Sydney White Page #3

But most Americans would be surprised to find

how afraid the Founding Fathers were

of what a direct democracy could do to the country.

Can anyone tell me why?

(snoring)

(snores)

The young man snoring there, perhaps?

(chuckling)

(coughs)

The Founding Fathers were afraid

that direct democracy

would do to America

what it did to Rome.

Alexander Hamilton

even advocated a monarchy. (snores)

Exactly.

We are trained to think

the more power the people have, the better.

Can any of you tell me

some reasons why this isn't necessarily true?

Ah, Terrence.

Still here after eight years.

What do you say we give someone else

a chance to respond this time, huh?

Um... Ms. Witchburn?

Most Americans

don't educate themselves about the issues.

There are some valid arguments

for keeping things a little bit more... elite.

You could even argue a case

for certain types of oligarchy.

Interesting.

Let's hear from someone else.

How about... you?

Ms...?

White.

Ms. White.

Any thoughts?

Um...

I guess I think that's...

underestimating the masses a bit.

Not to mention

overestimating the elites.

Apartheid was an oligarchy,

and no one wants that again.

Excellent.

Alicia, what year

was Kappa Phi Nu founded?

Very good.

Mm!

Want some breakfast?

Yeah.

Help yourself.

Breakfast is good.

(Rachel) Ugh!

It's called moisturizer.

Try some.

Next.

Ugh.

Your pores are enormous.

They have a thing

called whitening toothpaste. Next.

Dinky.

Kappa founder Kitty Cooper's hometown?

Little Rock.

(giggles)

Lose the big hair.

This isn't Dallas.

Bye.

Eyebrows... meet tweezers.

Tweezers,

meet your worst nightmare.

(chatter)

I know.

Next. Next.

Next. (sighs)

(Rachel) OK, future sisters.

Get your lazy asses up.

You're gonna clean the bathroom.

(all groan)

At the Beta fraternity house.

(all groan louder)

Sydney, the Kappa Phi Nu colors?

Green and white.

Wrong. Emerald and pearl.

Sorry.

I'm still learning how to speak priss.

(all gasp)

(both yelp/scream)

You know what?

Don't change a thing.

You just keep walking around

looking just like that.

You again.

Oh.

Morning.

Hi.

Sorry you had to do that.

Some of the girls are a little traumatized.

(Sydney)

Yeah. It's OK. I, uh...

I spend a lot of time in bathrooms.

No, no. I don't mean like that,

I just mean that, um...

I don't go to the bathroom a lot, l...

Well, sometimes I do.

Kinda depends on what I eat.

Just to be clear, I spend

a normal amount of time in the bathroom.

Sydney. It's time to get back to the house.

OK.

Don't ask.

We had to take her.

I think she's cool.

And cute.

Just admit they're cooler.

You don't know

what the hell you're talking about.

There is no way that a pirate

is cooler than a ninja.

Ninja's live like monks.

Pirates get booty. End of discussion.

Hi. I need to return these

and I have a couple of poli sci books on reserve.

I'm impressed.

I don't get a lot of pledges in here studying.

Well, they probably don't

have scholarships to maintain.

You and your drunken, whoring pirates

represent the lowest common denominator in society!

(chuckles) All right.

I think we can all agree that

a pirate-ninja would be the coolest thing ever.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Hello.

I wanted to apologize

for what I did to you in the bathroom.

What did she do to you in the bathroom?

What did she do?

It was a stupid pledge prank

and I'm really, really sorry.

Hey, it wasn't exactly

surprising behavior for a Kappa.

Come on, uh, let's go.

Excuse me.

If it makes you feel any better, they threw baloney

at us while we sang Cline Dion songs!

(laughter)

Girls, it's been a long journey,

but you're almost done.

Tomorrow night is our Presents Dance

where you will be introduced as official Kappa sisters.

It's tradition for the current sisters to pass down

their Presents gowns to the new pledges.

After all, we're all size two.

(all giggle)

Except you, Amy.

As president, I will draw the first name.

This lucky girl is getting one of Milan's finest.

Sydney White.

Yay!

Come, Sydney.

(coughs)

(computer beeps)

Hey, Christy, why don't you check your standing?

I'm sure you've cracked the top 20 by now.

Uh, what's that?

Just the school's "Hot or Not" ranking

on MySpace.

It's just some dumb list.

Oh. That does sound dumb.

Really dumb. I bet lame people

just log on all day and vote for themselves.

No, we don't.

We're only allowed to vote once a day.

Right, Rachel?

Hey, Rach, you're still number one.

Am l? How cute.

It's been that way for forever.

You know how people are.

They just stick with the status quo.

That's why new people never make it on.

Oh, my God.

Sydney's on it - number 213.

I am?

Let me see that.

But I thought you said

new people never make it on the list.

Well, like you said,

it's just some dumb list.

But aren't we just so lucky

to have you as a pledge?

And I think you're gonna look

just gorgeous in...

Perfect. Totally you.

Practically screams number 213.

(cellphone rings)

Hey, Tyler.

Oh, you're so bad!

I have to take this.

(Rachel) Jenny Robinson.

(applause)

Dinky Hodgekiss.

Alicia Fairchild.

Bunchie Hathaway.

And finally, Sydney White.

I present to you this fall's

Kappa Phi Nu pledge class.

You look... incredible.

Thank you.

Dance?

(# "When I See You Smile" by Gabriel Mann)

Who are you, Sydney White?

You throw a football like Matt Leinart,

fearlessly conquer fraternity bathrooms,

and clean up nice, to boot.

Well, I'm more of a Peyton Manning.

Leinart's a lefty.

Marry me.

(giggles)

So, uh, they go all-out

for these shindigs, huh?

It's a weird word - "shindig."

You eat? Because there are some

hors d'oeuvres over there.

You know, I tried to eat a plastic flower once.

Kinda hurt. (laughs)

I'm rambling again, aren't l?

I'm starting to think I make you nervous.

(laughs)

No.

Congratulations.

You are now a Kappa sister.

(applause)

Congratulations.

You are now a Kappa sister.

Congratulations.

You are now a Kappa sister.

Congratulations.

You are now a Kappa sister.

Congratulations.

You are now a Kappa sister.

You are now a Kappa sister.

You are now a Kappa sister.

Kappa sister...

(echoes) sister... sister...

Congratulations.

You are now a Kappa sister.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I'm afraid we have a bit of a situation.

Every so often, it is the unfortunate duty

of the president to act as judge and jury.

Sydney White has exhibited

inappropriate Kappa behavior.

(audience gasps)

Is this a pledge prank?

It certainly is not.

You are guilty of the following infractions:

you brought an unsuitable date

to the date dash,

cheated during a pledge quiz,

revealed a secret pledge ritual

to the entire library,

and, finally, lied about your background.

We all know your dad

is actually a plumber.

As Kappa president,

according to statute 25A of the sorority charter,

I hereby dismiss Sydney White

from the Kappa pledge class.

I don't know what your mother got away with

when she was here,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes