Sydney White Page #6

campus ordinances were violated.

A few?

And you're working

your hours off here?

Nice to see you recruiting my best students, Tyler.

Sydney, happy to have you here.

Happy to be here.

So, do my hours tonight count towards

working off Tyler's dirty deeds?

Actually, he fulfilled his requirement last year.

We just can't seem to get rid of him.

(# "Stolen" by Dashboard Confessional)

(Tyler) Watch your step.

We're almost there.

Wow.

This is beautiful.

If you look over there,

you can almost see Greek Row.

Which is probably the last thing you wanna see.

Yeah.

It's just...

growing up without my mom,

I was hoping that becoming a Kappa

would help me connect with her.

Sydney, you don't need Kappa.

I know. I feel close to her

just being at the school.

You know, I found her name

carved into my study carrel.

No way.

Hey, is this where you bring

all your first non-dates?

Luring the babes with

this whole do-gooder thing?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Sorority girls can't get enough of it.

"Tyler, this place doesn't

even have a matre d'."

"Tyler, these plates are plastic.

Touching them hurts my hands."

You're the first girl I've met

I thought would appreciate this place.

Well, I do, even if there was

no bathroom attendant.

I had to turn the faucet myself.

(laughs)

(Tyler) Here we are.

All right. Well...

Thank you.

I had a great time.

(laughs) You're trying not to overtalk

right now, aren't you?

Whoa-a!

I'm OK. My spleen broke my fall.

Hi, guys.

Hey.

Sydney. What a surprise.

Um, we were just watching the...

The game?

Mm-hm.

Yeah, who's playing?

Um, the...

St Louis Gorillas.

You guys were spying on me. And just for that,

I'm not gonna tell you about my date.

Oh, come on, Sydney.

Nope.

Good night, boys.

(groans)

Oh, man.

I should probably

see a doctor.

Hey, sexy.

Rachel, what the hell

are you doing here?

Besides reading

your boring emails, nothing.

Tell me what you were

doing out with her.

You know what, Rachel?

I like Sydney. Deal with it.

I don't care if you like her or not.

All I care about is our Greek Life Center.

Sydney and her band of goobers

are screwing with our plans.

It's not like they have a shot

at winning the election.

I think we should

just leave them alone.

I mean, that dump is obviously

really important to them.

I don't know why anyone would wanna live there.

That firetrap should be condemned.

Look, we can find another location.

Now, get outta here already.

One date and you're ready

to blow the whole deal?

It was a hell of a date.

Normally I'd be reporting that Rachel Witchburn...

Guys, look!

...once again has a lock

on the student council presidency.

But now there's a new player on the scene - Terrence

Lubinecki and his Freedom to the 7th Power party.

Do they have a shot?

Can they even make a dent? Stay tuned.

(laughter, cheering)

You're a good-looking guy.

Check it out.

Maybe I'll actually vote this year.

Yeah, cool.

Hey, Rach. Which of these should I wear?

I don't care.

But I have a date.

I don't care.

Come to my room and help me get dressed.

What is wrong with you?

Rachel, you can't come in here.

I just farted.

Ew, Katy. You're disgusting.

(slow motion) No!

(Rachel screams)

Get off me, you freaks!

No!

Rach...

What?

No.

No!

Rachel, do you wanna try

your soothing words?

I don't need my soothing words.

It's all become very clear to me.

Sydney White must die a social death

and take her seven dorks with her.

(knock at door)

Great. Here comes

Prince Charming.

Guys, please. Just give him a chance.

(gun clicks)

That means you, Gurkin.

Put the paintball gun away.

Hi. Come on in.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Are you ready?

I have a better idea.

We all hang here at the Vortex

and order pizza.

What?

(whimpers)

Sounds good to me.

Hey, is that Medal of Honor?.

(Gurkin) No, it's not Medal of Honor.

Medal of Honor is for wusses.

It's Gurkin of Honor. I made it.

It pays tribute to Medal of Honor,

God of War, Halo and Viva Piata.

I'm pretty good at all those games.

You mind if I give it a shot?

OK.

(laughter)

Shh!

(growls)

Oh!

Eat lead, sucker.

Gurkin, damn,

he just kicked your ass. Nice.

I have to say, I'm impressed. None of these freaks

have come close to winning Gurkin of Honor.

We Betas play video games, too.

You do?

Yeah. What did you think we do?

Just have sex with girls all the time.

I hate to break it to you, Spanky,

but we're really just regular guys.

Aw. He's like a kid who just found out

there's no Santa Claus.

What?

I mean, hypothetically, you know,

if there weren't a Santa Claus,

which, of course, there is.

You guys should come hang out sometime.

Bring Gurkin of Honor.

You know, actually, we're having a party

tomorrow night. You guys wanna come?

(# "Breakin' Dishes" by Rihanna)

You made it. Uh, the bar's over there

and the DJ's taking requests.

Do you think he has

the Dr. Who theme song?

I'm thinking not.

That's OK.

I brought my own.

As for you,

the dance floor is this way.

...25, 26,

(cheering)

All right, all right, who's next?

Anybody think they can beat that?

Yes, I do.

(laughs) He thinks...

The dork thinks he can beat it.

All right, good luck, buddy.

Whatever you say, man.

Come on.

Uh.

No, no. No, no.

(crowd gasps)

Start counting.

One, two,

three, four,

five, six, seven, eight...

I hope the guys are OK. I haven't heard

any girlish screams, so I'm thinking we're good.

Sure looks like it.

(cheering)

That was badass!

That was awesome.

Lenny.

Ah...

Hey.

Oh, wow, I love your new hairstyle.

I... I, um... Yeah. Uh...

Dinky, Rachel needs you

right away.

Oh, but I just...

It's an emergency.

Oh, no, OK. Bye.

Bye.

How come you haven't come out

to party before?

You guys are so cool.

Really?

Oh, yeah. We've been watching you.

Where have you studs been hiding?

The building at the end of the road.

It's called the Vortex 'cause it sucks in losers.

That's sexy.

Well, boys, there's seven of us

and seven of you.

What's that sound like to you?

Sounds like a party to me.

You know, there's a hot tub out back.

Through that door there's a study

that leads right to it.

You can leave your clothes there.

But we... we don't have any swimming trunks.

Neither do we.

(# "Oh, Boy" by Boomish)

We'll meet you back there.

Oh, boy.

(Spanky) Girls? Where are you?

Where's the hot tub?

Marco!

(gasping)

(woman) They're naked!

Oh!

Oh, no.

(laughter)

It must be cold out there.

Oh, no.

Thanks for putting on a show, guys.

This is low, even for you, Rachel.

Aw, Sydney, so nice of you

to care about them.

Since you're the mastermind behind

their adorable little student council campaign,

let me be the first to break the news.

Terrence is disqualified

from running for president.

What are you talking about?

Terrence Lubinecki is not a student

at Southern Atlantic.

He graduated six years ago.

I had to stay. There was

just so much more learning to do.

Terrence, maybe you should

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