Swiss Army Man Page #5

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I'm sorry if this makes me weird

or you don't understand,

but I wish I was dead again.

No, Manny.

I understand.

So I guess you're gonna die now.

It really feels like it's my fault.

No, Manny. It's not your fault.

I probably would have

done it myself eventually.

God knows I've tried,

but there was always something there,

some thought that was beautiful enough

to keep me going.

Maybe that's just something the brain

invents to survive.

Yeah. Like maybe your brain invented me

to distract you from the fact

that eventually your eyes

are gonna stop blinking

and your mouth will stop chewing

and your blood will stop pumping...

and then you're gonna sh*t yourself.

- And that's it.

- No.

No, that's not it.

Because then my organs are

going to sh*t themselves.

And then your cells will sh*t themselves,

and then all your sh*t's gonna get mixed

in with everyone else's sh*t

till there's nothing left of you,

and then that's it.

I don't know, man.

That sounds kind of nice,

everyone's sh*t mixing,

because then someday some of your sh*t

is gonna meet up with some of my sh*t,

and we'll have something

to look forward to, you know?

You're disgusting.

Manny.

Manny, you idiot.

You dumb idiot.

Oh, you look like sh*t.

Ah, yeah. Yeah. So do you.

- Thank you.

- Hey... Hank.

Hank.

Wow. There she is.

Oh, sh*t.

No, Manny, shh! Manny, stop singing!

- Manny! No!

- Hank, what are you doing?

- This is home.

- No!

This is what we've been

fighting for, right?

No! No. Oh, come on...

- Manny, this is a bad idea!

- No, it's a great idea.

Manny, let go of me!

Maybe you could finally talk to her, Hank.

You can finally show her all the things

we built for her and sing her the songs...

Manny! Shut up! You don't

know the real world, Manny.

What if they meet you and

they don't see what I see?

What if they don't...

That's stupid.

From the first day we met,

you've been pushing me and poking me,

making me spit, making me cry.

Manny!

How come I never get to see you do

any of those things?

Because I'm scared.

Okay?

Because I'm just a scared,

ugly, useless person.

But maybe everyone's a little bit ugly.

Yeah, maybe we're all just ugly,

dying sacks of sh*t,

and maybe all it'll take is one person

to just be okay with that,

and then the whole world

will be dancing and singing and farting,

and everyone will feel

a little bit less alone.

Manny, you have no idea

how nice that sounds.

Hello.

Are you dressed up for Halloween?

No. Uh...

No, we're just a little dirty and tired.

What's wrong with your face?

Nothing. We just need some help.

My name's Manny,

and this is my best friend Hank.

I used to be dead,

but then he brought me back to life,

and we were lost out there in the woods

for a very long time,

but we survived, because I have

special powers.

Manny.

Manny.

- That's gross.

- No.

No, it's not gross.

God, no.

Don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid. It's okay.

I'm scary, Hank. I guess I was wrong.

I am weird.

Manny, don't say that.

She just doesn't understand.

Crissie?

What is it?

Crissie?

Crissie, get inside.

Who are you?

What are you doing in my backyard?

He's Manny. He used to be dead.

Crissie, let Mommy talk, okay?

He was lost in the woods. He needs help.

What?

Is that true?

You okay?

Just wait here.

Hey. Hey.

See that? That wasn't so bad.

Did you see the way she looked at me?

I'm not very good at this.

No. No, hey, bud,

you're the best at this. Okay?

I'm sorry, Hank.

Hey, Manny. Manny, don't be stupid.

Please don't tell Sarah

how much I loved her.

Manny.

Manny.

Hey.

Hey. Manny.

Manny. Manny.

Manny.

Here. Come sit down, okay?

I called for help.

Come on.

This is some f***ed-up sh*t.

You really think he just found the body?

The abrasions seem to have

happened postmortem,

and discoloration on the abdomen

tells me he's probably a bridge jumper.

We find their bodies washed up

on the beach all the time.

That must be where he found him,

so actually checks out.

What do they do with him now?

He'll spend two weeks in the morgue

while they try to figure out

who the hell he is,

and when nobody comes to claim

the body, because nobody ever does,

the county can pay for a funeral

no one'll show up to,

because obviously no one cared

about this son of a b*tch to begin with.

Hey.

Yeah?

- Don't I know you?

- Hey.

- Manny, there you are.

- You look familiar.

Are you ready? We are going live

in five minutes.

Right this way. Turn around.

Right this way.

It's all so exciting, isn't it?

- They're gonna love your story.

- Find anything on the cell phone?

They're checking it out right now.

- There she is.

- That's the phone?

Stand right here. Don't go anywhere.

It's all right.

- You the father?

- Yes.

We found your number in this phone,

and there's no I.D. on the body,

so we just need somebody

to identify the body.

Ready?

No. No.

I'm sorry.

I just wanted to check in, make sure

you're okay. You all right?

This must all be really

overwhelming for you,

so just let me know if you need

anything, okay?

Excuse me. Ma'am, I have something

I need to show you.

Can you come with me?

Good luck on your interview.

So they found this phone on the body,

and there are these images.

Manny? Manny, there you are.

- Do you know...

- This is...

We're going live in just a few seconds.

- Right this way.

- Keep swiping.

And turn around. Here's the camera.

Do not go anywhere.

- You don't know this young man?

- No, I don't.

Look right into it.

Your friends are gonna see you.

Five, four, three, two...

Thanks, Jonathan. We're here live with

the man who we know simply as Manny...

- Hey! What are you doing, son?

- ... a man who stumbled into the backyard

- of a local Eastborough home...

- I'm not Manny.

And your name?

- My name is Hank Thompson.

- We're here with Hank Thompson...

And that's Manny.

He saved my life with his amazing body,

and he has these powers,

and they're the only reason

that I'm standing here today,

- and I will not let them take him away.

- Okay.

Wait. What's going on?

This is... This is your phone?

Why... Why am I in your phone?

I'm sorry.

You just seemed really happy,

and I wasn't.

What the f***?

Hey, buddy.

Hank, what are you trying to do to me?

What would your mother think?

I think she'd be happy somebody loves me.

Hank. Hank! That's a dead body.

- What are you, retarded?

- Dad, don't say that word.

No! Manny!

Manny, where are you?

Crissie? Crissie!

Crissie!

- Sorry, bud.

- Sir!

Sir! Stop!

- Hank!

- Crissie!

Crissie, come out right now!

Sir, where are you going?

I got you.

Come on. Stay with me.

I won't let them take you away.

I won't let them take you to some morgue

and bury you in some unmarked grave.

Please, I just need you to wake up!

Hank!

- Crissie!

- Crissie!

Hank, where are you?

Sir, stop!

Sir, you've gotta get out of the river.

What is this?

Oh, f***. They're gonna see everything.

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