Swiss Army Man Page #4

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Now, why would you ever say no to that?

I just think his mom would want him

to be happy.

Don't you?

Yeah. I think so.

And what would make you happy right now?

Maybe...

- I'm really drunk.

- Oh, yeah. Me, too.

- We should go to bed.

- Yeah.

Uh, Hank, will you just take my head

out of the window?

Thank you.

Sleep well.

Morning, Hank.

How'd you sleep?

It's late.

Better get a move on.

Hank, thanks to you,

I'm gonna get to see her soon... for real.

I have this feeling,

and I don't know what to call it.

It's like I feel like even though

I'm on top of you right now,

touching you physically,

there's something stuck in between us.

Whoa!

I also feel like

you have something to say,

but you don't know what to say,

and so neither of us is saying anything,

and for some reason,

I feel like this might go on forever.

- Is that a thing?

- No, it's not a thing.

So no one's ever felt this way before?

You might be the first one ever

in the history of mankind.

Oh.

That has just made me

have another feeling, and I...

Manny, please,

no more feelings right now.

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

Oh, Hank, I think...

I think I'm feeling fear.

Not now, Manny.

No, really, I'm scared.

I'm scared, 'cause I think if I die,

I might really miss you.

Oh, you're the worst.

Heartless

How were you heartless?

I saw your sadness

And made it my own

Crazy Tell me if you don't mind

The immediate wonder,

the fatal attraction

Totally crazy

Told you to run like the wind

We've gotta depend on each other

- We're f***ing crazy

- I want to climb in your brain

Devour the webbing,

and know your opinions

- We won't ever stop

- But you're still afraid of the shame

I promise I'll fix it,

it's all for a reason

You just have to remember

That we're all here for a purpose

And the universe picks its time

Everything, everywhere

matters to everything

Everything, everywhere

matters to everything

Everything, everywhere

matters to everything...

Are you excited to see everyone

when you get home?

Yeah, I guess.

You'll be able to see your dad.

Yeah, he's probably been

wondering where you are.

Well, we haven't really kept up.

I mean, we tried the whole calling

each other on our birthdays thing,

but, you know, that eventually went away.

Why? What happened?

Well, a few years back, he forgot to call.

He didn't really know how to say

sorry, but I could tell he felt bad,

so I taught him how to set up

an automated birthday e-card.

That's like a letter

you get on your phone.

It automatically sends me

a birthday card every year,

so that way, he'll never forget.

I mean, I always forgot his as well,

so I set one up, too.

Wow. I wonder if my dad

and I did that, too.

I hope I sent him

an automated card every day.

It's nothing special.

If I died out here,

some website would send him a birthday

card every year for the rest of his life.

He probably wouldn't even know I was gone.

Well, that's not true. He cares about you.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's my dad.

But he just doesn't...

I mean, he ought to show it sometimes.

Why wouldn't he want to show that?

Neither of us were good at talking.

Sometimes it's hard for people

to show how they feel.

That's retarded.

- Manny, don't use that word.

- When I get back home,

I'm gonna show Sarah how much I care

about her every single day.

Whenever she wants, she's thirsty

or whatever, she can drink my spit,

and then she can ride my gas

to wherever she wants to go.

You can't use your gas in front

of other people.

What? Why not?

Because it's weird.

People don't like other people's farts.

Is that why you don't fart in front of me?

No. I just...

like to do it alone or hold it in.

That's what you're supposed to do.

That's so sad.

That's so sad!

What are we even going back home for?

It sounds like you're not allowed to do

anything back there.

Yeah.

Maybe we should just stay out here.

And never go home?

This'll be our home.

We could make our own rules

and do whatever we want to.

Ah, we could start a band.

And we could build a house in the trees.

Yeah, with a home movie theater system.

And a recording studio.

Yeah, we could sing songs

as loud as we want.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

Yeah.

- Yeah, you and me.

- Yeah. Heh.

I have to pee.

I'm sitting on this rock

Such a comfy rock

Hank's gone to pee

It is so nice here

Nice and dark and warm

Hank's gone...

Manny, I have something

amazing to show you,

but I need to tell you something first.

Hank, I have something to say to you, too.

No, I need to go first.

Look... I needed you to help me get home,

and then one thing led to another,

and then suddenly I had a friend,

and I was too scared

to tell you the truth,

but this is my phone, Manny, not yours.

And Sarah...

is a girl I saw on the bus every day,

but I never had the courage

to even talk to her.

I didn't think someone like her

would ever wanna be with me.

I didn't even wanna be with me.

Eventually...

What?

Yeah, that's what I wanted

to tell you, Hank.

There's a giant raccoon,

and it's eating our food.

Shh.

What were you saying about Sarah?

Sarah.

Manny.

Manny. Manny!

Down.

What was Sarah doing with that guy?

That's her real life.

Can we talk about it later?

She was never even mine?

Why didn't you tell me?

I wanted to.

I was too embarrassed.

Embarrassed?

You made me think I was in love

with someone

who never even knew I existed,

but I'm just a lonely,

loser weirdo, really?

We don't need her anymore!

We got each other!

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Wow.

Oof!

Look.

Hey!

Hey! Look over here! Please help us!

What is this?

Those are cars, Manny.

If we can get down...

I know those are f***ing cars.

I'm talking about life.

What is life?

Manny...

what is that flashing in my head? It...

Are you crying?

I don't know. Is this crying?

I don't like it.

It's wet and uncomfortable,

and, oh, God, why am I shaking now?

Just breathe. This is normal.

Just try to think about happy thoughts.

I'm...

Manny, whatever

you are doing, please stop.

I'm... I'm just thinking.

- Well, stop thinking.

- I can't help it.

This is a thought, and this is a thought,

and this is a thought,

thought, thought, thought.

These are all thoughts,

and sometimes thoughts

become other thoughts.

Thoughts like, if my best friend

keeps his farts from me...

...what else is he hiding from me?

And why does that thought

make me feel so alone?

Manny, we have to try to think

about something else.

It's not healthy to fixate

on these things.

I just had a thought about a thought.

How do you hide your thoughts,

and why do we have to hide everything?

Manny, this is just another power

your body has.

You can learn to control it.

So I guess my brain is just weird, too?

What do you do with thoughts like this?

I used to lie there.

I used to be empty,

and then you came along.

And I don't want this anymore.

Manny, please. I'm going to die.

We're gonna die. That's a thought.

Everybody dies.

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