Syrup Page #2

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Or I'm going to ZephCo.

Tampering with a fire alarm

is a federal offense.

Men categorize women

in one of four ways:

mothers, virgins, sluts and b*tches.

Of course, none of the above

is suitable for the modern

businesswoman.

But you can create your own image

by selecting pieces of each archetype

that work for you.

For example,

the sexual attractiveness...

of the slut.

The wisdom of the mother.

The integrity of the virgin.

The independence of the b*tch.

This leaves men confused

and unable to pigeon-hole you.

What they're forced to do instead is

take you seriously.

- Mr. Scat.

- Ms. Six.

As this is a business lunch,

a handshake is appropriate.

I completely agree. I always say

lunch lubricates business.

- Lubricates what?

- Nothing. I don't lubricate.

- Mr. Scat...

- Scat.

- This idea of yours, "F***"--

- Yeah, that's F-U-K-K.

That addresses my first concern.

Now, with regard to the target market,

I'm assuming you're after the young,

cynical image-conscious consumer?

- [Phone chimes]

- Like yourself.

Mr. Scat, don't confuse me

with a consumer. I don't buy anything.

Exactly, it'd be like drinking irony.

No, we're not ready yet.

Did you have any thoughts on taste?

Well, no.

People don't buy energy drinks

based on taste, do they?

No, I was just wondering.

Well, then...

something eye-wateringly sharp

with a kind of chemical aftertaste,

so you think, "This must be powerful!"

[bangs table]

Good. Good.

- Where are you going?

- I'm leaving.

What about lunch?

Mm-hmm.

May I say you're very young to be

managing your own department?

I'm 21.

No, seriously...

- I'll give you 25-- okay, 24.

- [sighs]

Mr. Scat, I am 21.

Now deal with it.

Okay, marketer to marketer,

- you're not 21, and...

- What?

...you're not gay.

I graduated from

high school when I was 15,

courtesy of an

advanced-learning program.

I did four years at UCLA,

an MBA at Stanford,

and now after three months

at Addison, I am 21 years old.

I lie about going to Stanford too.

Perhaps you should

see someone about that.

Look, Fukk's mediocre,

it's not great.

I was thinking, what if the can

has a ton of compressed air in it

so that when you pop one,

everyone around hears it?

No, we had a bad experience

with aeration in Massachusetts.

300 people called to complain

about excessive gassiness.

And besides, there was

that exploding-can fatality.

Have I had you sign

a non-disclosure form?

- No.

- I'm going to need you to do that.

I'll come into your office tomorrow.

Actually I don't need you to come in

until we present to the board,

and they don't convene until next week.

- I'll courier you the form.

- Mediocre, huh?

Look, I work for a company

that could buy

a continent if they wanted to.

I have people that fix ideas.

Addiland? Hmm.

The point is just sit tight.

I'm going to have my team

work through the night to make it great.

I'm assembling them now.

Okay.

- Okay.

- Could you not use that word?

"Okay"?

Look, "Addy" is the second most

well-known word in the world.

We're shooting for number one.

- You get me?

- I get you.

- Why Six?

- What?

Why did you pick Six?

Why not, you know, Five?

I didn't pick it.

It is my real name.

Nobody's parents give them

an unusually cool name.

There are only

parent-given regular names

and parent-given

embarrassing names.

I went to school with a kid named Petal,

for Christ's sake.

I hate to wreck your theory,

but I was named Six by my parents.

Although not at first.

When I was born,

I was christened "Zero,"

when I turned one,

I was renamed to "One."

It was actually quite touching,

having my name as well as my age

on my birthday cake

in frosty blue icing.

Even if I believed you can

remember your first birthday,

which I don't,

what happened to Seven?

When I was six, my parents

died in a plane crash.

Taxi!

- We'll be in touch.

- [car honks]

[sighs]

Scat

I'm in love.

She's like a rose dipped in poison.

She sells herself better

than anyone I've ever met.

I think there was some sexual tension.

I've always wanted sexual tension.

She's having a team

work through the night

to present to the board

tomorrow and she said

they don't meet till next week.

She lies right to my face,

outrageous lies, and you know what?

I believe them.

She's trying to steal my idea.

She's fantastic!

Yes.

I wonder what her real name is.

Voicemail:
Please leave a message

at the tone. [beeps]

Scat:

Hey, Mom, you'll never believe this.

I pitched an idea to Addison

Cola Company yesterday.

And, well, nothing's for sure yet,

but they're having me

- present to the board today.

- Hey hey.

- Hey!

- Guard:
Hey hey!

Hey you! Damn it!

Oh, hey!

Scat on voice-mail:

You'd get a real kick out of this.

I mean it's a whole room

filled with rich executives

all listening to me

pitch my drink idea.

Wish me luck, I wore a suit.

- [Elevator dings]

- It's Pete's.

- And later, we will further develop...

- Guard:
Come back here!

Man:

What's going on?

Hey!

We are prepared to go

to all measures...

However as we--

Sorry I'm late.

Traffic was toxic.

Chairman, gentlemen,

may I present to you Mr. Scat?

The creator of Fukk.

How's everybody doing?

Is Mr. Scat here

one of our employees?

- Actually, he is--

- Scat:
No, not yet.

Sir, he is simply

a contractor that I've brought in

- to help with some logistics.

- I hate to burst your bubble,

but we don't develop products

that we don't own.

Gentlemen, my partner

may have misled you.

See, Mr. Scat and I have

co-developed Fukk.

And he is prepared to relinquish

trademark rights for only $2 million.

- That's good.

- [muttering]

Does that mean...?

Yes, Scat,

you're rich and famous.

You did register

that trademark, didn't you?

Chairman:

Thanks, hon. That's enough.

- [Buzzer sounds]

- Woman:
Number 32!

- Hi!

- Hi! Hello!

If I have a name for a new drink

and it hasn't been registered,

I can do that through you, right?

Oh yes, dear.

What's the name of your drink?

It's F-U-K-K.

[Chuckles]

Oh, "Fook"?

Okay. I'll just enter that

into the machine here.

[Keyboard clicking]

"Fook, Fook,

Fook, Fook, Fook,

Fook, Fook, Fook,

Fook, Fook."

[hisses]

Ooh, I'm sorry.

That name has already

been registered.

- Just this morning too.

- What?

One person but with two names.

F***ing b*tch.

- What's her real name?

- Huh?

One of her names is Six.

What's her other name?

Oh, uh, one of the names

is Peter Ang...

and the other is Sneaky Pete.

Huh! That's kind of fun--

[door slams]

[keys drop]

Sh*t!

- Scat:
Pick up, pick up!

- [horns honking]

Sneaky Pete.

Now it actually f***ing makes sense.

You a**hole.

You f***ing a**hole! I trusted you.

Do you think they want

a stolen idea, Pete?

Nobody likes a lawsuit.

Six isn't stupid.

She knows how to navigate

these things.

I've already heard from her people,

her legal department, they--

F***.

Narrator:

Well, congratulations.

You've just completed

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