can't go back just because

you want us to.

- We must be rescued or fix the engine.

- Fix it, then!

Great.

Look at this mess I'm in.

Why has this

happened to me?

Oh, God. Peppe?

Giuseppe?

Mr. Esposito? Mr. Esposito!

You miss me?

I wanted...

I wanted to know

if a storm was coming.

I can't see land anymore.

Why haven't they come for me?

The sea is big.

It could take a while.

A while. What's a while?

There must be something in this

plastic bath toy.

I can't believe you came out here

without a cell phone!

What the f*** is this, Popeye?

A submarine?

Be careful. Don't shoot.

- Why do you have a gun?

- It's a flare gun.

A flare gun?

Hiding anything else?

- This isn't my boat. Give it to me.

- No.

Where is God when you need him?

What are you doing?

Trying to save us from dying

of thirst and hunger.

- What?

- Eat it.

Can't you wrap it in rice or something?

Here's a bit of salt.

How is that?

It's disgusting!

Why did you do that?

I could have eaten it myself!

It took me hours to catch!

Calm down.

You're embarrassing yourself.

Besides, fasting is good for you.

It's a spiritual thing.

Spirits?

Are you serious? We're not fasting.

We are f***ing starving!

Don't you swear at me.

Oh, my God!

God. Out of my way!

Out of my way!

Come on, shoot! Shoot!

- Give it to me.

- I know what I'm doing! Get off me!

- At least we won't die of thirst!

- Great. We'll just drown instead!

Land!

Wake up, Guido!

Land! Land!

Paddle! Paddle!

Don't rush. You'll hurt yourself.

Forgive me for being in a rush

to get to civilization.

I can't believe I found land.

The adventure is over.

The adventure is just starting

for you, my friend!

Wait till my lawyer speaks

to your captain.

What's wrong, madam?

We're saved, you should be happy.

"Madam," is it now?

Changed our tune now that

we're on land, haven't we?

- Wait here while I look around.

- So you can forget about me?

No chance, sailor.

I'm afraid your lawyer

will have to wait!

What? I can't hear you!

No lawyers here!

Where there's a phone,

there's a lawyer!

No phones either!

Why?

Because we have landed

on a deserted island!

Deserted?

Nothing. No lawyers. No phones.

No gyms. Nothing.

That's impossible, you idiot.

It's not 1492, for God's sake.

Just call me an idiot

one more time...

You're wrong!

I am not a child.

If I say it's deserted, it's deserted.

- I don't believe you.

- It's a fact.

My ass. Where there is life,

there are people.

Not here. There are many little

deserted islands around here.

Get up there and check again!

- No. I had a good look before.

- It's not your place to argue with me.

You f***ed up the engine. Got us lost.

Made me sink the dinghy.

You can't navigate!

F*** it! I can't reason

with a hairy, black midget.

- What did you call me?

- Nothing.

- I want to know what you said.

- Nothing.

- Did you call me a midget?

- No.

So, what did you call me?

I called you a hairy, black midget!

Your tongue has the grace

of the gutter.

- Watch your mouth!

- You threatening me?

F***ing right. Listen carefully, Mrs.

I- Have-a-big-time-drug-baron-husband.

I'm fed up! I do what I like,

and you do what you like.

- Now, f*** off!

- Oh, boy.

- You are gonna regret this.

- F*** yourself!

- Dig a deeper grave!

- F*** yourself, b*tch!

- Come on! Give me more! More!

- Slut!

- What did you call me?

- A whore, a slut!

You are a mongrel dog!

A hybrid of something dark,

disgusting and tiny!

Let the rich b*tch look after herself!

Now her mongrel dog leaves her side!

Let the dog leave his mistress!

And watch him get lost.

Could be worse.

Not so smug now, are you?

I'll have you arrested.

By whom? The sand police?

If you keep being so polite, you'll

force me to give you all my fishes.

I can see you are a very clever woman.

Is there anything else I can do for you

while I'm waiting to get arrested?

- Sell me that fish.

- What?

I want that fish.

F*** off and bother some

other poor shipwrecked sailor.

I'll give you $ 100.

Two hundred.

Okay, I'll give you $500

for just half of the fish.

If you are hungry, bake a cake.

This is my final offer. I'll give you

$ 1000 and my gold bracelet.

Take it. Okay?

Now, give me some fish.

I'm not interested. There are some

things in life that can't be bought.

And this fishes is one of them.

But I'm hurt! And I need to eat!

Ten thousand f***ing dollars!

Let me quote

the laws of capitalism, madam:

"The proprietor of goods can set

any price that he sees fit...

...and should not be at the mercy

of any moral issues. "

Give me some f***ing fish,

you scumbag!

Number one:

Don't ever insult me again.

Number two:
I am the boss now.

Number three:
If you want food, you earn it.

Number four:
You will wash my clothes.

You can't hit a woman,

you f***ing lunatic!

Don't forget number one!

From now on, "fishes"

is the plural for fishes.

If you are back within one hour

with my clothes cleaned...

...I shall consider fishes for you.

- Can I have something to eat first?

Do you give drugs to the needy

before they've paid?

We don't accept credit

in this house either.

And number six:
Call me Mr. Esposito.

No. Call me master.

Yes, call me master.

- Come on!

- Go. Go. Go! Wash!

Where will I find a washing machine

on a deserted island?

That's not my problem.

Frightened?

Mr. Esposito, you're completely

taking advantage of me.

Of course I am. I'm now the master.

F***ing peasant.

I want you to say, "Thank you, master,

for the privilege of washing your clothes. "

Thank you...

...master...

...for letting me wash your clothes.

- Where do you think you're going?

- I need to eat!

Who is this Peppe?

Get in line, woman.

I want this bottle filled with water.

And be quick about it.

- What?

- Yes, master.

Bravo.

Where are you going?

Wait! How about an answer?

Please, wait for me!

A roof. Thank God.

And a bed. I'm saved.

What are you doing, Mr. Esposito?

I mean, master.

Please don't leave me outside.

It's cold. I won't survive

another night.

I'm not an animal!

What do you want?

Do you want to share my bed?

What kind of person are you?

You wish to corrupt me.

I am the master and you're my slave!

- Don't flatter yourself.

- Pigs keep warm with leaves.

Pigs! I would rather f*** a pig

than kiss you, monkey boy.

You forget yourself again, woman.

Let the chill of the night wrestle

the last of the beast from you.

Wakey, wakey.

I want my room cleaned

by the time I return.

By the time I return.

It's still flopping.

Quick, woman!

The fishes are getting away!

- I'm trying, master.

- Work harder! Harder!

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