Swiss Army Man Page #3

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Phone is beautiful.

No, no, no, no, no. That's just a picture

of a girl on a phone.

What? Where'd it go? What are you doing?

What are you doing?

- We should turn it off to save power.

- No. But it's mine.

Manny...

The phone is on low battery

with no signal.

We've gotta turn it off so we can find

help once we're closer to home.

I have a lot of questions

about all the things you just said.

Just trust me.

Hmm?

Just trust me.

F***.

Can I look at her again?

Can I see her again?

Now can I see her?

Please?

Maybe...

Maybe you could dress up, like before,

so I could remember?

Dress up?

No, Manny, we need to find food.

We need to get out of here,

or else I'm going to die.

But we've tried all of those things.

Hank, what if I knew her?

Maybe she's my friend,

or my girlfriend or my wife.

It's like you said,

love is bringing me back to life.

I'm your multipurpose tool guy.

That sounds really...

Stupid.

Hurry, before you starve and die.

- Oh, my God.

- I'm sorry.

You look beautiful.

You think I look beautiful?

Of course I do.

No, I... Really?

Well, is it working?

Are... Are you remembering anything?

Uh...

yeah.

What's my name?

Laura...

- Dern?

- Manny!

Oh, no! Hank, I'm so sorry.

Please, let me try again.

Do you have any idea what people

back at home would think

- if they saw me dressed like this?

- Oh, but let me try one more time.

Hank, please.

But now that I've seen her,

I can't get her out of my head,

and I don't know if that's a thing

that happens or if I'm just weird,

but something tells me she is the one

I'm supposed to bump into

and spend the rest of my life with,

and maybe if we can just find a way for me

to remember her,

then, bam, it'll all come

rushing back to me,

and the hairs on the back of my neck

will stand up, and I can save you.

Wow. That talking was good.

Yeah. See? It's working already.

What are you doing?

I'm singing a song

so you won't overthink things.

Well?

Uh...

What should I do now?

Um...

okay, maybe you talk to her.

What do I talk about?

Just, you know, whatever comes naturally.

Hello.

I don't know why,

but I have this sudden urge

to put my mouth on your mouth.

Okay, that's called kissing,

but you can't do that yet.

That's too fast.

Oh. Uh...

How 'bout if I put my penis in you?

- That's even worse.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.

What about if I just did the tip,

like, just the very beginning...

Okay, Manny, it's not about sex.

Okay? It's...

Okay.

Okay.

Welcome to the bus.

This is how people like us get places

if we're too poor to drive ourselves.

Oh, yeah.

There are other people.

Yeah.

Hello. Hello, everybody.

Buses are for people

who don't know each other.

They read books. They listen to music.

- And we all sing songs together, right?

- No!

No, no, no, the other people

will stare at you if you sing,

so you listen to your own music.

- Oh.

- Here.

If it hadn't been

For Cotton Eye Joe

I'd be married

A long time ago...

As you listen...

stare out the window.

Oh. And I watch the world go by.

Wasn't for Cotton Eye

Cotton Eye Joe...

So this is it.

This is the life I've forgotten.

Oh, when I get back home,

I am gonna ride the bus every day.

Manny, this is just the beginning.

Every day, you ride the bus

and count the minutes,

hoping you'll see her again.

Oh, my God.

She smiles,

and you feel a strange tingle

up the back of your neck.

Something carnal inside of you

causes your body to break out in sweats.

You feel like the luckiest man

in the world.

She sits alone, just like every other day,

and looks out the window

lost in her thoughts.

You know that look.

She's just as alone as you are.

But she doesn't have to be.

You could talk to her.

Tell her you'd love to sit next to her

today and every other day,

because life is short, and no one deserves

to ride the bus alone.

I want this to stop.

- It's not working?

- No.

She's too beautiful.

I can't talk to her now.

What if I say something stupid?

I'll just wanna die.

She's right there.

You're not gonna do anything?

What would you do?

I would...

I would probably wait,

and watch her get off the bus

and go home and eat

a whole box of pizza by myself.

Manny, I should tell you the truth.

I'm not really good at this stuff.

Oh, right. Nobody loves you.

Try these on.

My eyeballs can't see as well.

But you look mysterious,

and girls like mysterious.

- You feel cool, right?

- I guess.

- You look cool.

- Oh! What are you doing?

All you have to do is talk to her.

- I believe in you.

- Whoa!

Are you sitting alone?

- Yeah.

- So you're a freak.

What?

Now you're not.

So what are you listening to?

It's a song I wrote for you.

- Hank?

- Hmm?

Pick up my hand.

Okay, now put it on her hand.

Okay. I wanna look at her.

My name is Manny.

My name is S...

Sarah.

- Sarah.

- That's her name?

- Sarah Johnson.

- Sarah Johnson?

Yeah, Sarah Johnson.

Manny, your face.

Oh, this is what

I look like when I'm happy.

We have to get home, Hank.

We have to get home, so I can find Sarah

and have twins with her and work two jobs

- and grow old.

- Manny, my hand.

Manny, help me get home.

Pop popcorn, pop popcorn

Pop popcorn, pop popcorn

Pop popcorn, pop popcorn

Pop popcorn, pop popcorn

Pop popcorn, pop popcorn

Pop popcorn, pop popcorn

Pop popcorn, pop popcorn

Pop popcorn, pop popcorn

Wow.

Bah bah bah, bah bah bah

Bah bah bah, bah bah bah

Bah bah bah, bah bah bah

Bah bah bah, bah bah bah

Bah bah bah, bah bah bah

Bah bah bah, bah bah bah

Bah bah bah, bah bah bah

Bah bah bah, bah bah bah

Now we killed a raccoon

We are using your body

like it's a machine gun

Now we are shooting some fish

Our friendship is blossoming

Let's eat the stuff we killed

Now we started a fire

I have to admit

I'm enjoying your company

Are we falling in love?

All we ever needed

Is a montage

Oh.

What was that?

True

Friendship

Vodka.

Let's have a party.

Yeah. Let's invite everyone we know.

Everyone! We're having a party!

Manny, I need to tell you

something. You...

Whoo! Whoa!

Little tipsy.

Whoa.

Sarah...

I think you're the one.

I've never been happier.

Manny... look at me.

The more you're gonna see of me,

the more you're not gonna like me.

It's diminishing returns and whatever.

- Sarah, do you ever masturbate?

- What?

I have this friend called Hank

and he won't masturbate,

'cause it makes him think about his mom.

Manny, that... that was between us.

No, listen. Sarah...

Sarah.

So, Hank's mom died

when he was very, very little,

and so it makes him upset

to think about her.

And so even though masturbation

makes him happy,

he won't do it.

Okay.

I don't know exactly what

masturbation is or how it works,

but I guess it probably feels

a lot like the wind in your hair

or driving really fast in a car

or taking a bite out of your favorite food

or dancing with your friends

or singing your favorite song

or riding the bus

or looking out of windows.

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